CHILD Guidance

Many of the fights we have in marriage are not because we married the wrong person.

They are because two unhealed childhoods moved into the same house.

What you call communication problems, disrespect, withdrawal, anger issues, “this person has changed,” are often collusion of childhood survival patterns.

Come closer...

You think you’re reacting to your spouse.
But your body is reacting to old danger.

When your partner raises their voice,
your nervous system remembers: Shouting? That meant punishment
Tone? That meant fear.
Correction? That came with shaming.

So you don’t just react randomly. You respond from survival:
You shut down (Flight). Emotionally checking out to escape danger.

You lash out (Fight). Defending yourself before you’re hurt.

You go silent (Freeze). Staying still so you’re not notice and don't cause issues.

You start apologizing (Fawn). Trying to keep peace so you’re not abandoned.

Not because your spouse is your enemy, but because your body thinks it’s back in childhood.

They are learned survival strategies from a time when your body had to protect you.

Your adult relationship didn’t create them.
It simply activated what was already there.

When your spouse withdraws, it may not be pride or wickedness.

It may be a child who learned silence keeps me safe, emotions are dangerous or that expressing myself leads to trouble.
So they retreat.

Not to hurt you. But to survive.
This is why one person chases and the other runs.

One learned:
“If I don’t pursue, I’ll be abandoned.”

The other learned:
“If I stay present, I’ll be overwhelmed or attacked.”

Same marriage. Different childhoods. Different survival languages.

Your mind says:
“He’s emotionally unavailable.”
“She’s too sensitive.”
“He’s controlling.”
“She’s dramatic.”

But your trauma body says:
“I don’t feel safe.”
“I don’t feel seen.”
“I don’t feel heard.”
“I don’t know how to stay present without losing myself.”

Marriage didn’t create these patterns.
Marriage exposed them.
Beca

How to Build a Child’s Confidence
Confidence isn’t about perfection — it’s about feeling secure, valued, and supported. 🌱
Here are simple ways to build it daily:
✨ Affirm their efforts, not just results
✨ Give small responsibilities
✨ Listen with full attention
✨ Encourage trying, not just winning

🌱 Raising Children for Eternity — A Sacred Trust

"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." — Proverbs 22:6

Every child is a precious gift, entrusted to us by God for a short season but destined for an eternal purpose. The home is the first school, and parents are the first teachers. The lessons we teach through our words, actions, and example will echo for generations.

Ellen G. White reminds us:

"The work of parents is not finished when they have taught their children the truth. They must be trained to obey, to respect the authority of their parents, and to honor God." — Child Guidance, p. 229

Parenting is more than providing food and clothing — it’s shaping character, planting seeds of faith, and preparing hearts for the kingdom of God. Our children will learn to love God when they see His love in us — in our patience, our prayers, and our perseverance.

Let’s commit to:
✅ Teaching with kindness and firmness.
✅ Making prayer the atmosphere of the home.
✅ Filling little hearts with songs, Scripture, and stories of faith.

Remember, the goal is not simply to raise “good” children, but to raise godly children — lights for Christ in a dark world.

💬 Reflection Question:
What is one thing you can do today to lead your child closer to God?

📖 "Bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." — Ephesians 6:4

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19. Teach Them to Be Humble

Model humility by admitting when you are wrong.

Teach them to serve others without expecting praise.

Show them how Jesus humbled Himself and served others.

20. Lead Them to Jesus

Make sure they understand the gospel and why Jesus died for them.

Encourage them to ask Jesus into their hearts.

Celebrate their spiritual milestones (baptism, understanding of salvation).

Give them space to ask questions and express doubts.

10. Teach Them to Fear the Lord

Teach that God is loving but also just.

Show examples of how obedience brings blessings and disobedience has consequences.

Help them develop a personal relationship with God so they respect Him.

11. Teach Them to Honor Their Parents

Teach them to say "thank you" and show appreciation.

Explain why respect for parents is important to God.

Model honor by respecting your own parents and elders.

12. Teach Them to Trust God

Share testimonies of times when God provided or answered prayers.

Teach them to pray when they are worried or afraid.

Show them Bible stories of people who trusted God (e.g., Abraham, David).

13. Teach Them to Serve Others

Assign them small tasks to help at home (cleaning, helping siblings).

Visit the sick, elderly, or less fortunate together.

Encourage them to share their toys and resources with others.

14. Protect Their Minds and Hearts

Monitor their TV, music, and social media.

Encourage Christian books, movies, and songs.

Teach them how to say no to negative influences.

15. Teach Them to Work Hard

Give them age-appropriate chores.

Teach them that schoolwork and responsibilities should be done for God’s glory.

Reward effort, not just success.

16. Warn Them About Bad Company

Get to know their friends and their families.

Role-play situations where they may face peer pressure.

Encourage friendships with children from church and Christian values.

17. Encourage Them to Seek Wisdom

Read Proverbs together and discuss its lessons.

When they make decisions, ask, “What do you think God would want you to do?”

Teach them to seek advice from trusted mentors and elders.

18. Help Them to Overcome Temptation

Teach them to recognize temptation and how to say no.

Help them memorize Bible verses about resisting temptation (e.g., James 4:7).

Share real-life stories of people who overcame temptation through God’s help.

19. Teach Them to Be

20 points on how to raise God fearing Children
Here are practical ways to apply each point in daily life to help raise godly children:

1. Teach Them About God’s Word

Have a daily family devotion, even if it’s just 5-10 minutes.

Create a routine of reading a Bible story before bedtime.

Use songs and memory games to help them remember Bible verses.

2. Lead by Example

Let them see you reading the Bible and praying.

Apologize when you make mistakes to show humility.

Demonstrate kindness, honesty, and patience in everyday life.

3. Discipline with Love

Set clear expectations and consequences.

Correct them calmly and explain why their actions were wrong.

Praise good behavior as much as you correct bad behavior.

4. Teach Them to Obey

Give simple instructions and reward obedience with praise.

Use positive reinforcement: “Thank you for listening the first time.”

Explain that obeying parents teaches them to obey God.

5. Pray for and with Them

Pray together in the morning, at mealtime, and before bed.

When they are scared or worried, stop and pray with them.

Keep a family prayer journal and record answered prayers.

6. Encourage Righteousness

Reward honesty and kindness with encouragement.

Share Bible stories about people who lived righteously (e.g., Daniel, Joseph).

Teach them to stand up for what is right, even when others don’t.

7. Correct Them in Love

Use a firm but loving tone when correcting.

Explain why their actions were wrong and what the Bible says.

Offer alternative behaviors (e.g., “Instead of yelling, use your words to express how you feel.”).

8. Teach Them to Love God

Worship together at home and in church.

Let them see your excitement about God and His work.

Ask them what they are thankful for and encourage gratitude toward God.

9. Be Patient with Their Growth

Don’t expect them to be perfect—correct mistakes with grace.

Celebrate small spiritual victories (e.g., remembering to pray before eating).

Give them space to ask

Effective child guidance for parents involves fostering a supportive and nurturing environment while setting clear and consistent boundaries. Start by showing unconditional love and acceptance, which helps build your child’s self-esteem and sense of security. Be a positive role model, as children learn by observing adults. Demonstrate the behaviors and attitudes you wish to see in them.

Communication is key. Listen actively to your child’s thoughts and feelings, and encourage open dialogue. This builds trust and helps children feel valued. When addressing behavior, focus on positive reinforcement rather than punishment. Praise good behavior to encourage its repetition.

Set clear rules and expectations, and be consistent in enforcing them. Children thrive on routine and understanding what is expected of them. When discipline is necessary, use it as a teaching moment. Explain why the behavior is inappropriate and discuss better alternatives.

Empower your child by allowing age-appropriate choices and responsibilities. This fosters independence and decision-making skills. Also, promote a growth mindset by encouraging effort and perseverance rather than solely focusing on outcomes.

Lastly, ensure a balanced approach to activities, including play, education, and rest. This holistic approach to child guidance helps in nurturing well-rounded, resilient, and emotionally healthy children.

found in Timothy a mind that could be molded and fashioned to become a temple for the indwelling of the Holy Spirit.... ML 34.4

The youth should place themselves under the teaching of the Holy Scriptures and weave them into their daily thoughts and practical life. Then they will possess the attributes classed as highest in the heavenly courts. They will hide themselves in God, and their lives will tell to His glory. ML 34.5

Our young ones during the cookery seminar, preparing healthily meals.