Cozett Contemplates

The women in my life have held me like this. I am SO grateful for the amazing tribe I have. If you don't have women in your life like this....

Cozett Contemplates her tribe of women....



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The wounds of your healer matter.

Over the course of my adulthood I have been blessed and fortunate to have worked with some of the most compassionate leadership healers in the world. They've mended me mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

There is rarely a week that goes by that I don't reflect on the inspiration of their abilities to heal themselves, heal others, and be actively engaged in continuing their own personal growth. I aspire to their fortitude, perseverance, and gentle wisdom. And with some of these exemplary humans I've had the honor of becoming personal friends. And in the vulnerability that characterizes a healthy relationship I've been privy to and witnessed how they've navigated their own growth edges. We've meaningfully shared our struggles from a place of seeing the best in each other and recognizing the strengths of the emotionally intelligent leadership qualities that we excel in.

While it is beautiful, healing is painful. It's messy. It can stink. It can be oozy. And sometimes depending on the nature of the wound and how deep it runs it can even fester for a while.

This is where I want to encourage people to both hold space for your healer as they are working their growth edges AND also understand that its ok to hold your healer accountable.

Accountability. That's also a messy thing. I view accountability as a sibling of sorts to healing. They rarely occur separately even if not simultaneously. That could be you holding your own self accountable or someone else.

If you are a healer, or working with someone for healing, and you're into any personal or spiritual growth at all one thing we all understand and commonly talk about is how we are each mirrors for each other. Understanding someone as a mirror for your own struggles, and growth edges is super empowering. Mirroring with another human being can be an incredible tool especially when it comes to projection. This can look like one person who is struggling with something taking their frustration out on others for the thing that they themselves wrestle with.

This is where and why your healer's wounds matter. While none of us will ever have "arrived" in the perfection of emotional intelligence I am noticing more and more a trend of healers who are seemingly turning on their clients, patients, friends, etc because of something they themselves are feeling disempowered about. For instance, maybe a spiritual counselor is struggling through being a workaholic and during the course of working with someone they discover the person they're working with has agreed to work overtime on their job even at the detriment of their own health. The counselor goes into a rage and tells the client "look I know what this is like and you are so wrong for doing this and I am absolutely appalled and disappointed and I will no longer help you. You should know better than to do this." See what's happening here? The counselor struggles with something more entrenched, that runs deeper and is more complicated. The person they're working with doesn't struggle with this addiction and is not actively trying to work through that particular issue. In fact, even though this client did work overtime and probably shouldn't have the issue, though it can look and feel similar to the counselor's struggle is completely unrelated.

And this is how healer's project their own wounding and struggles onto their clients. Doesn't mean the healer is a bad person. It simply means they have growth edges too. But, what it does mean is that as the client you now are in a position to where you feel grateful for the powerful transformations they brought into your reality but....also conflicted because the healer abruptly, angrily, and out of the blue acted out of character and severed a connection based on....a wounding that belonged to them. Not you. You may have worked overtime a few times but they are the ones with the actual entrenched issue.

Also, it's important that healers understand that the "onus" to be a bigger person is on you when you are caring for someone who has made you aware that they are in pain. You may not be a licensed physician but the standard of "Do No Harm" still applies. When you're aware someone is carrying intense pain....you necessarily have to be able to hold your own as well as theirs without allowing your own heightened emotions and triggers to be projected on to them. And if you can't do that then it is imperative that your unwillingness or inability to continue working with that person be conveyed in an emotionally intelligent way. Kindness, compassion, and a "gentle let down." Unless of course the client is malicious, or mean spirited.

Emotional intelligence is characterized by the ability to have a hard conversation in an energy that is not disproportionate to the one you are engaging with. Anything less is indicative that the healer isn't in a space where they can be fully trusted with the sacredness of your vulnerability. Again, not because they're a bad person but simply because they just haven't grown enough personally to be able to walk with you in a way where they can hold their own struggles without them creating leaky energy onto the person they're caring for.

I'll end this article by saying, please love your healers, be good to them and be okay with them not having "arrived" at the pinnacle of wholeness. But, also...stand up for yourself.

Love and gratitude,
Cozett Dunn

Cozett Contemplates the holistic community and emotional intelligence...

Even when you can't see the best in your situation...see the best in yourself.

"If all one knows is one's own culture, one has only met one person." Laurence G. Boldt

"If you see in any given situation only what everybody else can see, you can be said to be so much a representative of your culture that you are a victim of it." S.I. Hayakawa

I am committed to using language as a tool to build trust and not as a weapon. I am committed to using language as a bridge to encourage connection and not foster division.

Language for me will forever be a skill that I use to highlight similarities rather than differences.

Cozett Contemplates observing how people choose to use their language skills....



Before there were words, there were symbols. The first humans understood each other and the world around them based on images. Even simple images hold deep and layered meaning. The image of a snake is quite simple. It is basically either a straight or wavy line or a coil. But, it's image means wildly different things to different collectives. For some it is a symbol of power and healing. For others it represents fear and poison. For some it is a symbol of sacred and wise divinity. For others it is the embodiment of evil.

Language emerged as a means to better understand each other not to harm each other. Many of us consider ourselves to be on a journey to recapture the authenticity of our roots. We seek to better identify with the movements and origin stories we admire.

Although humanity has found itself existing in sects that often seem non-congruent to each other I believe that for those of us who appreciate a "getting back to our roots" ethic can absolutely find what united us all together at one point before religion, or politics existed in the form they do today. And that point is the point of understanding that....understanding....is one of the greatest needs humanity has if it is to ensure its perpetuation.

Our greatest need is not to finally win out on the prevailing arguments of our time. Our greatest need is not to be proven right and hold the trophy in our hand for the world to see so that it will "get in line" with our winning and singular perspective.

There is a difference between needing to be right....and needing to feel heard. Sometimes when we think we need to be right...it's simply that we just need to feel heard. Which one are you?

There is a difference between needing to be seen as the winner of an argument....and the need to feel valid. Which one are you?

But, there is no difference....between us and them.

And, there is no difference...between you and me.

You are the teacher.

Read my thoughts on

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." — Maya Angelou

This is the balance that I've tried to strike the entirety of my life. I feel like roots that lie upon the surface of eroded soil. Bare to the sun. The thing that gives life and parches me to the point that everyday is a battle to not give into the heat. To not wither. To not be reduced.

Being shaped, being changed by trauma isn't something that can be avoided. It can only be navigated with the wisdom and resources that are available. How that unfolds necessarily looks different for each person. Healing from trauma is another space that calls for the allowing of diversity. For people to insist that we all heal the same way is to reduce others to our own experience.

While I can't help (nor apologize) for being shaped by the hardships I've faced I also cannot be reduced to navigating my life by the hopes or expectations of others. I can't and won't carry that weight. I am. And, if that's distressing then that is a call to inner work that needs to be done. I am. That I am.

The landscape and architecture of my psyche is comprised of intricacies, contents, impressions, experiences, habitats, questions, and answers that are as unique as my fingerprint. And the same is true for you. The events that have imprinted my soul, my emotions, my mental and physical health will lead me into vistas where I see differently simply because I can't unsee what I have seen. And I don't feel ashamed for what I can't unsee. I am not the one who rung the proverbial bell that you can't unring. And I am not going to spend any of my energy trying to explain the implication of its vibrations.

Here's to living a life that is....life. That is whole. That is free from shame without being given permission to feel shame free. To laugh at exclusion because you understand that anyone who sees the world as less than "one" is bent on division and thereby exiling themselves from the full experience that is life.

Cozett Contemplates what refusing to be reduced looks like....

For many years I've recognized the reality of non-reciprocal energy in my life. I am, at my core, a humanitarian, giver type. But, I've also struggled with the dark side of these positive qualities. Namely, people-pleasing, and operating in a constant fawning response. A traumatic childhood laid this foundation for me. And, lacking financial leverage perpetuated it. But, deep within I've always thought there has to be a way for me....to be me safely....without the safety that comes with being financially independent. Every human being deserves an autonomy that is not predicated upon servitude (different than servanthood). A freedom of being, behaving, loving, enjoying, and resting that cannot be encroached upon by anyone who has more money, more power, or who lives by opposing values. A person's life should be entirely divested from cancel culture. I will never ever forget how so many people who supported me in my real estate business abandoned me once I was no longer a regular church attender. It made me feel used not supported in my career because it was apparent that they only wanted to be around me when I was a preacher. They didn't see me, the human. They were resonating with the rules I adhered to while not realizing that one's humanity is more sacred than any rule could ever be. This is the travesty that is religion. This is what trendy spirituality is. There is no timeless wisdom in this. There is a vacuum that exists in this kind of space where love is said to reside. A black hole that demands the carrying out of the rules or be excluded. No one can perpetually be a non-rule breaker and live a life that isn't sterile.

It is not the rigidity of rules or ascetism or conservatism or the elimination of every person, concept, lifestyle, philosophy or thought that underpins a healthy, and happy life. It is hope. It is community. It is tolerance. It is an allowing of others to fully express their own humanity without penalty that opens the door to a rich, deep, healthy, and meaningful existence.

It is in this spirit that I am making a shift across all of my social platforms, and personal communications. As I strive to attract people, and experiences into my life that fill my cup, and are a match for where I want to go in life, I am creating a private group here so that my communication and social life isn't scattered to the wind of an audience of people who no longer align with me, care about my well-being, and respect the divergence of my opinion from that of what is mainstream for the area in which I live. I'm different and I have experienced how costly that is. I tiptoe on my social media just so I don't experience the consequences of not conforming. I'm exchanging the deep spiritual truths, and vibrant expression and talents that lie within me for the safety of not rocking the boat. I'm half way through my life (if I'm lucky enough) and my conscience will no longer allow me to...not be me. So I had to create a safe space for me....knowing that I am not alone in how I feel. Knowing that there are probably others who are experiencing what I am who need a place to connect, express, and pose questions that would invite consequence.

I will keep my profile here for very generic purposes. But, if someone wants to have a meaningful, communal experience with me then Wisdom Seekers (Curated by Cozett Dunn) is my safe space for that connection. However, the group I am creating needs disclaimed. It's not for everyone. It's for wisdom seekers, people who are absolute spiritual junkies and are total nerds for education that embraces, and delves into some of the most ancient spiritual traditions in the world. It is not a place for the dogmatic. It is not a place for people who get riled up over expansive vocabulary that is typically used in eastern cultures, or faiths. If you are deconstructing from what you feel is a harmful, limiting, or rigid way of allowing yourself to be experienced...this group is for you. If you are like me....a quiet rebel, a private non-conformist longing to be seen for who you are authentically and NOT suffer the social consequences for that....this group is for you.

I NEED the interaction of others I can trust. I need to feel....like I am being experienced as the sacred human being that I am. If you need this too I hope you'll join me. I am ready to experience YOU!

Wisdom Seekers (Curated by Cozett Dunn)

Cozett Contemplates the freedom of social autonomy without penalty....