Wisdom Parenting ~ "Becoming a Love and Logic Parent"

There are many paths to success. Some kids go the traditional route, finding relatively easy success in learning and in school. Others struggle with school yet develop valuable skills through other avenues. When all is said and done, the priorities should always be placed on relationships, building good character, and helping kids learn to focus on their strengths!

Hope and pray that your kids make plenty of affordable mistakes when they are young.
Hold them accountable for these mistakes with sincere empathy.
Do this so they can learn when the “price tags” are still small.

💡 The road to wisdom is paved with mistakes and consequences!

Just about every family with more than one child experiences sibling rivalry. If your kids ever argue with each other, complain about each other, or tussle a bit, it means that they are normal. Listed below are some tips for saving your sanity and turning sibling rivalry into a wonderful learning opportunity for your kids: Stay out of the problem whenever possible. Avoid teaching your children that fighting with each other is a good way to get your attention. Say to them, “It looks like you guys have a problem that you need to solve. I’ll be happy to give you some suggestions about solving this problem when both of you are calm. Separate them if necessary. If your kids continue to hassle your eyes and ears with fighting, say, “I’m going to have to do something about this. We’ll talk when everyone is calm.” Expect them to replace the energy they drained out of you by doing extra chores, hiring a babysitter so that you can go out and relax, staying home instead of being driven to their friend’s houses, etc.

Provide discipline when it's convenient for you…not for the kids.

Avoid falling into the trap of trying to solve problems or provide immediate consequences. Take care of yourself by taking time and handling the problem when you have the time, energy, and support you need.

Set limits to avoid becoming a doormat.

Effective people set limits by describing how they will take care of themselves…not what others should do. For example:

I do the extra things I do around here when I feel respected.

I listen to students when their voices sound calm like mine.

I _______ when I don't have to hear complaining or arguing.

Focus on what you can control.

A sure recipe for disaster involves trying to make kids happy, attempting to make them be good students, trying to make them get enough sleep, ensuring that they pick the right friends, etc.

What we do have control over is what we model, the types of limits we set, and how we respond when these limits are tested.

Please tell me I'm not alone when it comes to keeping your kids on task to get ready for school. Some days are so draining. Let's share some tips that work.

Loving our children requires that we first take care of ourselves in loving, unselfish ways. Too frequently, we are led to believe that "good parents" should sacrifice their own needs to serve their children. While this sounds sweet and ever so politically correct, trying to accomplish it leaves our love-reserves depleted:

When our bucket is empty, we have nothing to give. Love and Logic is not about being narcissistic or selfish, it's about giving kids the gift of patient, encouraging, relaxed, and enthusiastic role models. Below are a few quick reminders:

Focus on what you can control.
Set limits to avoid becoming a doormat.
Provide discipline when it's convenient for you…not for the kids.

I will expand on the above in the coming weeks. Have a great one.

Tips for Putting an End to Arguing and Backtalk

Does it ever seem like children carry around a little book called, “Arguing for Fun and Profit?” To put an end to this draining behavior, experiment with the below steps regardless of what your child says. The key, of course, is to maintain a soft, empathetic tone of voice!

Step one: When your child starts to argue, go "brain dead"
Step two: Select your favorite Love and Logic one-liner.
“I love you too much to argue.”
“Probably so.”
“I know.”
“I bet it feels that way.”
“What do you think you’re going to do?”
“What did I say?”
“I don’t know. What do you think?”
Step three: If your child continues to argue, repeat yourself like a broken record
Step four: Walk away!

Parenting is tough because we love our children. Since highly effective teachers also love their students, they struggle with the same temptations. We want the best for them. We worry that they’ll become irresponsible. We sometimes feel panicked because they don’t seem to be turning out the way we hoped. As educators we mourn when we aren’t reaching a child in the way we hoped.

Lots of intense feelings can muddy our minds and leave us forgetting that we can’t talk tykes…or teens…into being respectful, responsible and self-controlled. In fact, the more extensive our vocabularies become, the less effective we become.

The more words we use when things are going poorly, the less effective we become.