16/02/2022
Just posting this one again as a reminder of why conscious parenting is so important.
Surely we have to punish our kids? If we don't, they will become spoiled brats right? Wrong. This is probably one of the biggest misconceptions in parenting. Psychologists over the years haven't helped with this belief. The focus of behaviour change in the past, has been on rewards and punishments. Our whole society is built on this way of thinking. If we speed in our car and get caught, we get punished with a fine. Of course we have to have rules but does the punishment actually work? If you think about speeding, my guess is that you have driven over the speed limit before. If you see a police car, you probably put your foot on the break and slow down (even if you weren't speeding). But when the police car is out of sight your speed will go back up. If you get fined, you probably won't speed for a while, but eventually you will speed again. The need to follow that rule hasn't been internalised, you only follow the rules when the "punisher" (police) is there. The same is true with our kids, they will avoid the behaviour while you (the "punisher") is there, but if they are only stopping to avoid the punishment then they will do it when you aren't there.
