Shadow Life Coaching

ESCAPE THE PROCRASTINATION TRAP

Why do today, what you can put off till tomorrow?

Many of us love to use this humorous twist on an old adage to explain away our procrastination tendencies.

Let’s face it, we’re all guilty of occasional procrastination. It is quite natural human behaviour.

But, for some of us, procrastination can become ‘endemic’ behaviour, to the point where it robs us of the ability to get important tasks done and move forward with life. Chronic procrastination often results from – and further feeds into – lack of self-confidence, confusion, frustration and/or anxiety.

So what can be done?

The twin motivators
Fundamental to the training we get when training to become a life coach, is an understanding of how humans are essentially motivated by two opposite forces, pleasure and pain.

Simply put, we spend our lives pursuing outcomes and situations that we believe will bring us pleasure, and avoiding those we perceive to be associated with pain.

Although the concepts of pleasure and pain may be simple to understand, the meanings, in this context, are intentionally broad.

For example, the term ‘pain’ implies anything that can cause discomfort or anguish. This can be physical in nature, but in today’s world, it increasingly refers to mental discomfort such as that we associate with ridicule, embarrassment, loss of face or status, and so on.

Easy to understand
Procrastination is easy to understand when considered in this light.

We put off doing certain tasks or taking certain actions because we perceive that they will be unpleasant, cause us stress, heighten our anxiety or show up our inability. (In other words, ‘painful’).

Instead, we busy ourselves with other activities that feel familiar, and thus comfortable and non-threatening. (In other words, ‘pleasurable’).

By procrastinating, we sidestep any possible pain and life feels good … at least temporarily.

A heavy toll
However, continuing to procrastinate takes a heavy toll on us in the longer term.

As humans, our individual, as well as collective, growth and development, are dependent on us taking on and overcoming different challenges.

By continually sidestepping challenges and retreating to the familiar and comfortable, we rob ourselves of the opportunity to grow, evolve and experience life to the full.

Blaming and justifying
Procrastinators know this intuitively. Many will devise clever strategies to help assuage their guilt about the lost opportunities, and minimise the internal pain they feel.

They may look for someone or some situation to blame or use to justify their inaction (e.g. “I just didn’t have the time,” “It was far too complex,” “They were unreasonable,” “It wasn’t a priority,” and so on, and so on.)

Beating procrastination
Beating procrastination is actually surprisingly simple but it first requires an important, conscious acceptance.

The first and most important step
It is vitally necessary to commit to taking full personal responsibility for the condition.

Procrastinators will often look to avoid this because of the initial mental ‘pain’ involved upon realising that blame and justification are no longer convenient options to call upon.

Admitting to a conscious awareness of the problem, and resolving to take responsibility for dealing with it, is the first and most important step in escaping the procrastination trap.

Inertia
The next step is to understand the simple concept of inertia and how it can be overcome.

Anyone who has studied school-level physics will appreciate that a body at rest tends to stay at rest, thanks to the property we call inertia.

If you have ever tried to slide a very heavy object, like a piano or a big, solid wooden table across a relatively smooth floor, you’ll know that the most difficult part is applying enough force just to get it moving.

That’s called breaking its inertia, or tendency to stay put. The rest of the move is much easier.

In the same way, tackling challenges that we perceive to be big, difficult or complex is often far easier and more enjoyable than we think, once we have overcome the ‘mental inertia’ that we have built up.

(As an aside, mental inertia, unlike physical inertia, has a habit of growing, the longer it is left not dealt with!)

All that is required is to take a single important action, or series of small actions, to break the inertia and set the process in motion.

Maintaining momentum
The third and final step is to prevent inertia from taking hold again by keeping the process in motion (or maintaining momentum).

This is done by following up on the initial action with further targeted actions that are required to overcome the challenge and see the task or project through to completion.

This final step is generally self-perpetuating. That’s because action brings about results and results build satisfaction and confidence, which in turn builds sufficient enthusiasm and motivation for further action and results.

An amazing transformation
The vicious cycle that is procrastination has now been transformed into a virtuous cycle of achievement, growth and fulfilment!

Maintaining the wonderful feeling that comes with getting meaningful stuff done and permanently escaping the procrastination trap, simply requires a ‘rinse and repeat’ of the steps mentioned above.

The amazing transformation from serial procrastinator, to deliberate, responsible achiever is, after all, not that difficult.

However, it is without a doubt both deeply satisfying and truly liberating!
New Insights.
Contact Matthew Campaigne-Scott if you are looking for a Personal Life Coach specialising is Personal Growth
PM me or WhatsApp me on 073 447 9031

FINDING OPPORTUNITY IN UNCERTAINTY

Ask ten people what keeps them awake at night nowadays. My bet is that the word uncertainty will feature in at least half of the responses.

Most would agree that our world has become a lot more uncertain recently. But what do we really mean by that … and is it really something we should worry about.

UNCERTAINTY AND CONFUSION IN THE EXTERNAL WORLD
Our world feels more uncertain because major events seem more frightening and more unpredictable.

Scale and technology are two factors that act to reinforce this perception.

As the global population grows and becomes more connected, we become more readily and quickly aware of – and susceptible to – events that happen around the world.

Technological advances bring many benefits to humanity but they also bring more sophisticated and destructive weaponry, biological threats and toxic emissions.

The media compete to be the first to report on breaking news. Likewise, they compete to provide the most detailed coverage.

Graphic, high-definition images and videos are beamed straight to our portable devices, often in real-time. And we all know that bad news is the preferred stock in trade of the mainstream news services.

Social media renders each and every one of us a potential reporter, analyst and broadcaster. The truth is more easily and quickly shared … but so is fake and misrepresented news.

The result of all of this is a perceived increase in bad news along with greater confusion about what to believe and what not to. Confusion sows a perception of rising unpredictability and, by association, uncertainty.

What can we do about this?

Well, we all know that technological advances will happen with ever-increasing speed. Barring a major calamity, it’s also unlikely that population growth is going to slow markedly anytime soon.

A NEW APPROACH
So we simply have to accept the external environment for what it is and the fact that we have very limited control over it.

FOCUSING INWARDS
We need to start focusing our attention inwards, where we have full control. We need to embrace an approach to life that brings the certainty of our inner power and creativity to bear in adapting to an increasingly changeable external world.

Integral to this new approach is making the commitment to start a new internal dialogue in which we approach an uncertain world through the lens of opportunity rather than the lens of our worst fears.

Everything I’ve said until now has assumed that uncertainty is, by definition, a negative concept. That’s because we have become conditioned to accept this norm.

Imagine a world in which everything was totally certain and predictable and then imagine the downsides of that. I think you will agree that uncertainty also brings many advantages.

FEAR-BASED QUESTIONS
The internal discussion that we engage in with ourselves is characterised by a series of self-questions or “what-ifs”.

Those whose lives are externally focused, or who lives believing that they are at the mercy of the unpredictable and uncertain external world, will lie awake at night thinking questions like:

“What if another deadly virus strikes?”
“What if we get swept up in a terrible war?”
“What if the economy tanks?”
“What if I lose my job?”
“What if I can’t pay the bills next month?”
“What if my partner leaves me?”

The power of the subconscious is such that it keeps looking for answers long after we have stopped consciously asking the questions. The result is that we become steadily more and more anxious and unhappy.

REDEFINING UNCERTAINTY
The trick is to focus inwardly on what we can control; our attitudes and thought processes and, at the same time, re-define how we think about uncertainty.

When we agree to let go of that over which we have little control, we relieve ourselves of an unnecessary burden. The vacuum left by the burden is then filled with our natural creative juices. We then start to appreciate the flip side of the ‘uncertainty coin’.

OPPORTUNITY BASED SELF QUESTIONS
We can then act to recast our fear-based self questions or what-ifs into opportunity-based questions, such as:

“What if I can find a way to meet people’s changing needs?”
“What if I make my own business out of doing what I love?”
“What if I invent a new way to do this?”
“What if I change my routine to something more exciting?”
“What if I sell my house and go travelling?”
“What if I take time out to discover my true purpose?”

Self questions focused on opportunity prime the subconscious to find ways to turn the what-ifs into reality. This amazing ‘perpetual machine’ goes to work this time, to make life more exciting, fulfilling and enjoyable.

SWEET DREAMS
Oh, and the quality of our sleep improves immeasurably … and everyone knows the amazing impact that can have on one’s quality of life.
NI
Consider employing the service of a life coach to take you from uncertainty to opportunity. Contact Matthew Campaigne Scott 073 447 9031

ARE YOU CHASING NET WORTH OR DELIVERING NET VALUE.

In today’s world, much is made of the concept of net worth. For many, caught up in the hype of materialism that dominates our society, net worth is the only true measure of one’s success.

However, the problem with net worth is that it is, by definition, a self-centric measure. It bears little, if any, relation to the value that one delivers to society or the world at large.

HUGE ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT
Few would argue with the view that there is huge room for improvement in our world.

The question is, how do we bring this about when so much about the way we live our lives demands a self-centric, narrow focus on building wealth – or at least enough money to pay one’s debts and obligations.

WHAT IS THE MEASURE OF WHAT GETS DONE?

As some say in project management circles: "What gets measured gets done."

This is so true, of course. But this statement alone hides the importance of the decision about what the optimum measure is that should be applied.

If we, as a society, deem that the primary measure of individual success should be the difference between one’s financial assets and liabilities, then net worth is “what gets done”. Or, at least, it becomes a prime driver of the actions and behaviours of most people.

A CHANGE THAT WOULD TRANSFORM OUR WORLD

There is a change that we could make that I believe would transform the nature of our world for the better, overnight.

That is, quite simply, to replace the concept of net worth, with what we could call ‘net value’ as our collectively agreed measure of individual success.

TAKING OUT OR GIVING BACK?

Net worth is a measure of how much one is worth after deducting what one owes from what one owns. Net value, on the other hand, is a measure of the contribution one adds to the greater good after deducting the shared resources used in that pursuit.

In simple terms, net worth is about what you or I have, whereas net value is about what you or I contribute, or give back.

A focus on net worth encourages taking as much as possible from external resources to benefit oneself. At the other end of the spectrum, a focus on net value incentivises the frugal use of external resources for maximum benefit to society or the world as a whole.

MANAGING UP AND MANAGING DOWN
To some frustration on my part, I have noticed a pattern whereby those team leaders who focused most of their efforts on ‘managing up’ would get rewarded and promoted faster and more easily than those who focused mostly on ‘managing down’.

If I lost you there for a moment, managing up and managing down are terms life coach of life coaches Bill Burridge coined to describe the primary focus of people cast in team leadership roles in a typical organisational hierarchy.

As you will appreciate, any team leader has a one-on-one relationship with the boss above but a one-on-many relationship with those in the team below.

Keeping both relationships positive is important for the effective functioning of a leadership role. However, to my mind, it is the one-on-many relationship that has by far the greatest potential to add value to the organisation.

Notwithstanding this, those team leaders driven by aspirations involving net worth as opposed to net value would pay detailed attention to cultivating the one-on-one relationship, often to the detriment of the people and team reporting in.

THE ZERO-SUM GAME
Here is an anecdote of Bill's that you'll get a lot out of.

"I would like to share another personal realisation about net value. It resulted from losing a substantial sum of money.

For a couple of years, I had a part-time share trading account which netted me some small but steady gains. Unfortunately, I got frustrated with the pace of things and signed up for some hi-tech auto trading facility that promised big, quick wins.

I’m sure you know where this is going.

To cut a long story short, I very quickly lost all the money I had built up in that account. Though not an outright personal catastrophe, it was a painful lesson and it made me do some deep introspection.

I soon came to terms with the fact that I needed to learn that lesson. I had always valued fair exchange. Simply put, as you give, so shall you receive.

It dawned on me that in my quest for a quick buck, I had contravened my own value. As I thought more about the whole concept of share trading, I came to realise that such activity offers the world zero value.

Each time someone gains on a trade, someone else realises an equivalent loss. It’s a zero-sum game. Share trading is the epitome of a pursuit driven by a focus on net worth as opposed to net value."

HOW ABOUT YOU?
After sharing these anecdotes, I’d like to invite you to consider your own career or work, and whether it is net worth or net value-focused?

In general terms, those whose careers are primarily driven by the desire to make money, are likely to be net worth driven.

High net worth may, or may not be the outcome, but the process of getting there can often be exhausting and unfulfilling and result in a strangely hollow feeling.

On the other hand, those that discover and follow their life’s purpose are contributing to the evolution of our planet and are therefore net value-driven.

Being net value-driven in no way precludes one from earning and enjoying good money. The best is that the process leaves one feeling meaningful, vibrant and fulfilled.

Did I hear someone mention ‘life coaching’?
Contact Matthew Campaigne Scott to discuss your life coaching queries at +27 73 447 9031

What is True Freedom?

What does it mean to experience true freedom?

Is freedom a birthright? Is it something that is bestowed upon you, and if so, by what authority and in what conditions?

Is it an individual or collective concept? Does it represent a state of selfishness or selflessness?

Is it a way of life? Is it a mindset? Or is it just an illusion?

A HOT TOPIC

The concept of freedom is a hot topic right now.

The global pandemic brought with it government proclamations of states of emergency and states of disaster that allowed for restrictions to individual freedoms that had never before been experienced on such a wide scale in the modern-day era.

As ordinary people start to rebuild their shattered lives many will pause to reflect on the enormous sacrifices to their personal freedoms.

IMPORTANT QUESTIONS

They will ask important questions. Like, where exactly should the line be drawn between personal freedom and the so-called greater good? Who should get to make that decision? On the basis of what criteria? Subject to what form of oversight, and by whom?

While this debate and discussion is certainly a vital one for those who cherish democratic values, it is one dimensional when it comes to any meaningful discourse about what it means to experience true freedom.

How so?

ANOTHER DIMENSION

As humans, many of us make the mistake of assuming that freedom is solely an external commodity. Depending on one’s persuasion it may be seen as something granted to us by divine ordinance, a constitution, a bill of rights or some higher authority.

Holocaust survivor and author of the classic “Man’s search for meaning”, Viktor Frankl, exposed another dimension of freedom. As he so wisely proclaimed: "Everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."

This is a powerful reminder of the fact that freedom is as much, if not more, an internal state of mind as it is a commodity that is given to us or taken away from us by other powers.

THE LIFE COACHING STAGE

Freedom, as it relates to one’s state of mind, is very much the stage on which life coaches operate.

Life coaches are trained to understand why humans have a tendency to be their own biggest critics and, to put it bluntly, their own worst enemies!

In almost all cases, that which obstructs us from making the changes we need to live the lives we desire lies within our own heads and is therefore firmly within our own ambit of control.

A VICIOUS CYCLE THAT ENTRAPS

When we are unhappy we can, internally, be self-critical and self-demeaning almost to the point of cruelty.

On the other hand, the persona that we present to the external world will, through the ego, seek to project any internal insecurities elsewhere.

By that, I mean that we are far more likely to lay the blame for inaction, indecision and insecurity on others and our unfortunate circumstances, rather than accept responsibility.

This process of subconscious self-criticism, coupled with conscious deflection of responsibility, entraps us into a vicious cycle that prevents our growth and development.

Essentially, we deprive ourselves of the freedom to live our lives to the full.

TRUE FREEDOM

True freedom – call it inner freedom if you like – comes from acknowledging our inner power, exercising self-love, making choices that resonate with our inner being and accepting full personal responsibility for the consequences of those choices.

When the need for external affirmation and validation becomes subservient to the divine power and guidance of the inner being, we experience joy, fulfilment and meaning in life.

That is true freedom!

And that, along with abundant self-confidence and unprecedented growth, is what life coaching can offer to people from all walks of life.~ New Insights.

TO LEARN MORE ABOUT LIFE COACHING OR TO CONTACT MATTHEW VISIT https://shadowlifecoaching.weebly.com/

WHY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS DON'T WORK

As much as I hate to be a killjoy, I have to warn you in advance that New Year’s resolutions seldom work. That said, I want to leave you with some uplifting news in my first post for the year, so I’m going to explain why – and share with you what does work.

THE CHANGE CYCLE
In the New Insights Life Coach Training Programme we introduce our clients to a simple model of change. We call it the ‘Change Cycle’.

Deliberate personal change always begins with a state of unhappiness with the status quo.

Whether your intent is to shed a few kilos of excess weight, get a higher paying job, start a small business, or improve your relationship with a loved one, the source of your desire for change is always rooted in a feeling of discontent with the current state of things.

The next stage in the cycle is contemplating the course of action to take.

When it comes to New Year’s resolutions this generally involves a fairly broad brush idea of what it is that you want to accomplish. Using the weight loss intention as an example, it might be that you set your sights on dropping 20 kg.

Stage three in the cycle involves taking action.

You’ll appreciate that a New Year’s resolution is normally made while you are enjoying time off from work or your usual daily routine. You have a window in which to relax, destress and get excited about how much better life could be, if you could just make a few simple changes in the new year ahead.

Refreshed and re-energised after the holiday period, you tackle your New Year’s resolution with gusto and – sticking with the weight loss example – hit the gym with a vengeance on day 1 of returning to work!

Stage four in the change cycle is the difficult part, as it involves maintaining action. This is where most New Year’s resolutions come unstuck.

Why?

THE RETURN TO 'LIFE A USUAL'
..because by now, you are right back into what I like to call ‘life as usual’. The daily routine has set in, the excitement of the holiday has worn off and the challenges of day to day life are back to suck away your precious time and energy!

Your earlier enthusiasm for going to the gym early in the morning starts to wane, as you realise there is still a proverbial mountain to climb. You’ve lost just 3kg but you’re feeling exhausted and the stress of your daily routine has caught up with you again.

This is where the fifth stage in the change cycle kicks in – regression!

Five sessions a week spent visiting the gym drops to just two as you tire of the effort and begin to remember just how much you have on your plate. Your attempts to eat a more healthy diet begin to fall prey to your tried and trusted go-to diet in times of stress – junk food and chocolate.

Most New Year’s resolutions are made in the absence of any formal support group that can help you bounce back from the regression period. As a result, the regression deepens and finally gives way to a complete return to your old ways and habits. Your honourable intention to try to lose 20kg is placed firmly on hold for another year.

THERE IS ANOTHER WAY
Fortunately, there is another way.

Whereas New Year’s resolutions are almost always destined to fail, properly conceived, executed and supported goals are almost guaranteed to work.

New Insights life coaches are specialists in helping clients set, and bring about, the change necessary to achieve personal goals that are important to them.

We use a specially designed process to ensure that a client’s goals are suitably ambitious yet achievable, very specific in terms of the nature of the goal and the timing assigned to it, and truly inspiring to the degree that the goal can be read on a daily basis and still evoke great emotion and excitement.

Clients are encouraged to study and understand the model of change so that they are fully prepared for the period of regression that will inevitably set in at some point.

Our coaches are there to support and motivate their clients to move through the regression stage and on to the heady celebration stage, once they have achieved what they set out to achieve, if not more.

A RECIPE FOR SUCCESS
Any recipe to bring about the change required to achieve anything of significance in life, must include these three key ingredients:

Crystal clear intent (or a lucid vision of your desired state);
A robust plan of action that breaks the goal down into smaller, more manageable steps or milestones; and
An unwavering commitment to take and maintain the necessary actions required to achieve those milestones, one by one.
However, on their own, the ingredients of any recipe are not enough to guarantee success. A catalyst is needed to promote a skilful blending together of the ingredients in the right proportions at the right time with the right level of care and attention.

THE LIFE COACH PERFORMS A CRITICAL ROLE
When it comes to personal change or transformation, the life coach performs this critical role. They offer the professional motivation, direction, guidance and support to help bring about the very best result for the client.

If you feel a burning desire for change and, whether you already have something close to your heart that you want to achieve, or you are still trying to nail down exactly what that is, then my message today is a simple one:

Be sure to hire yourself a great life coach!

THANK YOU!
In closing, I’d like to offer my sincere thanks for being a loyal reader of these FB posts.
May 2022 be the year that you achieve everything you set out to!

For online life coaching contact:
Matthew Campaigne Scott on +27 73 447 9031
Visit my website at: https://shadowlifecoaching.weebly.com/

POWER: USED, ABUSED AND MISUNDERSTOOD

Power. This is a word that trips easily off the tongue. It has a certain inherent strength – an aura almost – about it.

In mechanics or physics power is a simple equation where work is divided by time and the answer is measured in Watts.

But when it comes to personal power, the meaning and the interpretation and perception of that meaning becomes a whole lot more convoluted!

I felt the need to write about power today because of my belief in the devastation caused by a common misperception that exists:

People either have power or they are powerless.

“The measure of a man is what he does with power.”
– Plato

Power

Let’s explore the cause of this before dealing with the myth.

SCARCITY OF ABUNDANCE?
Ask a few people to list the words that they most commonly associate with the term ‘power’ and my guess is that ‘control’ is sure to come out at or near the top of the lists.

Mankind has too easily been fooled by the greedy and manipulative into believing that scarcity is a natural part of life when simple time out with nature provides ample testimony to the incredible natural abundance of our planet and universe.

Like a dozen hungry kids fighting over one small pizza, when we firmly believe that there is only so much of what we need to go around, we will shout, scream and, if necessary, fight for the share that we need and want.

And, with a little cunning, we can even secure enough to provide a useful buffer against becoming a ‘have-not’ in the future.


SCARCITY BREEDS FEAR AND COMPETITION
A scarcity mentality breeds fear and competition. We develop win-lose attitudes and behaviours aimed at getting an advantage over others to ensure our own survival and – preferably – promoting our welfare at their expense.


CONTROL OVER OTHERS
This is where the ability to exercise control over others comes in really handy. And there is no more effective way of controlling others than through the use of fear.

Our history as humans is littered with examples of how fear has been used in a brutally effective way to control others, put them down and render them harmless to prevent the disproportionate accumulation of riches by the few in control.


THE DIVIDE BETWEEN HAVES AND HAVE NOTS
Sadly, we are still far from reaching our ultimate evolution as a species. Even today, with all of our technological advancements, powerful elites still uphold the divide between the haves and have nots by sowing fear to exercise control.

The problem quickly becomes endemic. Have nots learn from the haves and soon forego their morals to engage in acts of force and violence that provide easy routes to regain some control and lay claim to their rightful ’shares’.

Even in supposedly ‘loving’ relationships, we see people resorting to the use of fear and force to exercise the control needed to get what they want from the other.


SUBCONSCIOUS CONDITIONING: CONTROL=POWER
The upshot of all of this is that a great many of us have been subconsciously conditioned to equate personal power with the ability to control others and thereby get ahead in what we have been led to believe is a ‘dog eat dog’ world.


POWER AND POWERLESSNESS
If we lack the physical power of strapping males, the financial muscle of the super-rich, the advantage of those in political power or the moral corruptness of the social manipulators … then we can easily and mistakenly fall into the trap of believing we are powerless.

And as Henry Ford once intimated … if you believe you are powerless then you are exactly that.

So where am I going with this?

You may not be surprised to know that I am about to bring this discussion back to promoting the merits of life coaching 🙂


INNER POWER = AUTHENTIC POWER
Real, authentic power has nothing to do with exerting control over others, the use of force or the spreading of fear; that is the stuff of the misguided and the less evolved.

Authentic power comes from within!

At New Insights we call it Inner Power. It is that firm belief that we are all equal, that we live in a naturally abundant world and that we each have the inherent strength and ability to create the reality we each want for ourselves.

Inner power stems from accessing the inner being, or what some would call the spiritual centre or source of creation that exists within each of us.

Inner power is a respectful power; an understanding that the only person we can legitimately exert control over is ourselves.

Power generated from within is genuine, timeless and indefinite whereas power exerted over others is false and unsustainable in the longer run.

Inner power never leaves us, though we often choose to ignore it in pursuing power over others.

Inner power is activated when we allow ourselves to be guided by the heart or intuition; when we look for solutions within instead of ‘out there’.

Inner power grows as our self-awareness increases and it fuels our ability to grow, evolve and contribute back to fellow humans, our planet and the universe.


LIFE COACHING AND INNER POWER
At SHADOW LIFECOACHING we see life coaching as a wonderful means to promote the connection between people and their inner power.

Through effective life coaching we can ‘empower’ people to find and start exercising their unique inner power.


A SHIFT TOWARD A LOVE MENTALITY
As more and more people appreciate the beauty of connecting with their inner power and the futility and undesirability of pursuing power over others, our world will begin to shift away …

… from the self-centred, greedy, win-lose scarcity obsessed mentality that will ultimately be our demise, to one based on abundance, mutual respect, win-win and love!

Thanks to Bill Burridge for the original text and Matthew Campaigne Scott for editing.

Contact Matthew at Shadow Life Coaching for more about life coaching. https://www.facebook.com/MatthewCampaigneScottLifecoach