Canadian Institute for Strategy and Leadership Studies - CISL

Right and Wrong

There is a spot in front of the Alumni Building at the University of Ibadan. Some concrete chairs opposite each other surrounded by manicured rows of flowers. It was out in the open but secret at the same time.
It was my favourite place to be when I needed to pray.
It was 1993 and I was there at about 6pm. I was alone as usual and was sited praying.
Five minutes later a guy with a backpack about my age showed up and sat right in front of me.
I raised my voice in prayer to signal to him what was going on but he wasn’t bothered.

I stole a look with one eye opened, both my hands spread out over my face like a fan as he unzipped his bag and brought out a big wrap of w**d.
This can’t be happening! I got here first. This is a public space and Ma*****na was and is still illegal in Nigeria. This is a jail able offence!
This is wrong. Totally unacceptable!

These were thoughts under my breath as I continued to pray.
Then he fired a plume of smoke into the space between us.
I sent him a loud prayer to remind him of his delinquent behaviour.
These went on like a rhythm. He puffs the smoke, I say a loud prayer. It was a battle for the space between us. A space now occupied by smoky prayers.

I was looking at him hoping he would walk away but he just continued to puff away.
This is war and am not losing it.
I soldiered on and he didn’t care
With his wrap almost finished I noticed I was sweating. I felt thirsty, lightheaded and restless.
His roll of joint was almost finished and he would soon leave.
As he finished his joint and I was thankful under my breath. Winners never quit. Am a warrior.
He picked his bag up to leave or so it seemed until he brought out another roll of cannabis and lit it up.
My heart sank. At this point my heart was beating so fast I felt like passing out.
Is this how I will die? I asked my self and the “idiot” responsible was so relaxed, he looked like he was enjoying himself.
I pretended to pray-walk away from him as i took my leave hoping to make it to my bed 1km away in one piece.

As I laid in my bed with a headache I couldn’t believe i just smoked a big wrap of w**d. Worse still, I smoked it praying.
My heart was beating very fast, my head was dizzy and I slept off.

I was right.
He was wrong.
I paid for my right and it wasn’t worth it.
My right was wrong.
Being right is not always right.
Many times when we are right, it may be better to be wrong to save the day.

Imagine delivering a harsh truth to someone who is emotionally vulnerable. That will be wrong.
Correcting another person’s mistake in public might come across as condescending and may humiliate others. That is wrong
When you score a point in an argument, let it go. Being overly pedantic to prove your point presenting proof after proof that you are right makes you wrong.
If you are married and want to stay married you cannot insist on being right all the time. Sometimes compromising or apologizing even when you are right may be the best thing for the health of your relationship.
Yes, you are right but being right is not always enough. You must ensure you balance it with empathy.

The world is not as we think it is. It is as we are.

The Two Mammary Glands

11pm February 1994, I was at the Anatomy Reading Room at the University of Ibadan. Just finished some reading. I was going to Kuti hall to eat, change my books and return for an all night reading session.
2 female medical students friends of mine had asked me for a lift in my car to Queen Elizabeth Hall and back. I agreed
We didn’t have cell phones then so the plan was for me to drop them and pick them up where I dropped them off at 12 midnight.
At 12 midnight I pulled up to the front of the Queen Elizabeth Hall behind about 10 cars. The girls were no where to be found and I was very upset.
I was busy in my head with thoughts debating whether to leave them behind or stay?
Then I heard a tap on the front passenger window. I rolled the window down and a girl dressed in a loose blouse bent over to stick her head half way between the window space I just created. “ Are you going to the party? Can I join you?”
I looked at her dumbfounded. I don’t think she realized that, when she bent over, her two mammary glands had leaked out of the shimmy like top she was wearing and were looking at me eyeball to eyeball .
“Get out of here you daughter of Eve I yelled!” That’s a lie, I didn’t say that. Instead, I looked back at them confused. She asked again.
Finally, I regained consciousness, shook my head sideways and she hurried away to the car in front of me with a final “this guy is a low lifer”
Apparently, I was the last car in a party convoy and the dress code was “night gown” which explained my experience.
In Nigerian parlance, “ I weak”.
I reclined the driver’s seat backwards trying to process the flood of emotions in my head.
I was first shocked, then sad, then angry, then very depressed.
People my age, in my space were having so much free time and there I was eager to hit the reading room on a Friday night. It looked like my life had no purpose.
To add salt to the injury, this girl called me a “low lifer”. Maybe I am a low lifer, she is right, i thought. I was depressed.
Then, my fellow “ low lifer” friends knocked on the same door window. Darams! Darams! They yelled. Sorry we are late!
I open the door for them and pulled my reclined chair up.
“You look like you have been shot” one of them said. The nicer one said “you look sad”.
I started the car, engaged the reverse gear, pulled away from the convoy and said “I saw two breasts tonight…”, one interrupted me with “ it depends, a person can have 4 breasts, the extra mammary glands “, the other said, “yes that’s a congenital abnormality bla bla bla…”, they were trying to outdo each other on breast anatomy.
I started laughing, I was back with my crowd, all within a few minutes my depression was gone just like that. I had found purpose again by being in the right crowd.

The importance of group dynamics cannot be overstated.
Actively LOOK OUT FOR and be in SUPPORTIVE ENVIRONMENTS. If you find yourself in a group, online or physically that makes you feel sad or uncomfortable GET OUT.

It is important to distance yourself from situations or people that consistently make you feel sad.

You should spend time with groups or individuals who make you feel comfortable, understood, and valued. Be kind to yourself and do not blame yourself for how other people feel.

Lastly, before you conclude your life is miserable you should check if your car is in the right convoy. Maybe you are parked in a convoy of cars going somewhere else. You may even be in the same car with the wrong person. I understand that you may share some history or space with them but they have a different purpose and are headed in a different direction now so do the right thing. Respect yourself and GET OUT!

Unlocking Success in Old Age: The Power of Strategic Time Investment

Many years ago in a hot afternoon class at the university of Ibadan, one of my Anatomy teachers, a neurosurgeon, held a human skull in one hand, pointing at holes, grooves and bone parts, he was telling us their names and functions. FYI. Head and Neck is the most difficult anything you would study in preclinical medical school.
We stared at him intensely like a god and him sensing our adoration, paused, dropped the human skull on the table and said “ listen guys, am not better than you all, I just happened to have learned these before you . “All I have is the advantage of time”.
Dr Malomo now a professor of neurosurgery likes to wax philosophical, partly because he is also a clergyman.
Last year, I saw a post from one of us (his students) Dr Andrew Alalade. A neurosurgeon, highly regarded, who had contributed to the prestigious Oxford’s Medical textbook on Neurosurgery and performs surgeries with technology our now old teacher can only imagine.
Dr Malomo has now lost that advantage of time.
The advantage of time is barely an advantage. Rather it’s an opportunity. It’s a currency for investment. You can spend it to oppress, waste it or invest it.
Especially of the young ones, be afraid. They won’t forget.
I look at powerful people that I knew when I was growing up many now tired and old without political clout or financial muscle like they used to have.
Too late now to change the hand of the clock if they did not invest their advantage of time when they had it.
Many my age group are now in the peak of their careers. We wield power, wealth and influence like never before.
I experienced first hand how some of us flew thousands of miles to celebrate an old teachers 70th birthday and same students shunned the news of the death of another.
Right now many of us hold that advantage.
Soon others will.
Invest your advantage.

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