20/08/2021
WHY DO WE TEACH SELF-DEFENSE AND SELF-PROTECTION?
I recently met with my friend and business mentor. We brainstormed as to how to improve our Self Defense / Self Protection program. We recognized that we needed to tie self-defense classes with domestic violence work. As military veterans and coaches, we are BIG on safety. Our long discussion was about the fundamental nature of teaching women self-defense in response to domestic violence.
Generally, most Self Defense / Self Protection classes center around the bad guy jumping out of the bushes. Stranger sexual assault does happen, but according to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, in eight out of 10 cases of r**e, the victim knew the person who sexually assaulted them. The existence of a “relationship” could make the utilization of self-defense more complicated and confusing, which was never acknowledged.
We certainly believe that every instructor of this course genuinely desires to help women to be safe. But, when the idea of Self-Defense / Self Protection classes is framed as “reducing the number of assaults,” it can be seen that it is a woman’s responsibility to fight off an assailant and defend herself, which is unintentionally victim-blaming. Assaults happen because of assaulters. We will reduce the number of assaults when we hold offenders accountable and make it truly shameful to use violence against another.
It needs to be said that even if a woman utilizes Self-Defense / Self Protection, does not use a technique correctly, or doesn’t use self-defense at all, an assault is still not her fault. That is victim shaming. Abuse is ALWAYS the fault of the perpetrator. We will teach you how to recognize and ascertain which course of action to use.
Self-defense classes are structured around the trauma response of “fight,” but unfortunately, we do not always get to choose how our brain will respond during an assault. Fight, flight, AND freeze are all-natural and normal responses to a traumatic event. And sometimes freezing and flight-ing are the safest ways for someone to survive violence. Again, We will teach you how to recognize and ascertain which course of action to use.
Another topic covered was the escalation of violence. Therefore, utilizing a self-defense technique might keep you unharmed for a moment but could very likely cause the abuser to escalate to more severe violence and put you in grave danger during this event or in the future. Again, We will teach you how to recognize and ascertain which course of action to use.
We also know that abusers are master manipulators. Although you might be physically safe after defending yourself from an attacker if the police are involved, women are sometimes arrested as the primary aggressor (he has marks, she doesn’t, etc.). In family court, it can be stated that there was “mutual abuse” or she was “just as violent” as he is. In domestic violence, the trauma does not end with one abusive incident; the consequences of her response can be held against her for years to come.
Throughout the program, you will be told over and over to be aware of your surroundings, how you walk, how you park your car or take public transportation, how you get into an elevator, what clothes you wear, how you exist in this world. What I wished would be acknowledged was that this is exhausting. Women should be able to move through this world as safely as most men can, and we cannot. And it is UNFAIR.
We will also cover weapons in self-defense and the concepts of employing various weapons. Everything from a pencil to a firearm.
What we know about biology is that during a sexual assault, a victim can experience an or**sm. This idea can be very confusing for the victim. This does not mean she wanted to be assaulted or that she enjoyed it; she, again, cannot fight biology. Statements like this can cause a lot of confusion around if the incident was consensual or not r**e.
We, also, have to consider race when talking about self-defense. Unfortunately, we know that not all survivors of domestic violence are treated the same by the criminal justice system. When safety planning with clients, we have to talk about the intersection of race and the police or courts. A woman of color who uses self-defense against their abuser is more likely to be perceived as the predominant aggressor and is less likely to be believed by some police officers to be the victim. If she is arrested, she is more likely to be charged with assault and for that to be on her permanent record. This charge (even if dropped) can be used against her in protective order hearings or in family court in divorce or custody cases. It is not fair that survivors of color not only have to think about their immediate safety but what ramifications can come of their actions, but they do. All the time.
Training in martial arts, combat, or self-defense is not automatic protection from experiencing assault or abuse. HOWEVER, knowing how to defend yourself gives you a tactical advantage, gives you the chance to escape and live another day.
The bravest and most courageous thing I witnessed in the class this week came from a female student. While we were all on the mat ready to practice chokes for the last time, she told us that she did not want to participate in the final exercise. We all tried to change her mind and convince her to practice. But she stood her ground. All week the instructors had been telling them, “Use your voice. Use your voice. It is your strongest weapon.” And here she was. Setting a boundary and speaking up for her needs. I was bursting with pride. Defending oneself is not always straightforward. It’s usually incredibly complex. We all need to learn how to respond to and respect someone’s “no.” That is how we genuinely reduce violence.
This is for all of you men, women, and children, but especially for all women who are in some way concerned about the situations that are happening and may feel that they are stuck with no option to prevent these types of confrontations. As I mentioned at the beginning, these situations that you will see in this video can happen to anyone, regardless of gender, age or race.
These techniques are fundamental knowledge, these situations can happen in other ways or with 2 or more people, but you have to start with the basics. If we don't learn the fundamentals, we won't be able to cope with more difficult situations.
Understand that perhaps you are saying; "With a kick in the groins is enough." That may be right, or it can make the situation worse. It is for this reason that martial arts play a key role in facing these situations calmly, in a correct and psychological way if necessary.
Any doubt or question, you can leave it below in the comments.
Remember, evil does not respect your opinions or thoughts. It must be fought with prevention.
Come visit us at 16111 San Pedro Ave, Ste.102, San Antonio, TX 78232.
Call or Text (210) 628-9662
