29/07/2026
Food for thought💙
One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is to think highly of them.
Not because they always deserve praise.
Not because their behaviour is always acceptable.
But because the story we tell ourselves about our children shapes how we respond to them.
When we begin to see a child as "manipulative", "attention seeking", "naughty" or "difficult", it becomes much easier to justify responding with frustration, punishment or emotional distance.
When we instead hold them in unconditional positive regard, we ask different questions.
🤔"What might be happening for this child?"
🤔"What need is underneath this behaviour?"
🤔"How can I hold this boundary while protecting our relationship?"
Unconditional positive regard doesn't mean having no boundaries. It doesn't mean excusing hurtful behaviour and it doesn't mean lowering expectations.
In fact, I think it's the opposite.
The children we hold in the highest regard are the ones we believe are capable of learning, repairing, growing and doing better.
High expectations and high warmth belong together.
We can calmly stop behaviour that isn't okay while communicating: "I may not like what you're doing right now, but I will never stop seeing your worth."
That doesn't make children entitled, it makes them feel safe enough to learn. Shame rarely inspires lasting change but Connection does.
The children who most test our capacity for connection are often the ones who need it most.
Sometimes the most important thing we can protect isn't our child's self-esteem. It's our own ability to keep seeing the good in them, even on their hardest days.
References: Rogers, 1957; 1961; Bowlby, 1988; Powell, Cooper, Hoffman, & Marvin, 2013; Siegel, & Bryson, 2020; Tangney, Stuewig, & Mashek, 2007