Erin Joy Bernardi-Author

Big feelings can sometimes come with a very loud inner voice.

When children feel overwhelmed, frustrated or worried, their self-talk can quickly turn negative — “I can’t do it”, “I’m not good at this”, or “Everyone else is better than me”.

One strategy educators can try is gently asking:

“What do you think the monster might be saying right now?”

This question can help children pause and notice the thoughts behind their feelings. Once that “monster voice” is identified, educators can then guide children to reflect further with prompts like:

• Is the monster being kind or unkind right now?
• What could your brave voice say back?
• What would you say to a friend who felt this way?

Helping children recognise and question their inner voice is a powerful step toward building emotional awareness, self-compassion and confidence.

This idea is inspired by my book There's a Monster on My Shoulder, which helps children explore worries, self-talk and resilience through story.

You can learn more here:
erinjoybernardi.com

Not all of a child’s self-talk is kind… and they believe it.

Many children have an inner voice that can feel loud at times — telling them they’re not good enough, or that they can’t do something.

This book was created to help children notice that voice, understand it, and begin to respond to it in a more supportive way.

There's a Monster on My Shoulder opens up gentle conversations about self-talk, worries and confidence.

Available here:
erinjoybernardi.com

Children are naturally curious about the world around them.
But when they overhear conversations about war, disasters, rising costs, or frightening events, they can easily absorb more worry than their young minds know how to handle.

Unlike adults, children don’t yet have the life experience to put these events into perspective, so their imagination can quickly fill in the gaps.

When children bring up scary things they’ve heard, a calm and simple response can help them feel safe again.

1. Keep explanations simple
Children don’t need detailed information about complex or frightening events.
A short, age-appropriate explanation is usually enough. You might say something like:
"Something difficult is happening far away, but there are many people working to help."

2. Focus on safety and helpers
Young children feel calmer when they know that adults are in charge and people are helping.
Talking about helpers — doctors, firefighters, leaders, and communities working together — can shift their focus from fear to reassurance.

3. Be mindful of what they overhear
Children often hear more than we realise. News on the television, adult conversations, or discussions about world events can sometimes create unnecessary worry.
Being mindful of when and how these conversations happen can help protect children from carrying concerns that belong to the adult world.

Children don’t need to carry the weight of the world’s problems.
What they need most is the steady reassurance that the adults around them are there to keep them safe.

Few things hurt more than hearing your child say
“Nobody likes me.”

Our instinct is usually to jump in quickly with reassurance:

"Of course people like you!"
"You have lots of friends!"

But when children feel hurt socially, their brain is focused on one painful moment — and quick reassurance can sometimes make them feel like we didn’t quite understand what happened.

Instead, try slowing the moment down.

1. Get curious about the story
Rather than correcting the statement straight away, gently ask:
"What happened that made you feel that way?"

Often there is a specific moment behind the big statement — someone didn’t sit with them, a game didn’t go their way, or they felt left out.

2. Help them separate a moment from a pattern
Children can easily turn one experience into a big belief about themselves.
You might say:
"It sounds like today felt really tough with those friends."

This helps them understand something important:
one moment doesn’t define the whole story.

3. Build their friendship resilience
Friendships at school are still developing. Disagreements, hurt feelings and changing groups are all part of learning how relationships work.

Sometimes the most powerful message we can give is:
"Friendships can have hard moments — and we can figure them out."

Over time, these conversations teach children that feeling left out sometimes doesn’t mean they are unlikable — it means they are learning how friendships work.

Children don’t just need reassurance about friendships — they need help learning how friendships grow, change, and sometimes feel difficult.

Many parents notice that their child seems to hold it together all day at school, only to come home and suddenly fall apart.

Tears, frustration, big reactions or emotional outbursts after school are actually very common.
Children spend the day managing expectations, concentrating, navigating friendships, following rules, and regulating their emotions. By the time they get home, their emotional “tank” is often empty.

Home is where they feel safest - so it’s often where those big feelings finally come out.

If your child struggles after school, these small approaches can help.

1. Start with connection
Before jumping into homework, chores or lots of questions, give your child a moment to reconnect.
A snack, a cuddle, quiet play, or simply sitting together can help their nervous system settle after a big day.

2. Avoid too many questions straight away
Questions like “How was school?” or “What did you do today?” can sometimes feel overwhelming when children are already emotionally drained.
Instead, give them time. Often they will start sharing when they feel ready.

3. Allow time to decompress
Just like adults need time to unwind after work, children benefit from a little transition time after school.
Quiet play, outdoor movement, drawing, reading or simply relaxing can help reset their emotional energy before moving on to homework or evening routines.

Over time, these gentle moments of connection help children feel safe, supported, and understood after a long day.

Sometimes the biggest emotions appear when children finally reach the place where they feel safest - home.

Many children go through a stage where their minds fill with “what if” worries. Their imagination is developing quickly, but they don’t yet have the tools to manage big thoughts and uncertainty.

When your child shares a scary worry, these three simple steps can help guide them back to calm.

1. Acknowledge the worry
"That sounds like a scary thought."
Before trying to reassure or fix the worry, let your child know you hear them. When children feel understood, their nervous system begins to settle. Dismissing the worry too quickly can sometimes make them feel more alone with the thought.

2. Ground them in reality
"Right now we are safe and everything is okay."
Young children can get pulled into imagining future problems. Gently bring their attention back to the present moment and what is actually happening right now. This helps their brain step out of the worry loop.

3. Give their brain something helpful to do
"Let’s think of one thing that helps us feel brave."
Instead of trying to completely eliminate the worry, help your child focus on something empowering. This could be remembering a time they were brave, taking a slow breath together, or thinking of someone who helps them feel safe.

Over time, these small moments teach children an important skill: worries are just thoughts, and thoughts can be guided.

Sometimes the worries that visit our children can feel like a little monster sitting on their shoulder. When we stay calm and guide them through their thoughts, we help them realise that those worries don’t have to be in charge.

After a holiday break, it’s very normal for some children to feel anxious about going back to school.
The return to early mornings, expectations, friendships and separation from home can feel overwhelming for young minds.

When your child shares worries about going back, these three simple steps can help them feel supported.

1. Acknowledge the feeling
"It sounds like you're feeling a bit nervous about going back to school."
Children need to feel heard before they can feel reassured. When we acknowledge their feelings without dismissing them, it helps their brain settle and shows them their emotions are safe to share.

2. Focus on what is familiar and safe
"Let’s think about some things you know will be the same when you go back."
Reminding children of familiar people, routines and spaces can help reduce uncertainty. Talking about their teacher, a friend, their classroom or even their favourite play area can help make school feel predictable again.

3. Give them a small sense of control
"What’s one thing we can do to help you feel ready?"
Let them choose something simple like packing their bag together, picking a special snack for lunch, or planning something nice after school. Small choices help children feel more confident and capable.

Over time, these small conversations teach children that feeling nervous about change is normal - and that they can move through it with support.

Sometimes worries show up like a little voice whispering “what if.” With calm guidance and reassurance, children learn that those worries don’t have to be in charge.

When children hear words like war, crisis, or disaster… they don’t just hear information — they feel uncertainty.

Children are often more aware than we realise. They hear conversations, news, and worries around them. What they need most is not all the answers — but a sense of safety.

1. Listen to what they’re actually asking
Sometimes children ask big questions, but what they really want to know is: “Am I safe?”
Start by listening and gently asking what they have heard.

2. Keep explanations simple and honest
Use calm, age-appropriate language. You don’t need to share every detail — just enough to help them understand without overwhelming them.

3. Focus on what stays the same
Remind children of the things that are steady in their world — their family, their home, their routines, and the people who care for them.

💛 When children feel safe and supported, their sense of security becomes stronger than the worries around them. For resources to support childrens anxiety visit erinjoybernardi.com

Before self-regulation comes co-regulation — a calm adult, a safe space, and connection.
This isn’t spoiling. It’s brain development.

1. Stay calm first
Children borrow our nervous system. When we slow our voice, breathing, and reactions, it helps their brain begin to settle too.

2. Connect before correcting
In big emotions, children need to feel safe and understood first. A simple “I’m here with you” can help them feel supported.

3. Co-regulate, then guide
Once their body is calm, that’s when children are ready to listen, learn, and problem-solve.