08/05/2026
Yesterday marked five years without alcohol.
Each year feels a little different, but thereās always a constant unraveling of past/present/future.
This year was different because it was my first year without alcohol AND without a significant other.
Iāve been single for over a year and a half now, and itās the longest Iāve been without a partner since I was 18 years old. To some, that might not seem like a big deal, but for me, it has been one of the biggest shifts of my adult life.
For years, I replaced the responsibility of taking care of myself with the responsibility of taking care of someone else. Learning who I am without alcohol was one thing. Learning who I am independently and without feeling responsible for someone elseās happiness has been another entirely.
Although being alone has been really fu***ng challenging for me, it has also given me the chance to better understand my codependent habits, give closure in the places where Iāve hurt people, apologize where I needed to, and spend more time working on personal goals and new/old projects.
Recovery doesnāt stop when you put the drink down. The deepest recovery continues long after that, and sometimes it shows up in the strangest most aggravating and uncomfortable ways.
It never ends. Itās always work. There is always something to learn and always somewhere to be humbled. Iāll keep showing the f**k up even when I donāt understand what that even means.
As always, thank you to Ben's Friends Hope and to the people who have remained close to me. Your relationships are a huge part of what keep me army crawling through this crazy world.
Cheers to five years and to this beautiful life Iāve been building.
