Everything in Hindsight

One of the great inspirations of Everything in Hindsight…..

STOP, LOOK, LISTEN AND ALLOW YOUR MIND AND SOUL TO FEEL……………

I’ve moved through life never noticing much about the wondrous world around me, not to say that I’m non-observant because in fact quite the contrary is true, but I have never been one to chase beautiful sunsets or notice an array of colours as flowers bloom across the open fields.

If you asked why before recent times, I suppose my answer would be why should I? I’m too busy to sit and watch the sun, it will be back tomorrow anyway. It goes even further than that in that I found no joy or awe in such things and was more drawn to beautiful homes and sports cars.

This keeps reminding me of the saying that beauty is in the eye of the beholder…… what’s funny is when we were young, we used it as excuses for our friends that dated girls not generally perceived by the world as being attractive or that bought material things that we believed lacked taste and that was by the standards of society less desirable.

The biggest problem with this is that we had no consideration for whom the beholder was, why certain decisions had been made, and the judgement was that of the natural man perverted by social media and other distractions of this world.

Now don’t get me wrong, I have a fe**sh for beautiful cars and watches and have been blessed to have owned many sports cars and fine pieces. Its only when my world began to fall apart during the COVID pandemic did I begin to understand what little worth these objects actually hold but still having built my life while placing such value on these things, losing them seemed to make me worry about them more, in fact so much so that it drove me into great depression and anxiety which caused me to fall back on old addictions like ma*****na, alcohol and a lifestyle far different from the one I preached.

When I looked again, I was so far down this rabbit hole that I was on the brink of divorce, what money I had access to I would have to repay the bank and all the friends I had, had become a small group of 2 or 3 that were there to just be mates.

When I hit rock bottom, being the time, I realised that I was about to lose my wife and kids, did things start to come into perspective and as I battled rehab, I learnt to recognise that I did in fact have feelings outside what society had told me to feel and that I needed to recognise these feelings and deal with them.

As I began to discover what it really meant to feel, I realised how much I had missed out on my whole life……… it's so absurd how this journey of discovery began, because it all began with me standing up saying “Hi, I am Ashley Youngman, a drug addict, and today I feel fine.” To which the counsellor responded, “fine is not a feeling, how are you feeling?”

To be honest I had no answer, I truly didn’t know despite the fact that I had thoughts and feelings cursing through my mind and heart……… but because I had not ever stopped to learn to feel, I didn’t know what all the commotion inside me was. And so my journey of discovery began, I am still very far from having a decent emotional quotient (Emotional intelligence level) but every day I try to feel a little more.

I have to often consider the question Alma posed in Alma 5 verse 14, “And now behold, I ask of you, my brethren of the church, have ye spiritually been born of God? Have ye received his image in your countenances? Have ye experienced this mighty change in your hearts?”

These days sunsets and sunrises take my breath away, often making me stop wherever I am just to take a quick snapshot on my phone, but I believe, in fact I pray, that this is just a metaphor for my life in general in that I want to try to feel true joy while spending time with friends and family during wholesome activities, that I love with a heart that has no fear of judgement or regret and that in the tough times the comfort that I seek and feel is that of the Holy Ghost.

In 1 Samuel 9 verse 27 we read,”And as they were going down to the end of the city, Samuel said to Saul, Bid the servant pass on before us, (and he passed on), but stand thou still a while, that I may shew thee the word of God”. We can liken the word of God to seeing his hand in every facet of our existence, from the beautiful sunsets to the tender moments we spend with our children to the moments we get on our knees and call his name…… the arm of the Lord is omnipresent in our lives, we just need to recognise it.

For too long I lived by a self-contrived principle that went something along the lines of that if we never love anything too much then it won't be very difficult to lose it or let it go………. Not saying that I seek grim and despair but quite the contrary, that I want to know grim and despair so that I may recognise joy and hope!

I testify that the Lord allows us to know bad so that we may recognise good, because if Adam didn’t fall then we may never be!
I testify that if we seek him at these times with a broken heart and a contrite spirit, that he will send the Holy Ghost to comfort you and give you strength!

Furthermore, I testify of these things, in the name of he that suffered and bled from every pore because he felt and recognised the pain caused by the sins of the world, even Jesus the Christ, AMEN!

Please may I ask that everyone likes and follows my page and YouTube channel where the source of my writing is explained and taught! Thank you all in advance!

Brothers and Sisters, with the new curriculum on the New Testament as set by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, i plea with you to begin your studies and come to know the character of Christ.

This video is a beautiful, short depiction of what will be covered this year in the New Testament.

Finding Faith in Christ http://www.mormonchannel.org/filmsThomas, who had doubted, saw the power, majesty, and love of Jesus Christ. Faith in Christ will help people to face their c...

A doctrine is an eternal, unchanging truth.

President Boyd K. Packer declared that “true doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior”.

Let us search the New Testament in 2023 for doctrine so that we may build our own testimonies of Christ our Lord.

BROKEN LITTLE PIECES - Author Unknown

It’s ok to fall to pieces....... Its ok to not know how to put it all together...... but its not ok to lay down, forget those who love and rely on you and simply give up.

I really hate the colloquial saying of, “its not about falling down, but how you get back up that counts”, although it does ring true and does make sense but who measures what getting back up is? Who says I’m back up and on my feet? What if there is no way back up?

As someone that suffers from depression and anxiety I have fallen into dark spaces where I think it is easier to crawl up and die. I don’t mean this in the proverbial sense, but I truly have considered su***de and even thought out how I would do it.

I have considered driving my car off a bridge or into a wall at a high speed but then what if I don’t die and just become someone’s burden?

I have thought of shooting myself, but worried that my life insurance wouldn’t pay if I committed su***de.

I have even thought of trying to get someone to do it for me and what would be the quickest and easiest way so the pain I suffer is short and death comes quickly.........

But I’m still here alive and kicking because the Lord always intervenes and reminds me of the small joys I get to experience on a daily basis, from the smiles of my beautiful children, to the loving embrace of my wife...... I’m still here because, although internally I fight its truthfulness and justify ignoring it, I know that my wife and children would want me around, no matter what the circumstances may be.

The Lord always knows exactly what sign to give, but we only see and hear it if we open our spiritual eyes and ears.

Recently I travelled to Johannesburg and spent two nights away from home, needless to say that I felt like I was about to breakdown and cry at any moment that I wasn’t in my comfort zone at home. I was embarrassed at who I was, what had become of my life and how weak I felt.

The journey home was quiet, and I spent most of it in my head contemplating how it has all gone so wrong, how terribly I had failed my wife and family and how there seemed to be no escape for this situation because it felt like everything at this moment was going against me......... it felt like if it wasn’t for bad luck, I would have no luck at all.

My burdens had become so heavy that I didn’t see my worth, my God or a journey any further beyond the near future.

I landed back home and as I arrived home, I had my kids playing outside, and when they saw me, they kissed me, hugged me, and told me how much they loved and missed me. My wife said that she doesn’t understand why, that despite me having travelled often and at times for much longer, they seemed to long for me and miss me immensely this time.

Although this moment was brief, it felt as if time stood still, time allowed me to savour the love and comfort I felt at that moment. The hugs and smiles and calls of “DAD!” filled my soul with joy and allowed me to catch a brief glimpse of who I am and that gave me the courage to press on.

In the book of Mark chapter 10 we learn:
13 And they brought young children to him, that he should touch them: and his disciples rebuked those that brought them.
14 But when Jesus saw it, he was much displeased, and said unto them, Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God.
15 Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child, he shall not enter therein.
16 And he took them up in his arms, put his hands upon them, and blessed them.

I didn’t know why all this had happened but when I sat down to put my experience on paper, the Lord made it very clear to me that children are innocent and pure, and because of this they are able to sense and feel far beyond what we as adults feel.

They may not have known what was going on in my head or why I felt how I did but their spirits were sensitive enough to know that I needed their extra love and attention.............

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland has taught: “As children of God, we should not demean or vilify ourselves, as if beating up on ourselves is somehow going to make us the person God wants us to become.
“My brothers and sisters, except for Jesus, there have been no flawless performances on this earthly journey we are pursuing, so while in mortality let’s strive for steady improvement without obsessing over what behavioural scientists call ‘toxic perfectionism.’ In other words, keep at it. Keep involving God in your journey. If you do, you’re bound to find a new and improved you down the road. Your main job is to keep your feet moving so that He can guide your steps accordingly.”

So, YES, its ok to fall apart and not know how to put back every piece.......... its even ok to lose a piece...... but at this time I can testify that Heavenly Father is mindful of us and that he is present all the time, we just need to be humble and meek enough to recognise his work!

I testify of these things, in the name of he that suffered and blessed the children and is the saviour of all, even Jesus the Christ, AMEN!

The hardest times to sacrifice time or anything we value is when we ourselves have none!

It’s then that we as people are required to give!

Sacrifice is not just an action, it’s an expression of love!

“If a testimony is knowing something is true by the witness of the Spirit, then true conversion is consistently being true to what you know” - David A Bednar, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints

Was blessed with a gift by a loved one, a book called Finding Yourself in The New Testament by Al Fox Carraway…. Amazing read and can’t put it down.

The insight is well researched but it is easy reading which allows one to learn but also enjoy.

Al Carraway is also known as the tattooed Mormon and her struggles and perspective makes one able to relate to her writing on so many levels!

Great book, get it on Amazon or I’m sure you could pick it up Deseret Book!

As we move towards Christmas this talk offers great insight into the character of Jesus Christ whose life and times our YouTube channel will explore in 2023.

Character of Christ David Bednar FULL VIDEO mtc version here is the full video of his talk givin at the MTC (Missionary Training Center) in Provo Utah on Christmas 12/25/2011.I dont own the rights to this video this.

A message from the prophet....

The Light of Jesus Christ: A Christmas Message from President Russell M. Nelson | #LightTheWorld

Good day everyone,

I am starting a YouTube channel and would love your support!

Follow this link below to see what it's all about and subscribe.

My first video will be published next week as an introduction to the channel and setting out the plan to study the New Testament next year....

Everything in hindsight…… - YouTube This is a channel where we will look at the past week's Come Follow Me lesson as set out in the curriculum of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints...