07/13/2025
This is an excellent article written by Steven May of The Spellers Community
Two Controllers: Understanding Apraxia and the Brain-Body Disconnect for Parents of Nonspeaking and Unreliably Speaking Autistics
The Two Controllers
Imagine this:
Your childâs body is being controlled by two entirely separate systemsâtwo âcontrollers.â
The first controller is their true self, THEM. This is who your child really isâthe inner intelligence, the emotional being, the compassionate and curious spirit that sees you, understands the world, and is actively trying to connect, continuously. This is the version of your child that you sense in quiet moments when your own mind is clearest,
distracted from the daily grind and open. This IS who they are.
The second controller is the Apraxic Controllerâand this is not your child.
It is their nervous system, functioning in a disorganized, disconnected way. It operates their body without their permission. The Apraxic Controller affects everything: movement, speech, facial expression, posture, sounds, responses. It causes the body to act in ways that do not match their inner thoughts or intentions. IT IS NOT THEM!
Spellers across the worldâonce they gain reliable communicationâdescribe this dynamic again and again:
âMy body doesnât listen to me.â
âI scream when I want to be quiet.â
âIt looks like Iâm not paying attention, but I hear everything.â
âMy face lies.â
âItâs like watching someone else drive my body.â
This is not a behavioral issue. This is not lack of intelligence, nor a lack of desire to connect. This is a neurological movement disorderâapraxiaâwhere the brainâs messages to the body are scrambled, delayed, or blocked entirely. REMEMBER - This is NOT them.
This is why spelling becomes a lifeline. Through the structured support of a spelling board, your child finally gains access to an alternate routeâa way to bypass the Apraxic Controller and communicate directly from their true self to you.
As you journey together, you will begin to see it clearly:
Your child is in there. They always were.
But the Apraxic Controller is fighting for control, every step of the way.
Flipping the Lens: From Outside-In to Inside-Out
As parents, carers, and professionals, we are often trainedâformally or unconsciouslyâto look from the outside in.
We interpret behavior. We expect responses. We rely on expressions, gestures, or spoken words to signal engagement, interest, or intelligence.
And when those things arenât present, weâre taught to assume lack: lack of attention, lack of understanding, lack of readiness. Thatâs simply 100% not true, itâs the opposite and WE are the error.
Hereâs the truth:
These expectations are built on neurotypical standards, not autistic experience.
Presuming competence means changing our lens.
It is the shift from:
âWhy are they doing that?â
to
âWhat are they experiencing moments ago and right now?â
This new lens asks us to:
⢠See behaviors as adaptive, not disruptive
⢠Understand that movement and expression may not align with intention
⢠Regulate ourselves first, before we respond
⢠Remove or reduce sensory overstimulation in the environment
⢠Be open to alternative forms of communication that begin with spelling, not speaking
⢠Replace demand with curiosity, flexibility, and deep trust
When we do this, we stop demanding that our child meet our social norms, and begin the work of meeting them where they areâwith clarity, respect, and love.
The Golden Keys to Open Communication
There are three essential elementsâcall them your golden keysâfor supporting your childâs communication journey:
⢠Presume Competence â Assume that your child is understanding everything, even when their body says otherwise. Hold this belief especially when itâs hardest.
⢠Belief â Your unwavering belief in your childâs intelligence and capability is not a nicetyâitâs a necessity. It is the soil in which open communication grows.
⢠Love â Love regulates. Love anchors. Love softens frustration, fear, and resistanceâyours and theirs. It is the single most powerful tool you carry.
As spelling becomes part of your shared world, expect surprises. Expect resistance. Expect joy. Expect setbacks, and expect miracles.
And always stay watchful and fully aware for the Apraxic Controllerânot because your child is broken, but because their Apraxic Controller hijacks their body and works totally against their will.
Your role is not to fix them.
Your role is to see them.
To believe in them.
To walk beside themâno matter how uneven the path.
Step by step, letter by letter, connection by connectionâŚ
Communication will open.
And the person youâve always known was inside will come shining through.
â¤ď¸