18/06/2024
“FAKE AND YOU WILL MAKE IT”.
This was one of the mottos of Yogi Bhajan and this is what I followed 18 years ago in China.
I was so touched by the teachings, empowered by Yogi Bhajan's projection to serve by teaching, that I jumped into the role of teacher and very quickly into the role of trainer. It was successful, even though I was not completely aware of what was happening.
The projection of the students reinforced my role as a teacher and my identification with it. Being a teacher became my identity, reinforced by the Bana (white clothes and turban) and my spiritual name. This “impersonal” role (the archetype of the teacher/trainer) gave me altitude and neutrality. It all happened quickly, and I thought fast was a sign that it worked!
But this “impersonal” aspect created a distance between my personal self and my personal life. I had no space and no time to digest the impact of this role and mission on my personal structure (resistances, subconscious reactions, and triggered memories in the form of sensations and emotions).
The light of the impersonal covered my shadow (deeper needs ignored because they were not in tune with the “mission”) and got entangled with my personal strategies to cover my wounds (my mask). Experiencing only the impersonal aspect leaves only one possibility: to bury deeper our traumas and wounds and develop a spiritual mask.
Without the integration of my shadow and my most profound subconscious reactions, I would have developed tendencies like many other trainers that I met on that path:
• arrogance and pride dissimulated under a spiritual mask (“I see what you don’t see,” “I understand what you cannot understand”),
• a strong projection to always give the responsibility to the students (“It is your karma, not mine!”),
• an indifference that creates separation but gives the illusion to others (students) that they have not reached such “level”!
• a status based on years of experience, or years spent with Yogi Bhajan and the relationships built within the community,
• a status based on years of “sacrifice” and “seva”!!!,
• looking on the spiritual path for a “successful career” to compensate for the “failures” in the personal life.
It is not all black and white, but basically, this dynamic is the perfect recipe for ABUSE.
Since I abuse myself, ignoring parts of who I am (especially the feminine aspects), I need to manipulate others (students) to validate my unconscious strategies and directly or indirectly abuse them to protect my shiny armor and mask.
Thanks to my wife, Sat Sarbat, and my dear friend Fateh, who were real supports and mirrors during my journey to avoid that impersonal pit.
Thanks to COVID and the allegations of Yogi Bhajan that gave me space and time:
• to dismantle my subtle “hidden schizophrenia,”
• to meditate hours to digest what was put on hold for so many years,
• to dissolve my mask of the savior,
• to integrate the father aspect and regain self-authority,
• to take full responsibility for what I teach,
• to come back to simplicity,
• time to get out of this self-abuse dynamic of “busyness” and “martyr”,
• to realize that “I am enough” beyond any role,
• to teach from a different place where only acknowledging what is happening within is the compass and not what Yogi Bhajan said,
• to develop a stronger relationship to the Golden Chain, which is not conditioned by Yogi Bhajan’s projection but is based on a heart/soul connection to a vaster network of wisdom.
I am very grateful for this journey, but it was challenging sometimes. It created very intense pressure, compromising my mental health. The depression was as significant as the inflation, and the darkness was as endless as the light. I would not recommend it.
Don’t get me wrong, I am forever grateful to Yogi Bhajan and how much he delivered, giving us access to such precious teachings. But he came to Canada and the US more than 50 years ago and died 20 years ago. Our collective sensitivity and awareness have changed and opened new ways to integrate these teachings. Under a more developed sensitivity, the condition of our collective nervous system needs more precautions. We no longer need to create this gap between an archetype and who we are and then struggle to cover this distance. It worked only for the few crazy ones!
We have been experiencing these changes in methodology and pedagogy within our school, Ajai Alai Awakening. I am again very grateful to Sat Sarbat and Fateh for making this journey possible and integrate these teachings at the collective level.
Sat Sarbat Olympia
Fateh Ji
