Zeta Yarwood Career & Life Coaching

I turned 45 on Sunday.

At 34, I took the biggest risk of my career, leaving full time employment to start my own coaching business.

I never thought at 45, I’d be doing it again.

Coaching was the dream. I didn’t want to do anything else.

But things changed.

I changed.

A longing for learning, something new, arose.

Now I’m on a path where the outcome is uncertain. Studying politics and international relations to understand what’s going on at the global leadership level. With no idea of what will happen next.

But if these last few years have reminded me of anything, it’s:

1) If your problems this year were the same as last year’s, your life is not your problem. Fear is.

2) If you’re not happy with anything in your life, you’ll have to take a risk to change it. Accept that or accept life as it is. Or risk always living in pain.

3) You don’t hate your job. You hate who you have to be to survive it.

4) Sometimes it’s harder to change direction when things are going well, not when they are broken.

5) Stability in what you care about is peace. Stability in what no longer fits is death to the soul.

6) Being successful at something you’ve outgrown is a unique type of grief.

7) Most people aren’t stuck because they lack options. They’re stuck because every option threatens who they have been.

8) Nobody is coming to save you. But that doesn’t mean you have to face everything alone. If you get stuck, ask for help.

9) Reinvention is easier when you stop treating your past choices as permanent commitments. Give yourself permission to let go.

10) Remember - just because your path looks different, it doesn’t mean you are lost.

11) You don’t have to justify your choices to anyone. The only person who needs to make peace with them is you.

12) Starting again does not mean starting from zero; you’re bringing experience and wisdom with you.

13) At 45, what matters is not how much experience you have, but the courage to use it differently.

The most important lesson of all?

Family above everything else. Always.

Which lesson resonates with you the most?

THE REAL REASON WE’RE SO STRESSED, ANXIOUS AND BURNT OUT

- A toxic work culture or boss
- Overload
- The fears of not meeting expectations/failure; losing our reputations or our jobs

Common causes of workplace stress.

But why do some people cope OK in these situations while others don’t?

After a decade of coaching, I’ve realised there’s a common belief shared in times of high stress:

📌 I AM ALONE.

Alone in carrying a particular burden.

Alone in their experience.

A belief they will be rejected and alone should they “fail”.

Underpinned by the fear: “I won't survive (alone).”

The fear and shame of sharing how we feel, asking for help and looking weak (and insane) keeps us trapped in our struggles.

Yes, life can be stressful.

But the real reason we’re so stressed, anxious and burnt out isn’t purely due to a rise in stressful situations.

📌 It’s because there is a pandemic of emotional isolation and disconnection - from others and ourselves - leading us to believe we have to struggle alone. It's this belief that creates the most pain.

If you believed you had everyone you needed to help you solve your problems/support you, would you feel as stressed?

We live in a world where:

➡️ We spend more time in front of a screen than we do people.

➡️ We’re “neurotic” if we’re not coping. Our shame keeps us disconnected from ourselves and others, and more connected to our phones.

➡️ We’re bombarded with messages to focus on self-interest. To chase freedom over contribution to gain more control over our lives.

💡 We seek control to feel safe in a world we don't feel safe in. But in doing so we disconnect and miss out on the very thing we seek: the psychological safety that only love and connection can bring.

I don't have all the answers but I do believe reducing stress means focusing on connection. Being kind to ourselves and brave enough to share our worries with our families, friends, colleagues or a higher power. To seek and accept help. To offer kindness and help in return.

It means creating work environments of trust, care and connection.

When we feel connected and supported, we not only survive but thrive.

IS THE FEAR OF CHANGE KEEPING YOU STUCK?

We all have aspects of our lives we’d like to change. But how many of us actually do anything about them?

I’ve lived in for 14 years. It’s been an amazing ride. But, as often happens, life became predictable. Desires have changed. have changed. A new experience is calling.

said that if you cannot make peace with/accept, find enthusiasm for or align with something in your life, it’s time to make a change.

What stops us from making this change?

Fear.

❗️“What if I leave and ‘x’ happens?”

❗️“I’ve invested so much time and energy into ‘y’, what if I’m insane to go?”

But the truth is - we outgrow things. Outgrow people. Places. What once felt right, might not feel right anymore. It doesn’t make us bad or wrong or weak to realise this. What WILL weaken us is staying in a situation we can’t align with. It’s death to the soul.

It’s easier to keep going in our routines. To stick with what we know. But if we stay, knowing deep down it’s not right or even good for us. Trapped by the fear that what we want doesn’t exist or change is impossible/too hard. We exist but don't really LIVE.

If you’re not happy with something in your life, you have 3 options:

➡️ stay stuck, resentful and do nothing

➡️ change your perspective and look for what you can accept, enjoy and align with in your circumstances. (Seek help if needed.)

➡️ make a change

There might be a voice in your head telling you, “What’s the point? There are no better jobs/companies/people/places out there. Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.”

But that voice is lying to you. Better DOES exist. It IS out there. But if you don’t look for it you will NEVER find it.

You might not be able to make the change today or tomorrow. But with a plan, patience, persistence, (to have those difficult conversations with yourself and loved ones) and time, you CAN make it.

Whether you choose to stay stuck or choose to move, both will be uncomfortable. Only with will you create the YOU want and find whatever it is you seek.
Big love,

Z x

DO YOU FEEL YOU ALWAYS NEED TO BE PRODUCTIVE?

I recently went through a challenging time as a 'creator'.

I lost my spark.

I'd sit down at my laptop to write and NOTHING.

I thought it was a phase. But after weeks of not being able to produce anything, I started to feel concerned. When weeks turned into months, anxiety set in.

I realised so much was tied to my ability to produce. My identity. My sense of purpose and worth. My business and livelihood.

Throw in the thought my creativity had dried up, it felt like I was dying inside.

Like all personal challenges, it forced me to go inward and figure out what was happening. What I discovered was a belief that, if I’m not producing, it means I’m:

- falling behind

- failing

- “Less than"

- not enough

Throw in the comparison of other people being productive and my self-worth was shaking.

I see this A LOT in my clients and my friends. The constant need to produce. Achieve. Be busy. Do. To escape their feelings. Hoping whatever they "achieve" will give them what they won’t allow themselves to feel NOW:

➡️ Love

➡️ Peace

➡️ Success

➡️ Self-worth

To overcome this we have to face the fear. What would happen if you did nothing?

So I sat with myself. Just me. No books. No music. No phone, laptop or TV. To face what happens in my mind and body when the fear of not producing arrives.

It’s been HARD. I felt myself reaching for my phone as the emotions came. Boredom first. Then agitation. The feeling something was missing or wrong.

Then the fears of being nothing. Having nothing. Losing it all and being left alone.

People often ask me - WHAT IS FREEDOM?

What I’m learning is this.

Freedom IS NOT the ability to control or dictate what happens in our lives.

It’s the ability to be content with who we are and what we have.

Without the labels. Titles. Roles. Identities.

The accolades and milestones.

The material "stuff", 5* travel and perfect bods.

It’s the knowing that without it all, we’re still loveable, worthy and enough.

How do you feel about yourself when you're not productive?

Zeta

ARE YOU SUBCONSCIOUSLY PUTTING PRESSURE ON EVERYONE AROUND YOU?

I see this when coaching all the time. Whether they’re at home or in the office.

Individuals who are so caught in their heads, only focusing on what they need to get done, they’re completely unaware of the pressure they’re not just putting on themselves, but on everyone around them

“I need to be there now!”

“I can’t be late.”

“I can’t make a mistake.”

“I CANNOT fail.”

Sometimes a little bit of pressure can help to get things done and grow people outside of their comfort zones.

But apply it for too long and eventually, the cracks will begin to show. Increased stress, frustration, anger, demotivation, withdrawal and breakdowns in communication are all
warning signs people aren’t coping with the pressure. Everyone has their limit.

How do we get to this point?

By not taking the time to connect with ourselves and those around us.

To connect individually and collectively assessing “WHY?” we’re doing this. How important is it?

To care enough to regularly check in with those around us and ask:

♥️ How’s everyone doing today?

♥️ What’s going well? Where are you stuck?

♥️ What do you need?

♥️ How can I support you best? Who do you need me to be to help you today?

Self-care and self-connection mean applying the same questions to ourselves.

Being a great person, employee, parent, friend, family member is NOT just about getting stuff done.

It’s showing genuine interest in others. It’s consideration. It’s an awareness of how your behaviour is affecting those around you and respecting other people’s needs.

It’s seeing into the hearts of others and doing your best to help them become the best versions of themselves.

It’s support and lifting each other up for both individual and collective success.

Yes sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is a little bit of tough love. But it’s love still the same. ♥️

It’s connectedness.

How much time do you take to connect?

Thoughts?

The pursuit of happiness can cause more stress than joy. Living every day with gratitude, no matter how flawed or busy our lives look, makes a big difference to our emotional balance & wellbeing.

💙 𝗛𝗢𝗪 𝗜𝗦 𝗘𝗫𝗧𝗥𝗔𝗢𝗥𝗗𝗜𝗡𝗔𝗥𝗬 𝗜𝗦 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗥 𝗟𝗜𝗙𝗘?

ARE YOU JUST NOT READY TO HEAR IT?

I was 29 when I came across NLP. A programme I heard could make me a brand new person. A magic pill for all my problems.

It worked. Temporarily. Then old habits came back in. I was back to square one.

Why? Because I wasn’t ready to hear it.

Lasting change requires taking responsibility for our thoughts, emotions and actions FOR LIFE. I wasn't ready to hear that. I wanted the magic pill!

Not because I was "bad" but because my nervous system was so entrenched in fight or flight, the blinkers were on. I couldn't see, and didn't WANT to see, it wasn't up to the world to change. The change needed to happen in me.

My victim was at the steering wheel and wasn’t ready to let go. It wasn't safe enough to change.

Only after surrounding myself with beautiful people who had created change, did the penny drop. Because now I was safe, out of fight and flight and ready to take responsibility for my life.

You can read all the books in the world but until your subconscious is convinced it’s safe to change, you will continue with the same patterns.

1) Surround yourself with the right people

2) Believe you CAN handle the discomfort of change.

3) Gently nudge yourself forward knowing you ARE loved and safe.

And change will happen.

Thoughts?

Zeta

THE RISK OF BEING A “HIGH-ACHIEVER”

A client came to me because she was struggling with her team. Slow and seemingly unambitious, they were hindering her progress to .

She was angry. Frustrated. Her ability to achieve out of her control. Whatever frustration she couldn’t manage inward she projected outward.

Like many high-achievers, as a child, she'd learned in order to receive validation (love) and avoid criticism she HAD to achieve.

"Only when I achieve am I enough."

She chased goal after goal. Hoping achieving “this one” would make her feel whole. She told herself she was chasing her life’s purpose so her behaviour and obsession with achievement were completely justified. But no achievement out there can fill a void in here.

And this is the crux.

When ONLY focusing on achievement, our tunnel vision blinds us to all the other ways to feel what we really want to feel - WHOLE.

In chasing achievement, we ignore fulfilment. Fulfilment IS feeling whole.

Fulfilment from meaningful relationships.

From contribution. Purpose.

From building a meaningful life. A meaningful relationship with ourselves.

We block these things. We see them as a hindrance, not a help. Our frustration pushes them away.

Why do we do this?

Because they all require vulnerability. One thing many of us, particularly high-achievers, don't want to face.

But ONLY when we're vulnerable can we experience the wholeness we seek.

Thoughts?

Zeta

THE RISK OF FEARING JUDGEMENT

A client came to me, starting a new job.

“It’s a senior role. I should be feeling confident but I’m not.”

It wasn't his dream job but he accepted it so he could stay in Dubai.

What was interesting was the sense of urgency. He had to be confident NOW to ensure he was successful in this job. Because losing this job would mean a move back to the UK. And that wasn't an option.

“People will think I’ve failed.”

And this is the crunch. When we fear judgement - from others AND ourselves - we limit ourselves to only going for what will win us the most respect, or avoid the most judgement. We become obsessed with making it work, refusing to let it go. Even if it's not right for us.

When I lost my job in 2009 in Dubai, I struggled with the same thought.

But when I chose to ACCEPT the possibility of failure and judgement and let go of my resistance to them, I stopped FEARING THEM.

Without fear, there were so many more possibilities because now EVERYTHING was possible.
I was able to see what I wanted MY LIFE to look like and took action towards that instead.
The fear of judgement will limit you.

Accepting the possibility of judgement will liberate you.

“Don’t be afraid of losing people. Be afraid of losing yourself and sight your dreams in trying to please others.”

What would you do differently if you accepted it?

Thoughts?

Zeta

"Stop trying to 'fix' yourself; you're not broken! You are perfectly imperfect and powerful beyond measure." - Steve Maraboli

This is me aged 27. I was working in recruitment. A career I didn’t enjoy and was average at.

When I looked at the successful recruiters in the office they were:

➡️ extroverted

➡️ socially confident

➡️ quick-witted

➡️ competitive

➡️ hungry

➡️ 'glass-half-full'

I developed a belief to be successful, I HAD to be these things. Without them, I'd always be mediocre.

Problem: I wasn't these things. I was introverted. Reserved. Intelligent but not quick-witted, hungry or competitive. Life experiences had taught me it was safer to be risk-averse than optimistic. To avoid disappointment.

I thought until I “fixed” these things, I'd never achieve anything great.

But what I've learnt is this:

You don't need the perfect mindset or perfect set of characteristics to achieve your goals. It is still possible to create your dreams WITH negative thoughts, WITH insecurities, WITH self-doubt, WITH YOUR personality, quirks and any personal challenges.

Steve Jobs. Elon Musk. JK Rowling. Jim Carrey.

ALL had their mental/emotional/behavioural challenges.

ALL living proof you can be perfectly imperfect and still achieve your dreams.

All it takes is being clear on your dream and going for it.

Thoughts?

Zeta

YOUR DAY IS YOURS TO ENJOY

I’m often asked if I have a mantra I live by, to maximise my happiness and .

One I've recently adopted is this: "Your Day is Yours to Enjoy".

Why?

Because it reminds me:

1) I am in charge of my daily experience of life - nobody else

2) I have a choice in how much I enjoy my day

3) I have the power to enjoy my day - regardless of what’s happening in my life

4) I can resist, accept or appreciate the things I “have" to do or “should” do or “need" to do. Resistance causes frustration, stress and demotivation. In accepting or appreciating them (because they’re helping me meet my needs; progress towards what I want; growing me in some way) the resistance/struggle ceases. Freeing my mind to focus on creating the life I want.

5) When I focus on what I already have in my life, concerns disappear. I already have everything I need. If I didn’t I wouldn’t be alive. This clears my mind of fear, creating space for inspiration and solution-finding.

Do I wake up thinking this? NO! I have to CONSCIOUSLY think it every morning.

doesn't happen to us. It comes when we consciously choose to focus on what’s good in our lives.

What are you grateful for in your life right now?

Zeta

HOW CONNECTED DO YOU FEEL?

I love venturing out on my own and as a result, have become quite the people watcher.

Like others, I notice when couples are out on “date night”, both on their phones.

When a group of friends have met for coffee but only take photos of their food or selfies.

When families are out for a meal, and the kids are on their iPads while the adults are scrolling away.

When teenagers walk home from school in a line, all looking down at their screens.

We all want love and connection. Yet it seems so many seek it via technology instead of real human connection. Why?

Because it’s easier. More convenient. Instant. Uncomplicated. It requires no effort except a long gaze and some thumb movements. We can come and go as we please.

Human connection involves pain and rejection. It requires vulnerability and courage. The desire, willingness and effort to consider other people’s feelings.

But in choosing to connect we create the very disconnection, separation, loneliness and isolation we're so desperate to avoid.

Banksy’s “Mobile Lovers” below was painted in 2014.

I’m not sure if things have stayed the same or got worse since then. I'm concerned for the generations to come.

Do you have the courage to deeply connect?

What are your thoughts?

Zeta