The Behaviour Equation

Learning is such a part of my personal identity and I was lucky enough to work with and at a recent entrepreneurs event and I was able to give back to my mentors support and learn some really cool stuff along the way!

And this is my partner in crime Brendan

Saying "no" is a natural and necessary part of parenting and often very autonomous, we are actually not really thinking when we say it. It is important to examine the reasons behind our responses and consider whether a "yes" might be possible. Finding a balance between saying "no" and saying "yes" allows children to develop independence, decision-making skills, and a sense of empowerment. By understanding our motivations and being mindful of our responses, we can create a nurturing environment that supports our children's growth and development 💪

This is not about the parenting argument that kids cannot be told no, but the automated responses we give without thinking, For example, "Can I run over there?", we reply No. Then they ask again and we then consider the for and against in the situation…
Some reasons behind this common parental response include:

❗️Fear and Safety Concerns - Limiting risky play or activities.
❗️ Setting Boundaries - Learning limits and boundaries.
❗️ Time and Resources - Time and Energy.
❗️ Parenting stress and overwhelm - We are just too bloody tired!

📍What can we do? Developing trust and empowerment: Saying "yes" to children can foster trust and empowerment. When we give our children the opportunity to explore and make choices within reasonable boundaries, it helps them develop a sense of autonomy and self-confidence. It also strengthens the parent-child bond and enhances communication.

Go on, Try it out, take a minute to think before you bounce straight on into a no 👉

👩‍🏫 So a deeper dive on communication...

Communication can either be symmetric or complementary.

Relationships between people are either symmetric (equal) and that means we talk at eye level in the relationship.

Complementary (Unequal) means that there is a kind of hierarchy (eg teacher and student)

💡If we do not agree whether the communication is complementary or symmetrical it can become problematic (there are a range of reasons this occurs).

💡At times our children and young people will assert their position on others boundaries... the "I want X and I will do whatever it takes to get it". We see this often in conflict.

💡Sometimes between adults and children - the children need to see flex and see if they can get "more" through their negotiating or reasoning strategies (which will develop from tantrums and into verbal negotiating skills with age... this is the most common sequence). Things can become disjointed or challenging in early teens with our young people seeking more freedom and opportunity rather and our drive to keep them safe. More screen time, food or resources, time or attention.

💡The biggest thing we can do as an adult in the complementary realm with children in preventing an all in family meltdown is to
1. Stop. Don't say no Immediately.
2. Consider the request, is it age appropriate, relevant (in the grand scheme does their request really impact anyone but the here and now for the child ie - "can I stand on the lounge?") and ask yourself why was my initial reaction to say no first, then
3. Make a decision based on the assessment process

(more on the saying no immediately later - that's a whole other game)

What has been your most interesting negotiation? 🧐

Here are the core things that we seek when we are online! ⁠
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🌟Information (and education) - We seek to find out what has happened and to learn⁠
🌟Entertainment - Emotional pleasure⁠
🌟Identification - Relating and identifying with those on screen. ⁠
🌟Social Interaction and Integration - We consume so that we can share and interact with others about the things we know or learned. ⁠
🌟Escapism - Escape reality and forget about ourselves. ⁠
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and using multiple screens at the same time ensures that we can be alone but not lonely - We feel connection and its a place to find like minded people! ⁠
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And it also comes with its share of challenges and risks! ⁠
Share your number 1 challenge ⬇️(that's right - just one to start 😂)⁠
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Apparently this guy of mine can single ski 🤷‍♀️ (Randomly just gave the whole idea of skiing a go)

With the right people around you, you are empowered to take risks and face challenges like no other!

Let me be the person to give you the confidence to take risks, face those challenges you have with your children or young people! Let me be the sounding board for your vision and dreams for your home and children and let's put it into action 😃

How do we help and what do we do...
Just a taster.... 😋

On top of all of the actual Behaviour Supports like these we offer. We also...

✅️ Listen 👂
✅️ Are present and available ⏲️
✅️ Understand you and your journey ⛵️
✅️ We get it Kids can be tough 💪
✅️ No fluff - Let's sort this 💩

J.L Austin founded this thing called the Speech Act theory.

💡This is the idea that words trigger actions. It includes the idea that speaking is also an action and can be seen in things like requests, warnings, threats and recommendations.

➡️For example, in marriage. The celebrant declares a couple "husband and wife" (and any other variation for arguments sake) which are just words. But what really happens is the actions of what a marriage is between those that are wed, in whatever form they honour their vows.
So the words in fact... trigger an action. 🎬

💬 So in a behaviour context. We say to our toddler "uh ah" when going to touch the power point and that triggers their action to pause and re-evaluate (obviously not knowing the consequences), so they sit there look at it or sneak back to it later (most likely).

🤔 As our children grow and develop their cognitive levels grow and develop and they are able to assess risks and consequences from learned behaviour and experiences (or your words may even trigger actions and they can learn from your experiences...like that time you thought trying out making your own fireworks was a sure thing) This is where raising teenagers can become tricky and challenging and you question...

⁉️ How much freedom do I give them to learn and develop in their own way? Lol ...I hear you waiting for the golden number and the lightbulb ah hah, that what I am looking for! Unfortunately I do not have the number as each individual is different with their own challenges and contexts.

But I can help you sort through the challenges you face with your child or young person! Lets chat! 🗪

I am everything you may need to help you and your children or young people:
I am a passionate driver for positive behaviour change through my experience including:

👉 13 years experience as a Secondary Teacher
👉 8 years working exclusively in a Specialist Behaviour Setting
👉 I earned a Double Degree in Fine Arts and Education
👉 I earned a Masters in Special Education with Majors in Emotional and Behaviour Disturbances (I know the whole wording sounds average 🧐).
👉I bloody love it (and just quietly I have a skill) for working with children young people and their families to enact their vision for change!

Lets do it!

Time to start thinking about...and actioning (can't get out of it that easy 😉)

⏲️ Emotional Preparation - countdown to the big day
🛌 Regular Bed Times - adjusting by 15minutes a day to correct the change
🍎 Regular Meals (less snacking)
🌞 Morning routine - an attempt to reduction the chaos -prep clothes, lunches, bags and equipment the night before
🎾 Back to weekly activities

🧠 And being mindful of some of those anxieties that come with returning.. change of classes and teachers, forgetting rules, re-networking with friends, uncomfortable uniforms and the list goes on....

What else do you do to prep for Back to School?

Take a breath (lock yourself in the cupboard if you need to just have a moment - you have my permission 😜)

ONLY 1 WEEK LEFT UNTIL SCHOOL RETURNS!

For some the summer is a great chance to relax and recharge, spend some quality time with the little people (and the big ones) in your life and really enjoy them 🤩

For others it can be a real struggle to get through each day, meet the needs of everyone in the household and remain sane (in some form) at the end of each day 🤪

So make the most of each day while giving yourself permission to be you and serve you and take care of you 🌻. A little walk, read a few pages of a book, phone a friend.