Anjalirajw

I know I’ve been MIA for a while. Loads happening in the realm of infertility and I’m taking some time to focus on myself. I will be back soon and share the story with you.

In the meantime, in June I’m fundraising for

Tommys is a pregnancy and baby charity that supports couples through loss. The research conducted by them into recurrent miscarriages saves babies every single day.

If you have a few pounds to spare, please click on the link to donate to this wonderful charity!

https://tinyurl.com/4r284ub8

I'm joining the Cancer Research UK 100 miles challenge to support essential research for cancer.
View my donation page here: https://fundraise.cancerresearchuk.org/page/anjaliwestwood

The feeling of pride...

Pride has a confusing place in many societies. It's considered an emotion that you shouldn't have. It's considered bad. Growing up I was always told by the people around me that pride the opposite of humility. If someone else is proud of you, thats good but you shouldn't have pride.

That of course then manifested in a variety of ways as I grew up, entered the workforce, relationships etc. Every time I did something good that I was proud of, I would hesitate to talk about it or tell people about it because the voice in my head said pride is the opposite of humility. an interesting example was when I got selected to speak for TEDx, I told my husband I was shortlisted, not selected.

It's taken a lot of unlearning for me to acknowledge and be ok with the feeling of pride. Pride is not the same as arrogance. Why shouldn't anyone be proud of something they have achieved? Why shouldn't someone feel good about something they did? That feeling can do wonders for someone's self confidence, self esteem and happiness!

I've been knitting for around 3 years now. Have picked it up and stopped many times along the way. This shawl that I knitted was the most complex one I have done till date. It took me months to do it. When I finished, it gave me such a big sense of pride in myself. I was beaming for days! It's more than just the finished product. It was the process. Many times during the journey I was stuck, I had to re-do rows, I didnt have enough yarn at the moment, probably sounds like silly problems to you but beginner knitters would know that it feels massive at the point. It's also a great metaphor for resilience in dealing with bigger life issues. Main point being, I was unashamedly proud of myself on that day. I went out wearing it, took it to the yarn shop where I got my yarn from and told everyone there I made it.

Today I'm sharing something that gave me a feeling of pride and I would be grateful if you take 2 minutes to share something that made you feel proud too. And it must be something about yourself. Not your partner, not your kids or your parents. The focus is on you ❤️

Lots of posts about 'Blue Monday' today. Did I wake up feeling 'blue'? I don't exactly know if that particular reference works for me.

Firstly, blue is one of my favourite colours. Second, I do quite like the blue's genre of music. Third, I personally dont think a particular day in a year can automatically feel low.

As I'm still off from my day job(s) to recover, not working on a Monday does feel strange to me. Not going through my tasks for the week does feel strange. If I'm being entirely honest, taking the week off is bringing to surface my imposter syndrome. I'm sitting and posting on social media. Should I be working? Coincidentally, thats when I tore off my daily affirmation block and the affirmation couldnt be any more perfect than what I needed for today!

I have to constantly fact check myself. Can I sit at a desk and work? No. Does the surgeon think I should go back to work now? No.

Why am I then feeling like an imposter? It's because for many years I was conditioned to think that rest equals laziness. How many of you feel guilty if you rest? How many of you find it physically difficult to rest and be in the moment?

I've been on this journey for a few years and let me tell you, it's not linear. I start getting comfortable with resting and then something like this happens where the old habits and thoughts sneak back in. It is a hard process but trust me, its worth it.

I'm now heading back to my warm cup of coffee, knitting and some old Hindi music. Have a lovely day xx

Gardening is my escape and I always wait for mid-January to start the prep for spring. As our new house has astroturf, its been a slow journey of slowly ripping it out and put beds in. We love roses and if you are a gardener, you know that roses are best moved in winter before the new buds come in.

I’m always as hands on as I can get with gardening. I never can sit on the sidelines. Unfortunately today, I had to. Its too early for me in my recovery to be doing any lifting or ground level work. I sat on a chair or stood around the garden beds and supervised the entire build of the bed with quite a bit of restlessness.

It wasn’t easy. I just wanted to get up and get my hands into the soil. Being restricted doesnt sit well with me. It was frustrating. However, once I got over the initial restlessness, I started enjoying the process. I was having fun barking orders to get it done the way I wanted it to be, I was enjoying being outdoors in the fresh weather and we just had a lot of fun.

Now that the plants and bulbs are in, there is hope for a colourful spring and summer. I am waiting for next month to start my seed sowing for this year’s fruit and vegetable garden!

What is your ritual this time of the year?

Another year around the sun!

Those of you who know me well know that I absolutely love birthdays. It is the most special day for me in the entire year.

This year it's quite different as I'm still in recovery from surgery. It still wasn't going to keep me from celebrating. My awesome husband has made sure that I still have a special day. From special breakfast in bed with my birthday presents, to helping me dress up and put some makeup on, my spirits have lifted 🥰 Small things make such a big difference!

As you can see in the further pictures, I'm back to the sofa, resting and recovering with my knitting and birthday lego but in a pretty dress ❤️

Rest does wonders for creativity. I am using this time to get my creative juices flowing to decide where I want to take my coaching practice this year. I'm ready for big changes.

What would you like to see from this page and my coaching practice?

In the spring of 2020 I submitted my PhD Thesis on Infertility and mental health after 4 years of researching experiences of women going through the process of diagnosis, prognosis and treatments.

As I went through the process of reviewing existing literature, reading emotional narratives and interviewing women, it put me in quite a dark place. Infertility feels like a strong term till you are sitting across from someone and truly listening to first hand experience, and then it really hits you. It is beyond medicine. It affects every aspect of someone's life and self.

While it kickstarted a fire to do work that supported women going through fertility related trauma, I had to put in place a lot of self care and boundaries to detach myself from my research while always knowing at the back of my mind that it could be me someday.

2.5 years after my PhD, in 2022, my husband and I found ourselves going through pregnancy loss and in 2024, I found myself in the chain of fertility diagnosis, now looking at prognosis after my surgery last week. Over the last few years I've had people ask me how it feels to be on the "other side of the table".

It is an emotional rollercoaster of wanting answers. The part of me that submitted this thesis in 2020 knows that we aren't alone in this and that there are supportive communities for us. Knowing the science has been very helpful. I understand a lot more of the conversations and am comfortable speaking about it (hence this post!). We're focusing on our emotional health as a priority and questioning anything that comes across as "should do". Holding space and being particular about the bubble of support we build around us has been a saving grace. In short, is it easier? No. Are we better equipped? Yes.

What happens next? No idea! For now, rest, recovery, and enjoying the life we have. The plan for 2025 is to give more time towards things we love, gardening, travel, hobbies and step away from the hamster wheel of what next. 🥰

Vision board 2025

Do you do vision boards? I used to do these quite often but I haven’t for the last 2 years.

This year I felt like I wanted to make one. The push came from inside. I was reflecting on what my priorities are for the coming year and the instant idea was a vision board.

As a teenager, I used to cut pieces from magazines and newspapers, I chose the digital option this time. I wanted to have this easily visible to me everyday and it’s now my desktop wallpaper.

It wasn’t difficult to decide what needed to be on the board. That barely took time. Finding images that spoke to me was the most time consuming part of this process!

As is evident, my vision for this year is to do more of things I love in the pace that is good for the soul. My core focus is on nurturing home and family, and improve my health. The things that give me joy that I want to spend even more time on are gardening, knitting, dance, yoga, and travel.

What is your vision for 2025?

If you’re struggling with the vast amount of content on achievements of 2024, goals, and excessive push towards positive mindset, here is a note to say that you don’t have to buy in to that if you don’t want to. Take a breath and let it pass ❤️ Full disclosure, thats what I am doing.

I am excited to present ALEXANDRIA: The Student Copilot in Leeds tomorrow. This innovative tool, developed with Publicis Groupe, will be featured at the Association of MBAs and Business Graduates Association Capacity Building Workshop in Leeds, UK.



Image courtesy: BGA