Roots & Keys

08/20/2026

https://www.rootsandkeys.com/post/parenting-kind-of-sucks-tbh

There is no universe in which I wish I'd made a different choice than to have Zoe > ...but I do not love parenting.She is an amazing, brilliant, clever, kind person who absolutely needs and deserves to be here, but I do not come easily to parenting.I am grateful every day that Zoe chose...

08/14/2026

Attachment stuff:

REMINDER: the stuff that happens to you in the first five years of your life builds the foundation for your adult self. It may all be preconscious (meaning you don't remember it) but it all forms you. This includes attachment to primary caregivers, and whether that attachment is secure or insecure.

08/13/2026

https://www.rootsandkeys.com/post/trying-to-live-your-values-is-hard

Reminder: it is hard to hold yourself to high standards that align with your stated values. It is particularly hard to hold yourself to them when you are hurt, scared, or depleted in some way. Petty grievances feel sooooo satisfying to poke at sometimes. Sometimes dropping into our worst versions is...

06/10/2026

I love doing workplace facilitation...

Amy L Miller, MSW, LCSW is an expert in teams, healthy communcation, and proactive and psychologically safe leadership.

06/08/2026

Look, there is no way to cheat ethically or to minimize the damage cheating causes to the trust in your relationship.

I think sometimes people think that cheating "quietly" is like, an okay thing to do because it doesn't REALLY cause harm.

But just because your partner may not find out the whole truth (or any of it) doesn't remove the ethical violation; personally I believe you are still causing harm energetically. It is always The Wrong Thing To Do.

What's interesting about me, though, is that I generally don't feel judgmental towards people who cheat on their partners. I typically assume that - unless the person is just an amoral as***le, which is a thing- cheating is a symptom of a problem.

Most often it results from unnamed and/or unmet needs and an unwillingness to disrupt the status quo (e.g., they don't want to divorce because of children is one "good" reason people stray rather than leave.)

A person may feel like they have asked over and over for certain needs (usually emotional) to be met, OR they haven't literally asked but they think their partner should nonetheless be able to recognize and meet their needs....

(Click to read more! It's free!)

Look, there is no way to cheat ethically or to minimize the damage cheating causes to the trust in your relationship. I think sometimes people think that cheating "quietly" is like, an okay thing to do because it doesn't REALLY cause harm...

06/05/2026

I said to a client yesterday

"If you aren't doing conflict with kindness, you aren't doing conflict correctly."

It was a response to a reflection about how mean this person's partner becomes when they are in conflict. Some of the things their partner would say sounded wild to me, just really bafflingly unkind. But then again, it always surprises me when people go this route, because, like...you love your partner, right? When you love someone, you should never want to hurt them.

Personally, I am never trying to be hurtful and very rarely have been known to lash out or "go low" even if the other person did.
But I understand why people default to this setting; it seems like "winning" is or should be the goal of every conflict and that the most important thing is to get your strikes in.

But this is a toxic, violent, "war" mindset. This is a misaligned framing of conflict in interpersonal relationships. It is never in service of the Relationship to "win" the argument.

As I say over and over, conflict is actually just a disagreement that is asking for resolution. If there is no achievable resolution, then in theory at least, the conflict is not worth having.

That fight you've had with your spouse 1000 times? Stop having it. If you haven't resolved it by now, it is not likely you ever will. Find a way to live with the thing and drop it. Repeating an irreconcilable argument is death by a 1000 paper cuts, especially if you default to being unkind in the process.

Over time, you've eroded the foundation of your connection, and for what? A thing you should have agreed to disagree about 20 years ago or agreed to divorce over.

I'd like to offer the reminder that if you are in relationship with someone, you should never be striving to hurt them. This is not a war. This is a relationship. We are tender, bruisable, vulnerable humans. Sitting with discomfort and working through hard things together is Good Work.

Resolving conflict with kindness is and should be the goal in all relationships, intimate partners and other types. Getting better at this is a process; avoiding conflict altogether isn't the answer and neither is going balls to the wall aggressive. This is my life's work, y'all! We will get better at it. 🙂

Here is my face because apparently FB doesn't promote things without photos

04/20/2026

This summer!!!!!! So many options to get together and learn and grow and be human. ❤

03/30/2026

🗣️MEN WHO DO NOT HAVE WOMEN FRIENDS ACTUALLY DO NOT LIKE WOMEN

A tip for women who date men: in my opinion, it is a huge red flag if a man does not have any female friends. Why? Because a man who does not have any female friends does not actually like women.