The Atypical Educator

I’ve always believed that social stories present in a classroom are a window into attitudes towards disability and inclusion.

This is the perfect example.

It’s not about helping a student learn to navigate big emotions. It’s not about teaching them to advocate for their needs.

It’s about the grown up in the room being uncomfortable/frustrated at a child’s behaviour.

It’s about a child being told that their reactions are not valid and what they’re feeling matters less than the needs of the grown ups in the room with them.

The goals on paper that students have about growth and independence mean very little when they’re being groomed to be silent and compliant in the classroom.

(tw: ableism/prejudice)

I would like to start this post by saying that this was NOT something at the school that I worked at.

Someone was asking for advice online from other parents about what to do with this paper that their school sent home, asking them to reinforce teaching it to their young Autistic child.

Since the whole entire thing is a bunch of absolute crap, I decided to rewrite points out to the side in red -- although my points are just rebuttals, they don't make anything about this more palatable or appropriate to be teaching a child.

1. "Sometimes other people cry. If other people cry, I do not have to cry. I can ask them if they are OK."
This is the least offensive thing on here and it's still offensive. Probably for a number of reasons, but the one that springs immediately to mind is the fact that there's an extremely prevalent stereotype that Autistic people "don't have empathy" or "don't feel empathy for other people". Then you turn right around and have something like this where they're trying to teach an Autistic child overwhelmed by early childhood empathy/sympathy that crying when other people cry is unacceptable.

You can teach, "Ask him if he's OK" without having to tell them not to cry. You also don't *have* to teach that, you can just model it.

2. "Sometimes I want something but can't have it. I am OK if I can't have what I want. I do not have to cry or whine."
I don't know if whoever made this has ever met young people. (Or, arguably, people.) Young people cry when they are disappointed. So do adult people, it's just that their metric for disappointment is usually higher.

I also feel the need to point out that some adults will go, "Well, but she's screaming and crying and carrying on dramatically"...and she very well might be. She also very well might not feel like she had to scream and cry at maximum drama level if she felt like she was being heard when she cried of quiet disappointment.

3. "Sometimes my mom or dad or teacher shows me a picture of something that I don't like. I will do what they want me to do. I do not have to cry or whine."
Okay. This is the really horrific one for at least two reasons.

The first reason is that this is a HUGE RED FLAG for abuse and for abusers to exploit. Imagine hearing this sentence out of context: "If an adult shows you a picture you don't like, you have to do what they want you to without crying or whining." Does anybody's mind not immediately go to a very frightening and dark place? Can you imagine saying that to your child? I'm sorry, we should be teaching them the EXACT OPPOSITE of this.

Okay. But I know that's not what this teacher meant, and I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt, because of the little PECS-style picture next to the sentence. I'm going to take an interpretational leap here and assume that what they meant is actually something like: "When an adult shows you picture cards that aren't an activity that you like, you don't need to cry or whine" yadda yadda. The scenario there being less like "What if someone shows you inappropriate/explicit photos" and more like "If the teacher shows you a visual schedule indicating that your favorite activity is over and it's time to go do something you dislike"...like clean up, or have to put down a toy to go use the bathroom, or whatever.

Okay. So the phrasing is really bad, we can all agree that. Given the intent behind the words instead -- even with fully innocent, innocuous intent -- I STILL FEEL AS STRONGLY ABOUT THIS. Why?

Because even with perfectly innocent intent, "stop crying and protesting and let adults do whatever to you" is a horrible message to teach children, let alone especially vulnerable children. This is why compliance-based teaching drives me absolutely nuts.

I've said before and I'm sure I'll end up saying it again: it's the children who are put on my OT services with a "learn self advocacy" goal that almost invariably had ABA or compliance-based or behavioristic services in their past. (I would say "invariably" except I don't have data on every single child to back that up.)

What that means is that that child was born with an instinct to protect and take care of themselves, and to express their needs and wants...just like every other human being ever born. And at some point in their earliest years, maybe as young as 2 or 3, they were trained to ignore what their body is telling them, to suppress their emotions and sensory input, in order to please an adult that they desperately want a relationship and a connection with. (Or, worse, in order to avoid punishment.)

And then when they're 8 or 10 or 12, the adults around them are like, "When they need help, they won't ask for it, and I can't understand why or how to make them self-advocate."

Crying and whining are self-advocacy. Full stop.

They are annoying, obnoxious, immature self-advocacy. Believe me. I know. I live with young children and a statistically significant sensory sensitivity to noise. I know that screaming and crying and whining and carrying-on are awful. (I believe that they are engineered to be that way in order to prompt adults around to have to do something!) I am not saying "let children cry and scream and whine as much as they want forever".

I am saying that this is not the way to teach them how to advocate for themself. You don't teach someone to refine a skill by first teaching them to stop the skill in its tracks.

[ID: the image is of a piece of paper titled "no crying or whining" with PECS-style images throughout that support the text that has been transcribed throughout this caption. Over the top of it are my words in red, also described throughout this caption. /ID]

I’m still unpacking a lot of what was announced today but this is a great rundown from Occupational Therapy Australia.

I can’t wait to get my hands on this book!!

Did you hear?

Our founder, Dr. Ross Greene, has a new book coming 2/24: The Kids Who Aren’t Okay: The Urgent Case for Reimagining Support, Belonging, and Hope in Schools.

It’s a practical guide for meeting students where they are: shifting from reactive, behavior-first responses to proactive problem-solving in real classrooms.

Learn more: https://www.amazon.com/Kids-Who-Arent-Okay-Reimagining/dp/B0G6F952XB/

First week of preschool done for the year!

Before we said goodbye yesterday, we asked the children what their favourite things to do at preschool were.

“Morning Tea!”
“Lunch time!”
“Having a nap!”

🤣🤣🤣

Our children are not political footballs!!! 😡

The $2bn Thriving Kids scheme, due to start on 1 July, would instead start in October, after states said they were not ready yet

The image Prime Minister and Health Minister walking inside a government building. Over the photo, there is a large text headline that reads: “Labor offers to delay NDIS autism changes if states agree to hospital and disability funding deal.”

The Australian Open is definitely not my idea of a great day out but just look at their accessibility and inclusion efforts! Gold star to AO making their even inclusive & accessible!

We decided to go to the Australian Open today. What is awesome, are the sensory bags available at the accessibility check point!

Not only was it offered to us upon arrival, another staff member recommended them to us when they realised we had sensory needs waiting in line for something.

I did bring ear defenders and sun glasses for my kids, but to have these bags available is so helpful! It's so hard leaving the house and trying to remember everything, so these as a backup is very helpful!

Well done Australian Open !