05/16/2026
Last night, I went to Town Hall Seattle to hear Kimberlé Crenshaw speak (moderated by the brilliant Angela Rye) about her new memoir, Backtalker.
As I listened, I kept thinking about the adoption conversations I’ve been having lately and how some of them may fit into the “backtalking” category. Just this past week, I consulted with three adoptive families who were interested in figuring out how to tell the truth. Not whether they should tell it, but how.
Adoptees have spent years explaining that the burden itself is not the complexity of adoption. The burden is the secrecy. What harms adoptees is not simply loss itself, but growing up surrounded by stories that deny, minimize, or sanitize the conditions that created that loss. Children do not benefit from curated mythology. They benefit from emotionally sturdy adults who can tolerate complexity alongside them. It’s exciting to see this ethical shift and hear from more adoptive parents who are asking how to tell the truth instead of whether they should.
Read my full piece (and subscribe to my Substack!) here: https://open.substack.com/pub/angieadoptee/p/backtalking-adoption?r=1hovk8&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true
