Unfilteredd: Narcissistic Families

Unfilteredd: Narcissistic Families If you need someone to talk to, you can always DM me or sign up for a free session.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse ❤️‍🩹
https://unfilteredd.net/support/

08/26/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

Have you heard of the term “projection” before?

It's when you accuse someone of doing, feeling, or thinking the same thing you are.

For example:

You lie to someone, but instead of admitting that, you accuse them of lying to you.

That's what's going on in this video.

How?

Well, they have fragile self-esteem.

When things are going well:

People praise them.

People agree with them.

People admire them.

They feel amazing.

But when things aren't going well:

Someone criticizes them.

Someone disagrees with them.

Someone points out something they did wrong.

They feel terrible.

And because they're emotionally immature, they don't know how to handle feeling terrible in a healthy way.

So instead of feeling it, processing it, and moving through it...

They get stuck in it.

So they try to avoid feeling bad about themselves at all costs.

And projection is one of the ways they do it.

Think of projection like an escape route.

When they do something bad, they take the bad thing they did and put it on you instead.

For example:

Them being manipulative turns into:

“You're so f*cking manipulative.”

Are they aware they're doing this?

No.

It's more of an instinct.

When they do something that makes them feel bad about themselves, they push that bad thing onto someone else as quickly as they can.

So now you're the one who did the bad thing.

Not them.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

08/25/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

This is one of those things that people will roll their eyes at.

“Ohhhhh…”

“So your mom/dad was abusive because they double-checked something you told them?”

“That must've been soooo hard for you.”

But when your parent does this over and over again...

You tell them something.

They check.

You explain something.

They ask someone else.

You remember something.

They doubt it.

You tell them what someone said.

They want to hear it from that person.

You go through life thinking that your version of events can't be trusted.

And that, not the fact that they double-checked something, is the real issue here.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

08/24/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

Rock climbing.

Have you ever tried it?

You're climbing up this huge wall.

But you're attached to a rope that's being held by someone below you.

So if you fall, they catch you.

This is what having a parent is supposed to be like.

You're supposed to be “climbing” the “wall” of life.

Learning how to do things like take care of yourself, solve problems, make decisions, handle responsibilities, and become independent.

And when you “fall,” your parent/family is supposed to be there to:

1.) Catch you.

2.) Show you where you went wrong.

3.) Encourage you to try again.

But when you grow up with a narcissistic parent, you don't always have this.

Sometimes there's nobody holding the rope.

And even when there is...

They're not always paying attention.

They're looking at their phone.

They're talking to someone else.

They're pushing you farther than you're ready to go.

Sometimes they're even shaking the rope.

So pretty quickly, you learn:

“I better not fall because that person down there might not catch me.”

So you start paying attention to every little thing.

Where you're putting your hands.

Where you're putting your feet.

What your next move is going to be.

And eventually, people look up at you and think:

“Woah. How is that little kid already climbing like a pro?”

And that's what you're seeing in this video.

The child looks like they're “climbing like a pro” because they've learned they can't afford not to.

They get themselves up.

They make their own breakfast.

They pack their own lunch.

They remember everything they need for school.

They get themselves out the door.

And from the outside, that looks like:

“Wow. They're so mature for their age.”

But that's not really a good thing.

You shouldn't be 7 going on 30, you know?

But you had to be.

Because you couldn't depend on your parent to be the adult in your relationship.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

08/23/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

The twisted thing about many narcissistic parents is that punishing you isn't enough.

It's not enough to:

Take your phone away.

Ground you.

Stop you from seeing your friends.

Make you miss something you were excited about.

Send you to your room.

They need to see the impact that punishment is having on you.

They need to see that you're upset, angry, disappointed, jealous, or miserable.

Why?

Because they're not trying to discipline you.

They're trying to feel powerful and in control.

If they were trying to discipline you, giving you the consequence would be enough.

You broke the rule → you get the consequence → you learn from it.

But because they're trying to feel powerful and in control...

You don't need to break a rule.

They don't care about the consequences.

They're not trying to teach you something.

They just need to see the impact they're having on you.

And that's why they can do things like ground you, then come into your room just to remind you how much fun everyone else is having.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

08/22/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

They need you to react to the things they say and do.

This reaction could be positive or negative, depending on the situation.

But they need you to react because your reaction gives them narcissistic supply.

What is this?

It's the “fuel” narcissistic parents use to feel good about themselves.

It's made up of five things:

— Validation
— Admiration
— Reassurance
— Power
— Control

When you give them a positive reaction like praising them or agreeing with them...

They typically feel validated, admired, and reassured.

When you give them a negative reaction like getting angry, arguing, or becoming visibly upset...

They often feel powerful and in control.

But when you don't react, like you saw in the video...

They don't get anything.

And they don't like this at all because they rely on that supply to feel good about themselves.

So what do they do?

They try to get a reaction out of you.

“When you're done with that, vacuum the whole house.”

They want you to go:

“The WHOLE house?!”

But instead you leave it at:

“Okay.”

So they try again:

“Did you clean your room yet?”

Still no reaction.

Then:

“And the laundry?”

Again, no reaction:

“I'll do that too.”

So they escalate.

“Where's your phone?”

They take it.

“You're not getting this back until you're done.”

This is all just a desperate attempt to get you to react.

But try your best not to.

Because learning how to not react despite how hard they poke is a huge step toward freedom.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

08/21/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

When a healthy parent loses a child, their focus is usually on things like:

– Who they were.
– Who they could have been.
– The life they lived.
– The life they didn't get to live.
– How much they miss them.

Why?

A healthy parent sees you as a separate person with your own life.

So if you die, the first tragedy is:

YOU lost your life, THEN there's what they lost:

– I lost my child.
– I won't get to see them again.
– I won't get to experience their future with them.

But when a narcissistic parent loses a child, sometimes their focus is on things like:

– I'm the parent who lost a child.
– Everyone is worried about me.
– Everyone is checking on me.
– Everyone feels sorry for me.
– Everyone is telling me how strong I am.
– Everyone wants to hear my story.

Why?

Because they don't see you as a separate person.

They see you as an extension of themselves.

So if you die, the tragedy is about what they lost.

Of course, I’m not saying all narcissistic parents are like this.

But you’d be surprised by how many are.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

08/20/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

A couple of days ago I called narcissistic parents “external regulators.”

Meaning they manage what they're feeling by putting it onto someone else.

This is an example of that.

When a healthy parent has financial stress, they often think:

“How am I going to handle this?”

The key word here is “I.”

They're internal regulators.

They can do things like calm themselves down, think through their options, or make a plan to deal with that stress without involving other people.

But when a narcissistic parent has financial stress, they often take that stress out on you:

“I spend so much f*cking money on you.”

Why?

They're external regulators.

So blaming you is essentially their version of deep breathing.

It gives the stress somewhere to go.

And they don't have to sit with things like:

– I'm overwhelmed
– I don't have enough money
– I made choices that have consequences.

They can just put all that responsibility on you with thoughts like:

“I'd be fine if they weren't so expensive.”

This is external regulation.

And it can leave you feeling like you're the cause of your family's financial struggles.

But you weren't.

You were just a kid.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

08/19/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

Many narcissistic parents turn the bare minimum into debt.

Things like:

– Housing.
– Food.
– Transportation.
– Clothing.
– Basic necessities.

They all get turned into things that you have to pay back.

“You mean buying them a house?”

No.

They usually expect you to “pay them back” with obedience and compliance.

And because of this, you learn:

“If I'm dependent on someone, I'm not blank.”

This “blank” could be safe, secure, or a bunch of other things, it's different for everyone.

But the point is...

You learn that being dependent on someone isn't a good thing.

So...

You decide you won't depend on anybody.

It's a smart decision to make when you're dealing with narcissistic people.

But an exhausting one to make with everyone in your life.

So some unsolicited advice… if you don’t mind…

You should practice depending on safe people.

I don't mean going big like letting someone co-sign a loan or anything like that.

But maybe:

– Let someone give you a ride.
– Ask someone for a small favor.
– Let someone help you with something you could technically do yourself.

Give it a try.

You might find out that not everyone will hold things over your head like your parent did.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

08/18/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

Some narcissistic parents become less and less physically abusive as you get older.

Why?

When you're 7, there's very little risk in hitting you.

You're small.

You're dependent on them.

You can't really expose them.

But as you get older, several things start to change.

1.) You get bigger.

You can block the hit, push them away, or fight back.

2.) You become harder to intimidate physically.

Something that terrified you at 7 might not work at 19.

3.) You become more independent.

It's easier for you to leave the room, leave the house, or stay somewhere else.

4.) You gain a voice outside the family.

You can tell friends, partners, teachers, coworkers, therapists, authorities, etc.

Why am I telling you all of this?

I want you to see how intentional hitting you was.

If they were simply “losing control,” or whatever other excuse they gave you, then you'd expect them to keep that same lack of control the older you got, right?

But they didn't.

They turned it on and off based on how likely they were to face consequences.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

08/17/2026

Hi, it's Juliana!

The fight didn't impact them the same way it impacted you.

For you, that fight might've:

Made you cry.

Made you question yourself.

Left you replaying what happened.

So you can't just move on like nothing happened.

There's a lot of processing and recovering that needs to happen.

But for a narcissistic parent, the fight often leaves them feeling better.

How?

I like to think of them as external regulators.

You know how you can regulate your emotions internally?

With things like:

Taking deep breaths.

Going for a walk.

Talking yourself through what you're feeling.

Well, narcissistic people struggle to do that.

So they often try to regulate what they're feeling through other people.

Said differently:

They take what they're feeling out on you to feel better about themselves.

So just like you might feel better after you go for a walk to clear your head...

They often feel better after a fight because they:

They yelled.

They insulted you.

They blamed you.

They got their anger out.

They got their frustration out.

So now?

They feel better and move on like nothing happened.

If you need someone to talk to about all of this, you can always send me a DM or schedule a session with me.

My team and I help people heal from narcissistic abuse, and many of us have experienced it ourselves, so we're here if you need us.

To your healing,

Juliana ❤️‍🩹

Address

1060 Teer Road
West Rutland, VT
05777

Website

Alerts

Be the first to know and let us send you an email when Unfilteredd: Narcissistic Families posts news and promotions. Your email address will not be used for any other purpose, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Shortcuts

Share

Category