The Ataraxy Group

https://nigeldonovan.com/100-no-failure-rate/

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Once is Enough!

Want less stress?

Try these old ideas on for size, give'em a run and see what happens

Concepts that work together to help improve your days – even the bad ones. Both attributed to Seneca and the Stoic tradition.

The First: “We suffer more often in imagination than in reality.”

The Second: “Do not let us build a second story to our sorrow by being sorry for our sorrow.”

The first is prospective – pretty obvious when you see it. Something might go wrong so we worry about it, we feel bad or anxious, as the moment approaches. What happens if….?

How many times have you experienced the sense “that wasn’t as bad as I expected”?

It is a waste of this moment to worry about something that has not happened and may never happen. Note, this is not an abdication of planning or risk management, rather an honesty about attending to what is within your control – do take the action to reduce the risk, but don’t waste your experience in worry and don’t waste this moment in imagined suffering.

The Second Suffering arises when we can’t let go of what’s already occurred. You lose a contract – that’s the first suffering, the actual loss with its practical consequences. But then comes the endless replay: Why did I say that? What if I’d done this differently? This always happens to me. This is the second suffering, the suffering ABOUT the suffering.

The sense of personal injustice, ‘that should not have happened.’ Or more simply, ‘I wish that never happened.’

That’s the second suffering, and it’s entirely self-inflicted.

Other traditions frame similar concepts. Buddhist teachings about attachment and their “second arrow” is an example.

You can use these simple ideas for fast interventions that cut rumination short.

Remind yourself – not to suffer imagined troubles and to avoid the second suffering.

Or to put more positively: Live life once in real time as it arises.

Once is enough.

Stoic Weekend

I’m feeling a little brain dead after a big couple of weeks. I’m busy with my clients and having fun – just hectic.

As a result, this week I’m keeping it simple and brining you a couple of my favourite lessons from stoicism to the Ataraxy Friday.

There are so many lessons and ideas, but here below are probably my three favourites.

Focus on efforts, not results
Don’t suffer imagined troubles
Memento Mori

These three, for me, simplify life to an astonishing degree – given their simplicity.

For those unfamiliar with the expression ‘memento mori’ it is to remember that you will die at some point, and in doing so reminds you how valuable this moment in time is.

You could take one of these and apply to your world this weekend.

If you’re inclined, leave a comment on what your favourite aphorisms, phrases, or simple lessons keep you grounded.

Stoic Weekends – Nigel Donovan | Ataraxy Coaching I’m feeling a little brain dead after a big couple of weeks. I’m busy with my clients and having fun – just hectic.

https://nigeldonovan.com/voice-matters/

Voice Matters – Nigel Donovan | Ataraxy Coaching “If I bring five percent more awareness to my fears today, I’d realise that my voice still counts even when it shakes.”

https://nigeldonovan.com/why-should-i-part-2/

“Why Should I?” Part 2 – Nigel Donovan | Ataraxy Coaching What happens in your brain when someone frustrates you? More than you might think—and the consequences reach far beyond that single disagreement.

https://nigeldonovan.com/why-should-i-part-1/

“Why Should I?” Part 1 – Nigel Donovan | Ataraxy Coaching “Why should I be the one to reach out? Why should I carry their workload? Why should I be the bigger person when they’re clearly in the wrong?”

https://betterboards.net/leadership/solving-complex-problems-with-the-power-of-many/

Integrated Leadership – Solving complex problems with the power of many Leverage the power of your existing leadership team and build a cognitively diverse leadership group. One that values genuine diversity of perspective and …

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