03/01/2023
STOP, LOOK, LISTEN AND ALLOW YOUR MIND AND SOUL TO FEEL……………
I’ve moved through life never noticing much about the wondrous world around me, not to say that I’m non-observant because in fact quite the contrary is true, but I have never been one to chase beautiful sunsets or notice an array of colours as flowers bloom across the open fields.
If you asked why before recent times, I suppose my answer would be why should I? I’m too busy to sit and watch the sun, it will be back tomorrow anyway. It goes even further than that in that I found no joy or awe in such things and was more drawn to beautiful homes and sports cars.
This keeps reminding me of the saying that beauty is in the eye of the beholder…… what’s funny is when we were young, we used it as excuses for our friends that dated girls not generally perceived by the world as being attractive or that bought material things that we believed lacked taste and that was by the standards of society less desirable.
The biggest problem with this is that we had no consideration for whom the beholder was, why certain decisions had been made, and the judgement was that of the natural man perverted by social media and other distractions of this world.
Now don’t get me wrong, I have a fe**sh for beautiful cars and watches and have been blessed to have owned many sports cars and fine pieces. Its only when my world began to fall apart during the COVID pandemic did I begin to understand what little worth these objects actually hold but still having built my life while placing such value on these things, losing them seemed to make me worry about them more, in fact so much so that it drove me into great depression and anxiety which caused me to fall back on old addictions like ma*****na, alcohol and a lifestyle far different from the one I preached.
When I looked again, I was so far down this rabbit hole that I was on the brink of divorce, what money I had access to I would have to repay the bank and all the friends I had, had become a small group of 2 or 3 that were there to just be mates.
When I hit rock bottom, being the time, I realised that I was about to lose my wife and kids, did things start to come into perspective and as I battled rehab, I learnt to recognise that I did in fact have feelings outside what society had told me to feel and that I needed to recognise these feelings and deal with them.
As I began to discover what it really meant to feel, I realised how much I had missed out on my whole life……… it's so absurd how this journey of discovery began, because it all began with me standing up saying “Hi, I am Ashley Youngman, a drug addict, and today I feel fine.” To which the counsellor responded, “fine is not a feeling, how are you feeling?”
To be honest I had no answer, I truly didn’t know despite the fact that I had thoughts and feelings cursing through my mind and heart……… but because I had not ever stopped to learn to feel, I didn’t know what all the commotion inside me was. And so my journey of discovery began, I am still very far from having a decent emotional quotient (Emotional intelligence level) but every day I try to feel a little more.
I have to often consider the question Alma posed in Alma 5 verse 14, “And now behold, I ask of you, my brethren of the church, have ye spiritually been born of God? Have ye received his image in your countenances? Have ye experienced this mighty change in your hearts?”
These days sunsets and sunrises take my breath away, often making me stop wherever I am just to take a quick snapshot on my phone, but I believe, in fact I pray, that this is just a metaphor for my life in general in that I want to try to feel true joy while spending time with friends and family during wholesome activities, that I love with a heart that has no fear of judgement or regret and that in the tough times the comfort that I seek and feel is that of the Holy Ghost.
In 1 Samuel 9 verse 27 we read,”And as they were going down to the end of the city, Samuel said to Saul, Bid the servant pass on before us, (and he passed on), but stand thou still a while, that I may shew thee the word of God”. We can liken the word of God to seeing his hand in every facet of our existence, from the beautiful sunsets to the tender moments we spend with our children to the moments we get on our knees and call his name…… the arm of the Lord is omnipresent in our lives, we just need to recognise it.
For too long I lived by a self-contrived principle that went something along the lines of that if we never love anything too much then it won't be very difficult to lose it or let it go………. Not saying that I seek grim and despair but quite the contrary, that I want to know grim and despair so that I may recognise joy and hope!
I testify that the Lord allows us to know bad so that we may recognise good, because if Adam didn’t fall then we may never be!
I testify that if we seek him at these times with a broken heart and a contrite spirit, that he will send the Holy Ghost to comfort you and give you strength!
Furthermore, I testify of these things, in the name of he that suffered and bled from every pore because he felt and recognised the pain caused by the sins of the world, even Jesus the Christ, AMEN!
Please may I ask that everyone likes and follows my page and YouTube channel where the source of my writing is explained and taught! Thank you all in advance!
