The Adopted Life

Last night, I went to Town Hall Seattle to hear Kimberlé Crenshaw speak (moderated by the brilliant Angela Rye) about her new memoir, Backtalker.

As I listened, I kept thinking about the adoption conversations I’ve been having lately and how some of them may fit into the “backtalking” category. Just this past week, I consulted with three adoptive families who were interested in figuring out how to tell the truth. Not whether they should tell it, but how.

Adoptees have spent years explaining that the burden itself is not the complexity of adoption. The burden is the secrecy. What harms adoptees is not simply loss itself, but growing up surrounded by stories that deny, minimize, or sanitize the conditions that created that loss. Children do not benefit from curated mythology. They benefit from emotionally sturdy adults who can tolerate complexity alongside them. It’s exciting to see this ethical shift and hear from more adoptive parents who are asking how to tell the truth instead of whether they should.

Read my full piece (and subscribe to my Substack!) here: https://open.substack.com/pub/angieadoptee/p/backtalking-adoption?r=1hovk8&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

Grateful for the lovely feedback from the speech I gave at the Conference in Texas a couple weeks ago.

Hanging out with my mom today. 🥰

I’m wearing a sweater that my dear friend made for me! 😍The design is by , and the neon green yarn is .fiber.

Whetstone Winery was a dreamy vibe for my book talk with sociologist and author, Gretchen Sisson.

The full talk will be available to watch soon!
CC: Beacon Press

Celebrating 17 years of marriage with my best friend ! ❤️💗

I spent years trying to reconcile being loved deeply by my adoptive parents with still feeling the weight of loss, disconnection, and unanswered questions.

The truth I’ve landed on? For adoptees, love is necessary. But it alone is not sufficient.
Come hear more of my story and the research behind it.

Check out my upcoming keynote and book talk dates at angelatucker.com

New Podcast Episode - Adoption, faith, and repair with the Episcopal Church

"I have a soft spot for rooms where people in positions of institutional power choose to reckon honestly with a history they didn’t personally create but nonetheless inherited. That kind of accountability is its own form of courage. I knew Alissa would bring it."

A Live Book Talk with Rev. Alissa Newton Adoption, faith, and repair with the Episcopal Church

Adult adoptees (23+) are invited to gather in a small, facilitated group to share and reflect on adoption-related objects that carry personal meaning. Hosted by AMS Ambassador Ellen Reeve—an adoptee and scholar of adoption’s material culture—this Zoom gathering creates space for careful listening, story-sharing, and layered conversation.

What is an adoption artifact? It may be an original birth certificate, photograph, letter, piece of clothing, jewelry, foster or adoption paperwork—or something less conventional, such as a lock of hair or even a birthmark. The object does not need to be visually striking, easily interpreted, or tied to a tidy narrative. Together, we will explore the complex meanings these artifacts hold—particularly those that originate from a time before the finalization of the adoption and continue to shape identity long after.

Register here: https://www.adopteementorship.org/fireside-chat/fh43qiohwhh7f79frwoev3okki09ur-b2pey