12/02/2024
Myths that blame women for sexism.
When you’re a woman who spends a lot of time talking about sexism, you start to notice that about one in ten of all the replies you receive begins with the same two words: ‘Yes, but . . .’ Whether you’ve just outlined economic disadvantage or structural
oppression, described workplace discrimination or discussed harassment at school, there will always be somebody who tries to argue that, in fact, it’s women themselves who are to blame for the problem.
This ‘yes, but’ phenomenon happens so frequently that you start to recognize the same arguments being trotted out again and again; so often, in fact, that you start to wonder if it would be useful to have the responses to them all in one convenient place . . .
Yes, but girls just aren’t that interested in science interested in science interested in science.”
Take a baby, bring it up in a world that screams at it from every angle that it should be interested in certain subjects and not in others. Then, at the age of fifteen or so, ask it what subjects it would like to study, and say that society was right all along – girls
just aren’t that interested in maths or science.
“Yes, but if a girl’s wearing a short skirt, she’s asking for it.”
The first flaw in this argument is that it implies the assumption that every man is an animal with such uncontrollable urges that he’s unable to prevent himself assaulting a woman who is wearing a particular piece of clothing. The second is that it’s not backed
up by facts. Most victims are already known to their rapists, debunking the theory that it’s a random act provoked by a piece of clothing. Support charity R**e Crisis explains: ‘People, and especially women and girls, of all ages, classes, culture, ability, sexuality, race and faith are r***d. The perceived “attractiveness” of a victim has very little to do with sexual violence. R**e is an act of violence, not sex.’ The third flaw? Women should have the right to wear whatever they want without fearing assault.
“Yes, but women go off and have babies –why should companies pay the price?” It is unfortunate that this issue still needs to be addressed, that some people still see pregnancy as a kind of vacation taken at an employer's expense. The most common
argument states that it is small businesses, in particular, that suffer the financial consequences of employees' pregnancies. However, we must not forget that women decide to have children in a couple context, and that childless couples are often criticized for contributing to low birth rates. Therefore, the fact that society, including businesses and other workplaces, complain about having to share the financial cost of pregnancies is hypocritical to say the least. If the issue is problematic for companies, it is because we do not yet have the necessary financial and organizational infrastructure to facilitate and support this process, not because women are deliberately causing them problems.
“Yes, but it’s women who buy and write the women the women’s magazines you criticize.” We bring girls into an image-obsessed world, where they’re taught from birth that their inherent value is mostly in their looks. We raise them in a society that bombards
them with images of thin, blonde, long-legged, smooth-skinned, tanned, large-breasted women, and implies that these women are ‘better’ than the 99 per cent of human females who don’t happen to look that way. Then we deride them for buying magazines
that promise to teach them how to lose weight, smooth their skin and perfect their looks. If we changed the culture — the way we treat women, and the expectations they grow up with — we might find that media supply and demand would change, too.
‘Yes, but women make different life choices’
Usually used to counter evidence of gender imbalance in top business positions, the problem with this argument is that it stops there. The point shouldn’t be that women ‘choose’ family over career, but that we still live in a society that forces them, in so many
cases, to make that choice at all — while men are able to enjoy high-flying jobs and have children without sacrificing either. Yes, women may choose to have children, but they don’t choose the structural set-up of a society in which few options (shared
parental leave, flexible working hours, childcare) are widely available enough to allow them to do so without compromising their careers.
‘Yes, but women objectify men, too’
Two wrongs don’t make a right. Because there are far fewer memorable examples of male objectification to choose from. Yes, men are objectified, too, but not to such an extent, so frequently, or to the exclusion of their other attributes — as is the case for
women. So it doesn’t have the same wide-ranging negative impact on society’s view and treatment of them.
Author: Laura Bates
Mysogination: The True Scale of Sexism
Simon & Schuster, 2018
(Adapted)
