Sh*t advice dedicated to the girl reading this

Trick to check if your crush likes you #69

Send her this exact message: “I’m outside your front door, please let me in 😢😢”
If she opens the door, she likes you.
If she calls the cops and reports you for breaking into her house, she doesn’t like you. But keep trying king!

Effectiveness rating: 1/50

4 tickets to breadformers please!

Alright who the hell is Victoria and what's her secret??

If animals didn't want to be eaten, why are they made of food...

Home: Honey I'm home.

Honey: Hi home.

Home: Hi honey.

*A massive explosion takes place outside

Honey: OMG our car exploded! MY Star-Bucks coffee was in there!

*Home runs into the fire

Home: I found the coffee

*Home pours it into a hole in the road

Honey: WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!

*They both hear a voice in the hole

Hole man: Thanks for the coffee, King, I was getting thirsty.

*Girl looks at the Hole Man and smiles.

Moral: There was a Hole Man

same

Downloads bumble to attain multiple females*

Female: Hey! Your profile seems cute ;)

Me: You must be looking in the mirror, because you are cute haha... jks. I see you have cancer in your profile description, you must be a woman of culture ;)

Female: Oh yeah, cancer is my star sign.

Me: Haha, I have cancer. It's pretty easy to beat though, I'm already Stage 4 ;)

Female: Wow that's so hot. Can I please have s*x with you?

Puts sunglasses on*

Me: I don't know...can you?

Female: OMG! I'm coming!!

----Based on a true story----

Me rocking up to Coles at 6am

*A cop pulls you over*

Cop: Hey mate, did you know you were going 60km/hr over the speed limit? Also, you ran over a kid.

*you equip sunglasses*

You: When?

*the cop points at a dead child under your car*

You: Oh that child. I thought you were talking about another one.

Cop: Sorry mate, I'll have to give you a parking ticket for that one.

You: No thanks, I'd prefer not to get one.

*you drive off like a boss*

Is your kickboxing ability getting rusty?

My advice is to visit your local kindergarten and create your own fight club by utilising the younglings as punching bags.