20/11/2023
What teaching taught me?
There is a saying that your life as a teacher only starts when you realise you will be a life-long learner. And for me, the day that I realised that came to me naturally four years ago while I was so challenged by the first assignment at Reading. Not like many of my classmates who had been trained to become a teacher or linguist at university or who had years and years of experience, I only had three years of teaching at the time and no official training, then my MA was somewhat the most important stepping stone in my teaching career.
When I first started that year, I would never imagine the wide impact of it on my life years later. It has changed my life and myself in many ways because it opened my eyes and brought me the opportunity to become a so-called “real person” – now I don’t perceive life the way I used to, I don’t behave the way I used to, I even talk differently, my voice is different now. Teaching has changed me in so many levels and aspects of life, giving rise to a fresh personality which very much still surprises me every single day. For that, I will continue with life-long gratefulness and appreciation for the path that I chose.
Teaching taught me to become a better communicator. For many people, teaching is only to talk. My cleaning lady even told me that your mouth is your money-making tool (haha). But little she knows that teaching is not just about the knowledge, and even how the knowledge is conveyed; for me, it’s more about the relationship I have with my students: how to bond with them, how to understand them, how to know their struggles, how to feel their needs… For that, I had to train myself, I had to constantly remind me that my students’ feelings were equally important as my feelings. I was not born a sensitive person, I learnt to become one.
Teaching taught me about power. Four years ago, during my MA, I learnt a harsh lesson of power. It was when I was a student, it was when I felt so powerless and hopeless under the situation that no one took the blame apart from me. Later when I was a lecturer myself, I learnt another lesson of power, but it was when I could pull the shot on my students’ academic result. It was quite an overwhelming feeling when I realised how easy it was to change lives of my students, both in their academic results and in their personal lives. And that’s when teaching taught me to be careful with my actions, because as a student myself, I know so well that only a small act, a saying, or some feedback could really change someone’s life. And that’s when I learnt to choose wisely between when to use the power of a teacher and when to back off and wait for the small seeds I planted for blooming one day.
Teaching taught me to face my insecurities. Years ago when I started to teach, a junior teacher me would try my best to come up with some stupid reasons for why I made a mistake or why my knowledge fell short in some certain areas. Later I learnt that the root of that act was from my belief that teachers couldn’t be wrong. I feared that if I acknowledged my mistakes, then I was a terrible teacher. Now when I have better self-awareness, I know that much of it originated from my insecurities and childhood traumas, which I am still learning to deal with. However, the moment when I realised that a teacher should be working with students towards one goal rather than proving her self-worth to them enlightened me. Teaching made me become comfortable under my own skin, I could make mistakes, I could pronounce a word with a wrong stress, I could not be at my best one day, it’s fine as long as I face it. Only when I can see myself, then I can see the world. Only when I can see the world, I can be at best service for my students. Therefore, now I am totally the opposite during my lessons, I admit with my students my weaknesses, I tell them I am getting old and slow, I’m also opened to share about my feelings and even my failures, many of which I was not so proud of. After all, all teachers are human; and we’re prone to failures.
I hope to share this to many of other teachers who I believe are walking in the same path I have been and will be, who are sharing the same thoughts and feelings and struggles, who could understand me.
And because teaching is not just a journey to help others, but also a journey of self-improvement, I treasure all teachers on these journeys. Happy Teachers’ Day!
Thu Anh :D
media3.giphy.com