PeaceGreetings

It's time.

In moments of emotional pessimism, seek out the logical realism in the message and channel it productively.

On taking your time and choosing who you need to be for yourself in that time

You Are
The Seed
The Roots
The Soil
The Tree
The Branches
The Leafs
The Fruits
The Air
The Wind
The Sun
The Moon
And All The Stars

You don't have to be everything for everyone at all times.
You're allowed to choose who you need to be for yourself at any moment in time.
This is your life
Your process
Your awakening
Your healing
Your growth
Your unbecoming

You're the God of your personal YouNiverse

Original drawing by .angrisani

On tough situations as opportunities for growth

Tough situations aren't meant to make you tougher, they're meant to break down what was too extreme in your being to begin with.

Tough situations come with the question:
Which areas of your being need softening and which areas do you need more strength?

Let's get practical:
Example: two people can go through the exact same situation, yet each need to learn and integrate two very seperate lessons.
Instance: a breakup
One person may need to learn to have stronger boundaries, not give everything to everyone all the time, say "no" more often, and put themselves first.
The other person may need to learn to have softer demands and expectations, not take or ask for too much, become more considerate and think about others as much as they think about themselves.

Another example: a boss and an employee have a fight...
Perhaps one person needs to learn to be more assertive and ask clearly for what they want.
The other person needs to learn to listen better and consider what the other person needs and how to provide that.

Tough situations are not intended to make all parts of every person tougher.
Example of how not to go for contrast:
Breakup- both people learn to be more closed off, selfish, avoidant, and not ever allow themselves to love again.
Boss & employee fight- both people learn to never ask for what they want, instead demand it aggressively and or quit or fire someone and walk away.

Tough situations are opportunities for growing into greater versions of ourselves.

The situation is not the problem.
The problem existed before the situation ever manifested.
And now the tough situation is a moment where you can heal the original issue and become better.

So when hard situations come up they often are opportunities to say thank you for.
You don't have to stay in the pain of the situation itself.

Remember:
If it leads you to awakening: good
If it leads you to compassion: good
If it leads you to forgiveness: good
If it leads you to understanding: good
If it leads you to empathy: good
If it leads you to wisdom: good
If it leads you to gratitude: good

It is good.
Even if what led you there was really bad.

Don't let your trauma, pain, fight, abuse, breakup, or betrayal lead you to carrying hatred with yourself and others.
Use it to grow, unbecome and become.

On &

Sometimes: Trauma is Invisible.
And just as scarring as trauma that leaves bruises.

How we were treated in childhood often becomes the way we treat ourselves now.
We unconsciously adopt the roles, beliefs, and behaviors that were put on us.
Our parents may no longer be around yet we still hear their voices in our heads.
We hear all the things we can and cannot do.
We fear the fears they instilled in us.
We feel the beliefs they told us to believe about ourselves.
We may not even realize it, but we now act as proxies for them.
Treating ourselves, neglecting ourselves, abusing ourselves the way they did.

Here's the thing I've been learning:
All parents traumatize their children.

It can happen in the smallest simplest of ways.
Sometimes it's truly atrocious. It can be violent and constant emotional, physical, or sexual attacks. It can be consistent neglect. It can be constant belittlement or bullying. It can be a constant experience of feeling alone or misunderstood. It can be living with an addict. It can be living with someone who constantly lies to you and gaslights you. It can happen in a home that is consistently unpredictable. It can happen in ways we don't even know how to put our finger on...

sometimes trauma is invisible.
It may leave no marks or bruises.
It may be hiding behind what we think is proper "care". It may be hiding behind mansion walls.

So here's the second thing I'm learning:
No matter the violence level: it's all scarring.
Trauma is trauma.
Pain is pain.
Abuse is abuse.

We can guilt and shame ourselves for feeling the way we do and deny ourselves our right to our feelings by comparing our struggles to someone else's, but all that does is bury our own pain deeper within us.

As children we are often exposed to things we don't understand. Our mind locks these memories away in hidden rooms of our psyche, then builds protective shields and defense mechanisms around us so we don't have to feel the pain.

Then years go by.
We may experience depression, dissociation, addiction, or even other traumas.

We may think at some point: "ahh, this thing that I feel now at 20 is the problem. This is the thing I need to heal."
While that's partially true, it's only half the story.

We often layer trauma or neurosis on top of trauma and neurosis.
Like stacked rocks by the shore.

The way to heal is to not only remove the top layers, but to be willing to go to the core.
If you remove the defense mechanism, the illness, or the addiction, without also removing the reason why those were born, its likely in time some new defense will be built.

This is why we need to be willing to:
- Own the top layers of dysfunction we built as a means of survival and remove them
- Get to the root of the truth of the trauma we needed to survive from and heal it
- Replace the old mechanisms and beliefs with positive self empowering ones
- Create a new coherent narrative of your past life and present identity

In this way we can remove the clear thread of our past that wove itself into our present.
We are always capable and allowed to unweave the trauma threads of the past and weave in a new bright color of our choosing into the full tapestry of our lives.

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