Bushism

tablished that the originating member’s first discussion of Bushism was conducted in the secretive hours of 1am around a sacred fire pit. This said Fire Pit has had numerous sacrificial meeting’s before being declared as the Sacred Fire Pit. It’s believed that there were four founders present. These Founders came from varied walks of life and brought with them many skills of life which when pooled together formed Bushism. Rumour has it from the lawful custodians of the land, being Ozzy, that the four said persons involved in the secretive discussion had covert names. According to historical documents discussions were intense and lengthy before Bushism rituals were set in permanency. These rules/guidelines were adopted at the burning of the first sacred log. Here in referred to as ‘The Log’
The Fire Pit
The Official Bushism Fire Pit, does not look anything like that constructed in an American Movie or a cartoon clip from Yogie Bear. There is to be not rocks place side by side in a circle, as this sh*t explodes when excessive heat is applied and can cause followers of Bushism to drop their can/stubby of their favourite beverage when being struck by exploding volcanic substances. The Bushism Fire Pit must be constructed in an area of no less than 1.5 metres square. The ‘Pit” is recommended to be dug to a minimum depth of 200mm should it be constructed in a sandy location in order to return the natural product of ‘Wood’ to its natural place of origination in the ground. The Pit is to be filled with large amounts of timber somewhere in the vicinity of 8 logs at a time. This should equate to a minimum of 4 Brickies Wheel barrow loads or a ute load. Should you be unable to quantify this amount or fail to have one of these transportation facilities available to you, Bushism allows you to make a guess-t-mate, referred to as a f**k load of timber. Species of Timber to be utilised – Pretty much anything can be used provided it burns without smoking a lot, All species should be burnt to create a f**king hot fire, so f**king hot that it requires all participants in Bushism to stand no closer than half a meter from the perimeter of the PIT at given time. Logs should have a circumference of a minimum 150 mm. Bushism Congregation
Bushism cannot be adopted as the said religion by any person. Participants must be of reasonable quality and character. Therefore there is no allowance for people or personnel that present as what is referred to as Cockheads. Cockheads come in many varied disguises and can have the art of blending in as normal members of the public- eventually their inner being comes to light and they are highlighted in an instant. The mere sighting of a ‘Cockhead’, is automatically a reason to have that person withdrawn from all forms of communication with other participants of the Bushism congregation. Cockheads are not to be provided with any form of entertainment/conversation whatsoever. They are to be nominated as the said Cockhead of the congregation and asked to leave the area to provide a Cockhead free zone. Failure to leave at the direction of a Bushism member may result in all alcoholic content being removed from the Cockheads possession to be consumed by actual Bushism members during any period of time of the day provided the day ends in the letter ‘Y’ and during the hours or either AM or PM. Bushism permits the allowance of children up until the hours of Midnight. Women are encouraged to participate and interact with the said congregation of Bushism. Cockhead Identification
These points will assist Bushism members in identifying Cockheads without engaging in direct conversation with the said subject; These points are a guide only;
1. Identifies himself as Greenie or Green Voter
2. Believes Bill Shorten is a Good option to Govern this great country and is not in it for himself.
3. Reads ‘The Age’ newspaper as their daily read. ( There are exemptions to reading this said tabloid ie Wednesday – Looking for a Job or contract, Friday and Saturday – Looking at the Classifieds. Anything Outside these prescribed days they are usually a cockhead.)
4. Is Left Wing ie disagrees with the majority of the community in common sense matters
5. Believes mixing beer with lemonade quenches your thirst. ( Women are exempt on this beverage)
6. Is wearing Happy pants i.e. pants having multiple colours.
7. Believes that we should do more to reduce the Carbon Foot Print and that a Carbon Tax is not just revenue raising ( Surely there are more important things to throw money at )
8. Believes there is a Grey Area in decision making. ( Face facts have some guts and just make a decision for Bushism sake)
9. Believes that we shouldn’t burn or cut timber that has fallen from the dead tree as it is destroying the home of some rare beetle that has never been seen. Dress code
Bushism members can wear suitable clothing as directed by the time and season the year. At all times members should be respectful of other attendees attitudes towards nudity. Should a complaint be received by a member of Bushism about improper conduct with regard to dress or lack of it, the offending party can be referred to as a Cockhead. This will automatically fall within the direction of identifying a Cockhead ( Refer to Bushism Congregation paragraph on dealing with Cockheads where the seizure of ALL alcohol is to be removed and the Cockhead told to leave). Examples of Unsuitable clothing are but not limited to;
Males
1. Tight shorts on men
2. White shorts on blokes ( Footy Shorts with Logo present are acceptable. Pure white Not permitted under any circumstance)
3. Shorts in Fluroscent colours ie Lime green, Bright Yellow.
4. T Shirts that clearly belong to a minor in an act to attempt to make your biceps appear larger than they actually are. Seriously wear a man’s T shirt that fits you
5. Man kini - Not an option – Any consideration of wearing such item let alone owning one and wanting to wear it is not funny in the slightest - It worked for Borat in One movie after that the Term Cockhead comes to mind instantly
Females
1. The general consensus is that anything goes provide it is appropriate whilst minors are around.
2. Tight fitting clothing can be worn if you have the body image to wear same. ( The mere fact that it fits does NOT mean you should wear it)
3. Active Wear can be worn if your body takes the appearance of being active in the past 12 months
Rules
Rules have been applied in order to ensure that there is a good vibe around the place where all Bushism Services are being undertaken. Rules have been established as a guide only and are not matter of fact. A fully pledged member of Bushism can change a rule at the drop of a Stubby provided it has been agreed upon by another Bushism member. The following have been implemented as a Guide ONLY and should be followed within reason. Failure to meet with these expectations of Bushism and YOU will automatically be identified and labelled as a Cockhead.
1. Alcohol should be consumed at all sacrificial burns conducted at the fire pit.
2. Copious amounts of alcohol is recommended until such person falls into the Cockhead status, at which time the consumption of alcohol is cease immediately on being identified as same.
3. Violence is not permitted in ANY manner. Any form of violence towards another will automatically fall within Violent Cockhead status and an ejection from the Said land where the sacrificial burn at the Fire Pit is being conducted will occur.
4. All sexes are welcomed and encouraged to take part in Bushism.
5. Australia Day – Must be recognised in all formats. There MUST be an Australian Flag attached to any object and flown with Pride. On Australia Day, ALL Bushism members MUST partake in consuming a minimum of 2 Alcoholic beverages. A BBQ is also recommended to celebrate the day of this great nation. Failure to undertake will automatically result in Cockhead status being awarded and removal from Bushism.
6. On arrival at the scared site on the first occasion ie Day One. The said person regardless of Bushism Status or acting under invited guest of Bushism person is to meet with other members and greet same in a friendly manner. Any invited guest is to of a Bushism member is to be introduced in the first instance to entire congregation. Visitors/Invited Guest
In a concerted effort to ensure a friendly happy go lucky place where all your troubles can be washed away on the mere sip of an alcoholic refreshment and a quick gaze at the said River; said Visitor/Guest must strictly abide by the following
1. Visitor/Invited Guest, MUST accept any form of alcoholic beverage that is offered by a Bushism member. The refusal of same will have a tendency to reduce your credibility should YOU the guest be put forward in a future meeting to become a life long member of Bushism. Excuses such as; “ I just got here, I need to un pack first, I don’t drink, Do you have a glass of cordial, and More importantly I better ask the Missus first,” will automatically have the resultant effect among Bushism members of identifying you as a potential ‘Cockhead’. This is Australia and we don’t need to ask anybody for permission to have a drink at the sacred site of Bushism Meetings.