Josie Coco - Counselling & Gestalt Psychotherapy

It’s the day-to-day atmosphere…

Environmental trauma isn’t just the big, obvious moments. It’s the day-to-day atmosphere you grew up in the tension in the air, the unpredictability, the silence after conflict, the feeling that no one was really paying attention to your heart. Research shows that our early environment shapes the parts of the brain responsible for: • safety and threat detection (amygdala) • emotional regulation (prefrontal cortex) • attachment and relationship patterns • stress tolerance and coping Teicher, Schore, Perry, and others found that a chaotic, neglectful, or emotionally unsafe home literally wires a child to stay on alert. So children learn to: • scan for danger • anticipate moods • shrink themselves • become the “easy one” • take care of adults instead of being cared for And those adaptations don’t disappear when we grow up. They follow us showing up as: • shutting down in conflict • overexplaining • hyper-independence • fear of relying on others • constant self-doubt • feeling unsafe even when nothing is wrong Not because you’re “broken,” but because your early environment taught your body that safety wasn’t guaranteed. This is the part most people miss: Even when your environment changes, your nervous system might still be living in the old one. But healing is possible through new, consistent experiences that teach your system: “Things are different now.” “I’m allowed to rest.” “I don’t have to be on guard.” “I can let someone in slowly.” Neuroscience calls this experience-dependent plasticity also often referred to as corrective experiences the idea that your brain can be reshaped by what it repeatedly experiences. So with: • safety • predictability • gentle relationships • somatic work • EMDR • co-regulation • and environments that don’t demand you to survive… Your body can learn what safety feels like. Your environment shaped you but a healthier environment can heal you too. Disclaimer in highlights Video credit @beatanxiety.me

I picked up Becoming Myself at a time when I was wrestling with the question, “Am I really living my own life, or just following a script others wrote for me?” It was late one night, my mind buzzing after another day of chasing deadlines that didn’t actually matter to me. I remember sitting on my couch with Yalom’s book, expecting a clinical psychology text—but what I found instead felt like sitting across from a wise elder who wasn’t afraid to be vulnerable. Yalom shares his own journey of aging, self-discovery, and even mistakes. It wasn’t a lecture. It was a conversation I didn’t know I desperately needed.

Here are 7 lessons that shaped me from this book:

1. Life is about becoming, not arriving.

Yalom stresses that we never really “arrive” at some final, perfected self. We’re always becoming. For me, this eased the pressure I felt to “have it all figured out.” It reminded me that growth doesn’t end at 30, or 50, or 80—it’s continuous.

2. Vulnerability is strength.

One of the most powerful parts of the book was Yalom’s honesty about his own aging and mortality. He doesn’t posture as the “all-knowing therapist”—he shows his own fears. That made me realize: hiding our struggles makes us weaker, not stronger. Vulnerability invites connection.

3. Death awareness can make life richer.

Yalom believes facing our mortality helps us live more fully. I used to avoid thinking about death—it felt too heavy. But when I let myself imagine the finiteness of life, my priorities shifted. Small annoyances mattered less, and time with loved ones felt more precious.

4. Authenticity beats approval.

He warns against shaping your life around what others expect. I saw myself in this—chasing roles and achievements to prove something. Yalom’s reminder to live authentically, not performatively, hit home. Approval fades; self-alignment lasts.

5. Therapy (and life) is about connection, not fixing.

As a therapist, Yalom emphasizes presence over prescriptions. It struck me how true this is in everyday relationships, too. People don’t always need advice—they need someone to sit with them, to witness their story. I’ve tried listening more deeply since, and it changes everything.

6. Regret can be a teacher.

Instead of burying regrets, Yalom suggests we use them as guides for the future. I once carried shame for not speaking up in moments that mattered. His perspective reframed regret: it’s not just pain, it’s information. And it can help us live differently moving forward.

7. Aging isn’t just decline—it’s perspective.

Yalom doesn’t sugarcoat aging, but he shows its gifts: wisdom, perspective, clarity. It made me less fearful of getting older and more curious about what lessons each stage of life can bring.

Book link: https://amzn.to/4olAy7a

Don’t miss out on the opportunity to get the captivating audiobook absolutely FREE! Simply click on the provided link to register for your copy on Audible and begin your unforgettable listening experience right away.

Attuning to another’s emotional needs can be learned and changes everything.

This…. It’s true for all of us and leads to 💔

Many men don’t escape their pain. They pass it on — unless they do the work to break the cycle. I’ve sat across from hundreds of men who don’t see how their pain is shaping their relationships. They see themselves as good men, but they don’t realize how their unchecked wounds and defensiveness impact the people they love. They get frustrated. They shut down. They lose their temper and blame their partner for “never letting things go.” They minimize. They deflect. They withdraw. But underneath all of it? There’s a boy. A boy who wasn’t seen, wasn’t heard, wasn’t allowed to be soft. A boy who learned that vulnerability was a liability, so he buried it under anger, withdrawal, or control. A boy who swore he’d never be like his parent, but still finds himself sounding just like them. Right now, that boy is in the driver’s seat. That’s why your partner feels dismissed. That’s why your kids avoid you when you’re in a mood. That’s why you keep promising to do better — but don’t. You think you’re protecting yourself. But what you’re really doing is wounding everyone around you. And if you don’t deal with what’s inside you, they’re the ones who will pay the price. That wounded boy doesn’t have to be in charge anymore. The real you — the grounded, loving, relational man — is waiting to take the wheel. Are you ready to put him back in charge? You don’t have to wait until things fall apart to start showing up differently. The people you love need you now. #traumahealing #generationaltrauma #toxicmasculinity #familytrauma #mentalhealthawareness

The most unsettling times emerge when we're confronted with the unknown. This blog provides some insights on how to support yourself daily as we all navigate these uncertain times.

How to Cope with Global Unrest: 10 Tips for Managing Anxiety Related to Social Injustice As we navigate immense political change, it's little wonder that there is a rising tide of anxiety related to social injustices.

Analysis paralysis.., familiar? I live this woman’s explanation.

The biggest mistake I was making when it came to overthinking? Underfeeling. I used to think my overthinking was about control—if I analyzed every possibility, I could prevent the worst from happening. But the truth? I wasn’t actually thinking too much… I was feeling too little. And that’s what trauma does! When you overthink your exam, you’re not just worried about failing. You’re trying to avoid the feeling of failure, in case it happens and you do fail —the shame, the disappointment, the fear of not being good enough. When you overanalyze a conversation, you’re not just looking for hidden meanings—you’re protecting yourself from the feeling of rejection. Your mind spins stories so you don’t have to sit with the discomfort. Overthinking isn’t just a habit. It’s a shield to protect you from what you may have experienced in the past. A way to stay safe from emotions that feel too big to hold. 🎶 How Music Helps you recover from trauma Music doesn’t ask you to explain your emotions—it lets you experience them safely. In music therapy, we use (e.g., “rhythmic grounding”) to help bring emotions into the body gently. A song like (e.g., “Fix You by Coldplay”) can guide you to feel sadness without drowning in it. Because healing isn’t about thinking your way out. It’s about feeling your way through. The more you try to think your way out of a trauma response, the more you keep staying stuck. ✨ If overthinking has been your shield, music can be your bridge. DM me to explore music therapy. 🎵 Grab my free workbook on overthinking if you haven’t already!!! Over 2000+ have used it and found immense benefits! ♥️ comment “feel” #overthinking #overthinker #overthinkersclub #traumaresponse #nervoussystem #nervoussystemregulation #shame #childhoodtrauma

The value of minimising exposure to media. Keeping a curious mind underscored by compassion for our humanity has to be developed as a conscious decision.

Mastering Mass Manipulation: 4 Key Rules You Must Know Discover the powerful dynamics of crowd psychology and mass manipulation. We explore four crucial rules: the influence of emotions, the power of repetition, the impact of visuals, and the effect of prestige on judgment. Learn how these principles shape beliefs in the collective mind. #MassManipulation #CrowdPsychology #EmotionalInfluence #VisualImpact #PsychologyOfCrowds #SocialDynamics #RepetitionEffect #CriticalThinking #PrestigePower #MindControl

Therapists are human too…

Therapists are navigating life just like everyone else, bringing compassion, resilience, and dedication to their work every day. What are some other common myths about therapists that you’ve heard? #therapistlife #therapist #therapistcommunity #mentalhealthawareness