The Adopted Life

09/02/2026

One of my least favorite moments as a keynote speaker happens after I’ve finished talking. The applause fades. I take a breath. The moderator thanks me, and we move into Q&A. Someone in the audience raises their hand, and a staffer approaches with a microphone. The attendee waves it away: “Oh, it’s okay—I don’t need the mic. I have a loud voice!”

I have to assume that’s what they said because I couldn’t actually hear them. I smile and interrupt, hoping I’ve guessed correctly. “Actually, it’d be great if we could use the mic.” I usually offer the reason that sounds inclusive. “It’ll help the people in the back hear your question.”

That’s true. It’s just not the whole truth. The person I’m really trying to help hear the question is me: I’m hard of hearing.

Please click to read my full essay:

I can lead a room of hundreds. I just need them to use the microphone.

07/13/2026

Spent the week in Porto at the International Conference on Adoption Research with dear friends, remarkably thoughtful human beings, and brilliant scholars from around the world.

My latest essay is up now up on my Substack. Go read and lmk your thoughts. https://open.substack.com/pub/angieadoptee/p/asking-better-questions?r=1hovk8&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

06/03/2026

Before you respond with, “But I know a child whose situation was so awful that adoption was the only answer,” please hear me when I say; I’m not saying that every child should remain with their family of origin. I’ve never argued that safety doesn’t matter. My question is - is adoption the only/best answer?

I say, “I love my adoptive parents, but I wish I didn’t have to be adopted.”

Many people hear: “Why aren’t you grateful for your adoptive parents?”

When I say, “My birth mother struggled with homelessness.”
Many people automatically think: “It’s so good that you were adopted out.”

But that’s not what I said. Please hear the nuance! I’m asking questions like…

- Could my birth mother have received more support?
- Could poverty, housing instability, addiction, mental health challenges, and other family crises be addressed before family separation becomes the solution?
- Could we invest as much in preserving families as we do in replacing them?
- Could guardianship sometimes provide safety and stability without permanently severing legal ties?

These questions aren’t attacks on adoptive families. They’re not criticisms of people who adopted. They’re an invitation to think bigger.

Because when I talk about adoption, I’m not just talking about what happened after a child entered the system. I’m asking what could have happened before. And if that question makes us uncomfortable, maybe that’s exactly why it’s worth asking.

05/16/2026

Last night, I went to Town Hall Seattle to hear Kimberlé Crenshaw speak (moderated by the brilliant Angela Rye) about her new memoir, Backtalker.

As I listened, I kept thinking about the adoption conversations I’ve been having lately and how some of them may fit into the “backtalking” category. Just this past week, I consulted with three adoptive families who were interested in figuring out how to tell the truth. Not whether they should tell it, but how.

Adoptees have spent years explaining that the burden itself is not the complexity of adoption. The burden is the secrecy. What harms adoptees is not simply loss itself, but growing up surrounded by stories that deny, minimize, or sanitize the conditions that created that loss. Children do not benefit from curated mythology. They benefit from emotionally sturdy adults who can tolerate complexity alongside them. It’s exciting to see this ethical shift and hear from more adoptive parents who are asking how to tell the truth instead of whether they should.

Read my full piece (and subscribe to my Substack!) here: https://open.substack.com/pub/angieadoptee/p/backtalking-adoption?r=1hovk8&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

04/28/2026

Grateful for the lovely feedback from the speech I gave at the Conference in Texas a couple weeks ago.

04/26/2026

Hanging out with my mom today. 🥰

I’m wearing a sweater that my dear friend made for me! 😍The design is by , and the neon green yarn is .fiber.

04/07/2026

Whetstone Winery was a dreamy vibe for my book talk with sociologist and author, Gretchen Sisson.

The full talk will be available to watch soon!
CC: Beacon Press

03/16/2026

Celebrating 17 years of marriage with my best friend ! ❤️💗