Speechkids

It's with mixed emotions that I can say that SpeechKids is closing at the end of August. It's been a great 15 years, and now it's time for the next chapter. I'm around for parent coaching and consultations (just not ongoing speech therapy).

Please stay in touch over at Raising Orchid Kids, LLC and DEFINITELY subscribe to the Complicated Kids Podcast (www.complicatedkids.com) wherever you get your podcasts. xo G

Delighted to share this piece about brains feeling safe that I wrote for Washington Parent Magazine.

Washington Parent August 2024 Page 38

Our Parenting Orchid Teens Support Group still has a few spots left. Who do you who needs to be there???

ROK Parenting Teens Support Group - Raising Orchid Kids Adolescence is a time of tremendous development. There are MAJOR shifts happening in the brain and body that shake things up substantially.

Happy Passover to all who celebrate. It’s a challenging time AND joy is always available.

If you’re a parent who feels like their child just won't listen or won't behave or won't follow through, you might want to schedule some more Time In.

Time In is time spent with your Orchid Kid where you are available to them on THEIR schedule. On their play agenda. On their lead. It’s time spent where you don’t try and teach anything. You just try and follow your child’s lead by being available and a willing participant.

We sometimes forget how powerful Time In can be in building up our relationships - all of them. Particularly with our Orchid Kids.

When's the last time you had non contingent time where your Kiddo was in charge of the agenda?

Here's another strategy for kids who "just won't listen":

CHANGE THE ENVIRONMENT FOR SUCCESS

If you’re having trouble keeping your Orchid Kid off of screens, ask yourself: how can you make the screens more difficult (hopefully impossible) to access?

If your kids can’t play together for more than a minute without someone getting hurt, how can you separate them so that people get hurt less often? (recognizing that nothing is 100%).

If your Orchid Kid chews on toys that are choking hazards, how can you make those toys unavailable?

Making changes to the environment is a way of allowing your child to succeed. Maybe they should be able to resist grabbing the iPad when it’s sitting on the couch.

But they can’t right now.
Why let them fail?

Maybe they’re “old enough” to play nice with their sibling, but they just can’t right now.
Why let them fail?

Maybe they know they’re “not supposed to” put small things in their mouth, but they still do it.
Why let them fail?

If a simple change to the environment means the difference between success and failure, why not do it?

If you’re a parent who feels like their child just won't listen or won't behave or won't follow through, before you lose your cool completely (which I don’t recommend doing anyway), try these things first.

Make sure they heard you
We sometimes take for granted that our kids are always listening to us. Even as I write that, I’m laughing because it sounds ridiculous. And yet, if I yell from across the room or across the house, the implication is that I expect my child to be paying attention to my voice in the midst of whatever they’re doing.

Oops.

Making sure your child can hear you might mean
Going into the same room as them
Tapping their shoulder to gain their attention
Saying their name and waiting for them to look at you
Then (and only then) telling them what you need to tell them
What happens when you try things this way?

Make sure they understood you
I’m talking here mostly about very young children, but also about older kids who have any kind of speech or language delay.

Did they understand the words you said (once they could actually hear you)?

It’s worth asking the question. And if you don’t know the answer, ask a speech therapist to take a closer look.

PS -- these strategies aren't just for kids. They also work on the adults in your life! (Spouse, mother, MIL, etc.!)

Our Orchid Kids test our limits and our patience. A lot at times.

Orchids with need their environment to be just so. Certain clothing; certain foods; certain lighting; certain toys; certain music at a certain volume.

Orchids with ADHD often have a hard time following through. On homework. On chores. On following directions.

Orchids with rebel whenever they’re told to do anything (or so it feels to us). They fight back. They sass. They refuse.

If you’re a parent who feels like their child just won't listen or won't behave or won't follow through, there are some things you can do to make it even a little more likely that your child WILL listen, WILL behave or WILL follow through. It starts with some basic "relationship hygiene" and strategies that I'll be posting here as a series.

In the meantime: what makes you feel defeated? What are the things that make you want to throw up your hands and say "uncle"?

Children should be….Good, Happy, Respectful, Kind, Quiet, Clean, Polite, Well-intended.

The aspirations seem innocuous enough. Except.

When we carry these (unexamined and unquestioned) expectations around, we set everyone up for a fall.

When we expect children to BE a certain way, we tie their actions to their worthiness/essence in a way that doesn’t allow for them to ACT in ways that might be contrary to expectations.

In other words, if we expect a child to BE Good, there’s no room for them to act “bad”. If we expect them to BE Happy, there’s no room for them to feel sad.

Children are LEARNING how to be Functioning Humans, and this means that they will make (frequent) mistakes. They will choose something Unkind on occasion. They will be Disrespectful sometimes. They will often feel Sad.

And when that happens, if we make it mean that something has gone wrong, we’re adding a bunch of garbage to a dumpster fire.

If we constantly think "We’re Not Doing Our Job to Turn Our Kids Into Good Humans", we will actually fulfill that prophecy. We will turn them into unhappy, disrespectful, anxious humans.

The process of parenting can feel especially triggering for who are , who are already deviating from an ‘expected’ path of development. Because Orchid Kids are already different, maybe it seems especially important that they comply with The Rules for Children.

But Orchid Kids did not get the memo.
Orchid Kids are the ones who feel least compelled to follow the rules.
Orchid Kids are often the ones who expose The Rules for the fraud that they are.

Orchid Kids often have a hard time appearing respectful even when they are trying to BE respectful.
Orchid Kids have a hard time ‘behaving’ (acting ‘good’) even when they are trying to BE Good.

What would it look like to have expectations that were more like this?
My (already worthy) child is learning how to act with kindness.
My (already worthy) child is learning how to act with respect.
My (already worthy) child is learning how to experience happiness.

You see where this is going?
Do you feel how these statements are different from The Rules?

We are used to equating actions with worthiness. We are used to thinking that if we do Kind Things that means we Are Kind.

But it’s not true. We can do Kind Things in a spirit of selfishness or we can do Kind Things in a spirit of true kindness. The difference is an internal one.

And so, when we are teaching our children how to show up in the world, the best thing we can do is .

Model kindness toward ourselves and toward others.
Model happiness and delight in our lives, our work and our relationships.
Model respect in the way we speak to ourselves, our children and those around us.

But in order to model what we want, we have to be aware of (and then throw away) The Rules. Are you willing to do that?

Just finishing our Raising Orchid Kids, Winter 2024 Cohort with Jen Dryer. Here's what some of the participants had to say during our final checkout when we asked them "What'd you get?" This is some GOOD WORK these parents are doing, folks! These Orchid Raisers are asking the hard questions and learning to navigate parenthood in a way that most of the culture doesn't have to or choose to.

Happy for a little break between cohorts, but also looking forward to our Spring 2024 Class taking shape. We start April 23rd on Tuesday nights. Who do you know who needs to be there?

THIS looks very cool! :)

Omnium Circus presents I'mPossible | Capital One Hall Get your tickets to see Omnium Circus at Capital One Hall on February 24, 2024 in Tysons, VA!