24/02/2026
When you wake up and already have "no spoons" (zero energy) left, you are facing a low-spoon or no-spoon day before the day has even begun. This is a common experience for those with chronic illness, mental health conditions, or neurodivergence.
Nervous system dysregulation is highly prevalent in autistic individuals and people with chronic illnesses, often manifesting as a state of chronic sympathetic overdrive ("fight-or-flight") or, conversely, a "freeze" state (hypoarousal).
Autistic individuals commonly show higher resting heart rates, increased pupil size, and faster respiration rates compared to the general population. This represents a chronic biological "threat response," where the nervous system is often stuck on "high alert".
This is the tip of the iceberg, we really could go into the details and research on this a lot more, but the physiological side is not my wheelhouse. So this explanation is fairly simple.
Nervous system regulation is the process of shifting from a state of distress, hyperarousal, or shutdown back to a balanced, safe state.
For autistic people, like myself, our nervous systems are frequently struggling to get back to a balanced, safe state. Most autistic individuals, myself included, also have multiple co-occurring conditions. This also adds to nervous system dysregulation. Each autistic person will face their own unique co-occurring conditions. Over 75% of autistic people have two or more. For me this is type 1 diabetes, osteoarthritis and celiac disease.
Nervous system regulation is as necessary for autism as insulin is for type 1 diabetes.
A dysregulated system consumes vast amounts of energy, exacerbating fatigue. Regulation helps restore energy reserves.
When we so regularly have zero energy days, and can't predict exactly how bad each day will be beforehand, it's essential to become experts in nervous system regulation. And essential to understand how to help ourselves out of dysregulation when it happens.
When you're stuck in a collapsed state, it’s disempowering. You feel stuck and disconnected, but there’s no energy in your system to take action. It’s like you know that you need to turn on the lights, but it has suddenly become impossible to flick the switch. If this becomes a dominant response, it’s easy to internalize this chronic collapse as evidence that there is something intrinsically wrong with you.
Because the shutdown response looks passive though, it can be treated like a motivation problem. People tell themselves (or are told by others) to try harder. Just get moving. But, a collapsed nervous system doesn’t respond well to pressure. So, when forcing fails, it can get internalized. But, it’s approaching it from the wrong angle. Pressure leads to overwhelm, which can just get your system to shut down all over again, into a vicious collapse, pressure, shame, collapse cycle.
When you’re in a collapsed state, you might know that taking action will help, but actually doing so feels out of reach. It’s as Stephen Porges says, ‘it is as if the nervous system betrayed us.’ (2006, p. 34). This can naturally lead to frustration.
But, instead of thinking of shutdown as a body betrayal, what if we thought of it like tortoises who had to retreat in their shells for awhile? Deb Dana, a clinician who helped polyvagal theory, uses this analogy. In an interview, she shares a conversation in which someone asks her well, then how do you get the tortoise to come out of its shell? ‘You can’t knock on the top of the shell and say, ‘Come on out now.’ Right? You don’t shake the turtle and say it’s safe to come out.’ That’s exactly it - it would only discourage the tortoise further, until it didn’t even feel safe to poke its head out of its shell an inch.
We need to treat ourselves in shutdown with the same gentleness we would treat a tortoise hidden in its shell. Our nervous systems need patience and softness when they collapse.
Indicators of a collapsed nervous system include:
* Physical Shutdown: Extreme fatigue, feeling "frozen" or paralyzed, trembling, shaking, or in severe cases, fainting.
* Dissociation and Cognitive Fog: Feeling detached from reality, a "foggy" brain, or feeling as if you are watching yourself from outside your body.
* Emotional and Behavioral Crash: Deep hopelessness, helplessness, profound apathy, extreme irritability, or uncontrolled panic/crying.
* Total Withdrawal: Complete isolation, neglecting personal hygiene, and inability to perform basic daily tasks (eating, sleeping, working).
* Physical Symptoms: Racing heartbeat, high blood pressure, stomach issues, and intense, inexplicable pain.
As an autistic person's body becomes more and more overwhelmed, without a chance to recover, the autistic person may experience a state of chronic exhaustion, reduced tolerance to stimuli, and a decline in functional skills. When overloaded, the autistic brain may shift its remaining energy to self-soothing behaviors to manage the intense input. If this isn't enough, it triggers a total, involuntary withdrawal to protect the nervous system.
Autistic shutdowns, meltdowns, outbursts, emotional dysregulation, loss of functioning and burnout are the body's desperate attempt to protect the nervous system from complete collapse.
A complete nervous system collapse manifests as a total inability to cope with daily life, characterized by physical, mental, and emotional paralysis. It involves extreme exhaustion, severe dissociation, and a "freeze" response where the body shuts down, sometimes leading to fainting, intense trembling, and cognitive fog.
So, if we can’t just jump start our bodies back to life what are our options?
When shut down, you feel dissociated, so your nervous system needs a reminder that you can feel things with your body. It can be anything that feels enlivening without being too overwhelming:
Movement (walking, swimming, stretching, a long exhale), music with a solid beat or faster tempo, energizing scents, intense flavors (sour candies or spicy foods), or food with crunchy textures.
Putting a hand on the heart or belly (or both), and noticing the contact that your hand is making with your body. You may also notice the hand(s) rise and fall with the breath.
Noticing the contact of your feet on the floor while sitting, and then slowly inviting movement into the feet. For example, keep the heels on the floor while lifting the rest of the foot up, one at a time, in an alternating rhythm. Just lift the toes up or lift most of the foot. The subtle movement in the feet can help gently bring some mobilizing energy into the body, which is especially helpful for shutdown.
Noticing the points of contact that your body is making with the chair - under the arms (if you have arm rests), under the legs, under the seat and behind the back. As you notice these points of contact, see if the connection feels strongest in one area. If so, take some breaths while focusing on the strongest point of contact between your body and the chair. If it feels even throughout, that is fine too.
Orienting is another practice that helps signal to your nervous system that you’re safe now. Doing this when you can have your back to a wall, can feel safer. Orienting is basically a fancy way of saying intentionally look around your room or space. Allow your eyes to move slowly, and take in the full 360 space. Let your eyes take in any objects of interest, like plants, paintings, scenery outside, etc.
Connecting with someone who feels safe is one of the most powerful ways to upregulate from a collapsed nervous system. Even a short phone call, hug or cuddle (whether a human or pet), can help shift the nervous system. Hearing a safe voice connecting with us is important.
These practices may seem very simple and obvious, but they are easy to forget, especially when you’re stuck in shutdown.
What if you can feel a nervous system collapse coming, what can you do to prevent a full nervous system collapse?
The key, according to spoon theory, is to shift to "bare minimum mode," rather than pushing through, to avoid a full and complete nervous system collapse.
Here is how to manage a day that starts on empty using "bare minimum mode" instead of pushing through:
Bare Necessities: Ask yourself, "What is the absolute, non-negotiable thing that must happen today?" (e.g., feeding a pet, taking medication, a few very small tasks). Do that, and let everything else go without guilt. Often there will be more than one thing, but keep the list ultra short. Three things maximum.
Cancel and Postpone: If you cannot fulfill commitments, cancel or reschedule them early. External expectations are important, but you cannot give what isn't there. Be honest about what is or isn't possible. Sometimes simply giving yourself recovery time is enough to meet a later-in-the-day commitment. But be honest about what is possible.
Identify "Spoon" Drains: Recognize that showering, driving, or answering work emails may cost more energy than you have. Skip non-essential tasks entirely. This is probably the most important one to prioritise - don't answer emails, WhatsApp messages, don't do anything that could wait.
Radical Self-Care: If it is possible then stay in bed (or the couch). If you can, make your bed a safe space for the day. Whether you can rest completely or not, prioritise your nervous system. Even small grounding techniques can refill your emotional “spoons.” For example, deep belly breathing, weighted blanket or compression clothing, gentle rocking, humming, EFT tapping or laying flat in a dark room with noise-canceling headphones.
Hydrate and Nourish Instantly: Nourish yourself with water and easy-to-eat snacks (e.g., protein bars, fruit, nuts, cheese, leftovers or something extremely easy like toast). Focus on hydration, electrolytes and nutritious food. But remember, any food is better than no food. If you don't have any nutritious food, still make sure you eat what you can because your physiology is in recovery and needs energy.
Let Go of Guilt: Remember that not having energy is not laziness—it is a physiological limit, akin to trying to drive a car with an empty fuel tank.
Accept the Day's Pace: You do not have to be productive to have worth. Sometimes the "achievement" of the day is simply resting to recover or doing the bare minimum.
What to do if you cannot completely stop: If you absolutely must do something, break the task into tiny, manageable steps and rest in between each one. For example, instead of cleaning the kitchen, just wash one cup.
It's important to remember that the shutdown response is our last ditch survival attempt, and it exists to help keep us alive at times when fighting back or running away aren't options. It might not always feel like it, but it’s an ingenious protective part. It’s also not all of you, even if the shutdown feels all consuming at times. While you can’t always prevent a hypoarousal state, you can learn to relate to it differently, and develop agency in how you respond to it.
Recovery time is necessary, especially if your body asks more of you than it does of others (chronic illness, mental health conditions, or neurodivergence). Honor what's possible, it enables you to get further and do more than if you push yourself too hard and crash.
🧐 Lynda Wright is an autistic nervous system coach in Plumstead, Cape Town.
People who wake up on empty (zero energy) need very particular coaching. That's Lynda's speciality through a nervous system and Christian lens. She works directly with families, often in sessions with two members of the family at a time.
Clients say:
"Lynda's insight has really helped me to understand my husband & daughter, who are Autistic, & their daily challenges. She has been a really wonderful support to my husband & I, both individually & as a couple, & also helped us navigate our family dynamics"
"You helped me to look at my life with love & to realize that I do have choices."
"Working with Lynda has helped me to set better boundaries in my relationships. This has considerably improved my mental health."
"Lynda guides with love & patience so I can see things with clarity.”
Booking information:
Book with Lynda via WhatsApp (button below). She is only available for these time slots,
11am-12.30pm
13pm-2pm
3pm-4pm
5pm-6pm
Monday to Friday.
🌻 Sessions are either in Plumstead or via WhatsApp video call, and cost R390.
Sources: Kirsten Noack, Holly Hill Hospital, Dr. Ritika Sinha, Debasish Konger, Dr. Bethany Juby, Jennifer Huizen, HealthDirect.gov.au, Dr. Smitha Bhandari, WebMD, Newport Institute, J. Adolesc, Dr. Julie Dodson, Alter Behavioral Health.
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