Thrive: Resilience Education.

08/08/2023

03/04/2023

01/03/2023

What you already 'are'
is familiar
(to you).
That's what you call 'you.'
Anything else is unfamiliar.
It's risky.
You'll take the familiar,
even if it's destroying your life.

Notes on Human Nature.
Carina TL.
Candl Education.
Neuropsychodynamic Therapist.

What you already 'are' is familiar (to you).
That's what you call 'you.'
Anything else is unfamiliar. It's risky.
You'll take the familiar, even if it's destroying your life.

Notes on Human Nature.
Carina TL.
Candl Education.
Neuropsychodynamic Therapist.

16/11/2022

"In anger, we should refrain both from speech and action." - Pythagoras

Whenever we are emotional, particularly angry, overwhelmed, bewildered, grieved, or any emotions that are consuming to us, our brains tend to orientate towards the limbic and amygdala. These are the reactionary parts of our brains that are orientated towards survival.
There is always a strong possibility that we might bypass our orbitofrontal cortex, where our rationality and thinking brain is orientated.

It is unwise to make important decisions, statements, or take actions, in particular ones that can impact our or other people's lives, when we are emotional.

It is okay to allow others to see the impact on you, and that you are upset, however, be aware that you may not be your 'self' during times like these.

When you are overwhelmed by emotions, if at all possible, seek time and space to breathe and bring yourself out of the upheaval. Limit your interactions, and don't sign, agree to, or create any lasting or important decisions.

If you know that a particular topic or person is consistently triggering, get support or guidance when dealing with these.

The repercussions of reactionary decisions can be impacting and potentially detrimental to your life.

It is wise to seek a pre-plan for how you want to handle yourself when these situations occur.

- Carina TL

10/11/2022

Have you ever looked at all the bustle about the Hustle and immediately felt exhausted?
Do you find the grind leaves you resigned?

Perhaps, Hustle isn't actually your style?
Consider, it's not the only style available to you.
It's just the loudest one currently.

There is an old story, one of Aesop's Fables, we can bounce off while we look at this, that most of us heard in our childhoods - The Tortoise and the Hare. In this story, we hear the tale of two different ways of winning the race.

At this time, it seems like the Hare is constantly saying: "You're too slow! You have to hustle, bustle, to race hard and fast like me."
And wow, that Hare really is fast and exciting!

There is nothing wrong with this. This style really suits some people. They have high energy and are sprinters in how they take on life and their projects. They love the excitement and the intensity and thrive on adrenaline.

Some people are more like the Tortoise in their style. Seeking harmony, peaceful connections, and calm stability. They like to check the details thoroughly and ensure that all the i's are dotted, and t's crossed. They take their time to ensure that they have fulfilled all of their commitments. Perhaps they love the connection they experience with people and take their time to really have people feel valued and seen. They plod along with great stamina and endurance and ensure all pieces are securely in place as they move towards their finish line.

Consider, there are many other styles, other than these polar opposites, and that it's not actually a competition. Finding the right fit for you and how you perform at your best is the aim. When you are opperating in YOUR genius zone and style, your health, happiness, contentment, and desire to maintain consistency in your pursuits will naturally thrive.

What is your best style?
If you had to pick your animal that Aesop would add into the Fable, what would it be?
What is the natural environment and rhythm of this animal?
Perhaps you can try out a few different styles until you find one that fits neatly for you.

Don't get stuck in someone else's style, trying to live someone else's life.

- Carina TL

30/10/2022

Part 2.

Creating a new future that is not a projection of our past requires a constant commitment to being complete, and creating closure deliberately.

There is no specific set way to do this, however, let's look at ways we can create completion.

Note - This is not a venting, attacking, making wrong, or word vomiting scenario. It is respectful and mature. You also need permission from the other person to create completion.

1. Do you have a person you need to be complete with?
Is there an issue existing with someone in your life, or from your past?
Is it safe or possible to talk with that person? If possible, do this.
If not, you could write to them or for yourself only, or ask someone to stand in their place for you.
Create a setting in which completion is beneficial to both or all parties.

2. Address the issue.
What happened?
What did you decide about what happened?
What did or didn't you do that remains between you?
What can you take responsibility for? You have harboured this sentiment, and this has an impact on the relationship.
Do you need to ask for forgiveness for your part?
Be clear -eg, I acknowledge and take responsibility for...

3. Take actions required.
Apologise.
Give up the complaint.
Forgive them and yourself, and be forgiven.
Use generative language: Eg, I am giving up the grude I have been habouring for 'X amount of time'.

4. Ask if there is anything you can do to create completion for the other person.
How can you demonstrate your commitment to being complete?

During the conversation, keep looking for incompletions.
What is coming up during the conversation?

If you are concerned about remaining intentional during the conversation, and not confident in your ability to provide this, you have further completion to do privately, or with a friend, therapist, or mentor first.

Remember, the aim is to create completion, not re-ignite the issue.

When we are complete, we see people and the world in a new way. Completion opens up new possible futures for us to live into, and allows creativity and aliveness to thrive.

- Carina TL

26/10/2022

"Unity does not equal uniformity. Quite the opposite. Unity embraces idiosyncracies, individuality, and expression."
- Carina TL

Having united goals and camaraderie are important attributes of mutual progress and connection for all types and levels of relational interactions.
When people work unitedly together in mutually connected coordination, results are
👉more efficient,
👉more effective,
👉and provide an augmented multiplication rate of output.

It's possible for unity to be misconstrued as requiring uniformity.
Requiring or expecting that everyone should
👥️️match,
👥️️be similar in their actions and thinking,
👥️️and even appear the same.
Rather, this concept cannot bring anything new to the table.

🚩It is replicating, rather than innovating.🚩

It is an impasse of
💥️️inspiration,
💥️imagination,
💥️️possibility,
💥️️and creativity.
It is, most importantly, the destruction of ✨️️vulnerability,✨️ without which none of these essential elements can exist.

💯 Vulnerability is required for difference to show up - for originality.
In fact, it is the source of
🤍innovation,
🤍love,
🤍belonging,
🤍and joy.

When people are capable of being
💖vulnerable,
💖safe,
💖feel accepted just the way they are,
💖and just as importantly, feel accepted just the way they are not,
💖and naturally fully expressed,
in a harmonious unified environment, they are free to
✨️create,
✨️play,
✨️explore,
✨️get it wrong,
✨️trust,
✨️receive and express empathy,
✨️and have the courage to try.
The unexpected aspects that vulnerability provide are that of
✨️accountability,
✨️problem-solving,
✨️feedback,
✨️hard conversations,
✨️adaptability to change,
✨️and ethical decision-making,
are all attributes of vulnerability, and requisite to productivity.

💥These qualities are all vital for unity to exist.💥

️To have a
⭐️powerful,
⭐️joy filled,
⭐️connected,
⭐️peaceful,
⭐️creative life,
we need to embrace each other's differences with
👌harmony,
👌acceptance,
👌appreciation,
👌recognition,
👌acknowledgment,
🥳enthusiasm,
🎉and celebration.

- Carina TL

14/10/2022

"Being coachable is an act of intentional generosity, to the person providing you with coaching and to yourself.
It's easy to resist, know it already, and not be willing to be told.
👉That's your ego and defensive behaviours.👈
Letting go of these protective walls can feel uncomfortable and risky. You need to choose the step, and be a gift of coachability.
Don't get stuck in the past.
The hardest people to be around
are those incapable of being contributed to."
- Carina TL

😬 And don't I know it!
I know what it's like to be little-miss-independent. The over-educated I-know-better-than-you. 👀
And I KNOW that it's a protective wall to hide behind for my ego. 😅 Trust me, my coaches of the past have known it too. Phwoah. I'm grateful for their resilience and willingness to intentionally have me grow beyond this limitation that kept me small. 🥰

👉 When we're resistant to learning and being coached, we're ensuring our vulnerabilities don't get exposed. We are automatically risk adverse to our weaknesses being discovered.
🧠 It's a subconscious defence that's automatically and already present.
💥 It IS a limiting behaviour, and it will prevent you from growing. It will also keep the people in your life from feeling safe to uninhibitedly talk honestly and openly with you.
You have to step outside of your comfort zone to be coachable. Be willing to try on, have a go, step into the new space being offered to you.
It's going to feel uncomfortable, because you don't already know how to do this.
It's alien.
Your brain and habits don't like different. They don't like change. But that doesn't mean it's not good for you. In fact, that's where you're going to find aliveness and vivacity.
Learn how to be open to ideas and input from others without resistance. It will keep your mind healthy, flexible, and growing.

- Carina TL

.com

27/09/2022