03/01/2024
is reflections after a long day and alhamdulillah writing a letter to Azyan Musa Ghazanfar
Azyan Janni its amazing how you started the day so strong, waved to your siblings and never asked for any milk or food all the way in the car ride as if you knew the day surgery instructions very well. Was incredible to see your interactions with the crew and enjoying all the amenities especially the selection of ride on cars for the little patients. Despite the pre medication before anesthesia you were so alert to your surroundings and knew how to appreciate the flowers on the walls and birds pictures around. Final hug at 12:19 PM EST on Feb 29th seemed like a quickest but the heaviest one as we let you be taken for a cochlear implant through the Top Gun Alley Doors at the Children's At Scottish Rite Day Surgery
Time seemed to come to a stand still without you. We held on to each other ( with flashbacks of diagnosis of hearing loss at age 2 and whirlpool of next steps in 3 months ) and walked back to the room with devices buzzing with outpour of love and duas from all loved ones. We knelt down to thank Allah سبحانه و تعالى for Salat ud Dhuhr and cried like babies and beggars to ask for His help and mercy. 1:30 we get a text that your child procedure has started. الحمدلله called your incredible grandparents without whom we wont be where we are today. It was difficult to connect as throat choaked with tears yet heart was grateful for the treatment plan and option Allah سبحانه و تعالى had bestowed upon you and the opportunity to be under the Best doctors care. الحمدلله Bhea Janni joined in as we updated the loved ones, and exchanged duas and video snippets. We received another notification at 2:54 PM EST that your child procedure is completed and he is moved to the recovery room.
سُبْحَانَ اللَّهِ و بِحَمْدِهِ سُبْحَانَ اللَّهِ الْعَظِيمِ
What a relief. Brought out a prayer mat and sujood e Shukr was a must. Couldn't pick up from the ground that heard the familiar chuckle and knock on the door and there it was your happy operating surgeon Dr Paula. She said the surgery took an hour and 15 minutes and everything went well and you did amazing. Was relieved to exchange hugs, hear the details and post op instructions etc and were mentally prepared to receive you shortly and take you home by evening.
But then time kept ticking , tick tock , tick tock ...
Sometimes life gets so busy and in those moments you have the biggest reflections of life. We used the times to set your post op audiologist appointments etc but then again heart was yearning to have you back.
A Dr from the anesthesiologist team walked in as we were finishing Salat ul Asr and he said your oxygen levels are not stable without support and we may need to have you stay overnight just to watch and make sure you are doing well. As we exchanged concerns and questions , Dr Paula peeked in again and affirmed that yes his changing needs means he is staying overnight and room will be assigned shortly.
Time was about 4:45ish and I rushed to the hospital library to see if they be open so that we can checkout some toys and books to keep you happily busy for the night but found out it had closed by 4.
Made a detour through the cafe to see some options for you once you are ready, made tea and made so much duas for all the kids and families you see walking around and dealing with life's situation so bravely. Bhaijan Zain Ghazanfar grabbed the lunch packed for Abu Janni Ghazanfar Sajjad in the car for his Iftar
As we came back in the room and were processing this new information another Dr walks in that you are being moved to the intensive care unit as that is the best option for you for the care and attention you needed for the night . They assured you are doing ok and gave us instructions to head over to Childrens Healthcare of Atlanta-Scottish Rite PICU and be their first so You can see us once you get there. This was hard .. the change of plan.. had asked Allah سبحانه و تعالى to help your first day be in best care but not an ICU and not seen you since you went in for surgery couldn't control the tears rolling down. The nurse on duty passed a hug reassuring You are doing fine and its just for your good
We packed up the room, picked all your toys etc and came to the PICU where the gate attendant told us to stay in the waiting area across as You will be brought on the bed and we will be able to pass the doors with you..
🌙⭐️لا حول و لا قوة الا بالله -- There is no power or might except by Allah SWT🌙⭐️
Time seemed like move at a snail pace.. It was 6 hours had not seen you Azyan Musa Ghazanfar Janni .. Maghrib was about to happen in 15 minutes and an hour had gone by in waiting. We walked to the front desk again and inquired the status.
سُبْحَانَ اللَّهِ و بِحَمْدِهِ سُبْحَانَ اللَّهِ الْعَظِيمِ
We were told you were taken in from some other side door and doctors are working on you. The front attendant said they paged him to have his room ready but he didn't inform us and now has to go get his order for etc ready before we can go in. Again a long pause of waiting and thoughts swirling a storm inside. The entry door had swung open and close several times in between with many caregivers going in and out but we wanted to exercise patience not to violate any procedures and we knew Indeed Allah is with the patient. After 10 long minutes he comes back to his seat with a straight face that they are still working on him and we cannot go in.
This was one of worst nightmares of my life Azyan Janni. Scenes from my Grandma in cardiac NICU , myself in there couple of times just flashed back with a question that why cant we just see a peek of our little baby. Can we just not take a look as to whats going in. Why have we been kept uninformed and in wait for so long. Requested to talk to his manager and the floor nurse comes on the phone but the guy persisted that they are working on You and we cannot see you or cross the doors to even see a glimpse of You.
Tears rolling down, duas on lips رَبِّي إِنِّي مَغْلُوبٌ فَانْتَصِرْ we chose to walk back in the waiting area and pray Salat ul Maghrib .
Bhea Janni gave Iqamah, Abu Janni led the Salah and your Mamma Janni kept asking Allah سبحانه و تعالى to return You back to us. It was a prolonged Salah of gratitude to thank Allah سبحانه و تعالىfor the wonderful Gift of You and all that you brought along dear 😘❤️
Duas from our heart sounded like
اَللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْأَلُكَ اَلْجَنَّةَ, وَمَا قَرَّبَ إِلَيْهَا مِنْ قَوْلٍ أَوْ عَمَلٍ, وَأَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنَ النَّارِ, وَمَا قَرَّبَ مِنْهَا مِنْ قَوْلٍ أَوْ عَمَلٍ, وَأَسْأَلُكَ أَنْ تَجْعَلَ كُلَّ قَضَاءٍ قَضَيْتَهُ لِي خَيْرًا
Allah! I ask you for Paradise and what brings me nearer to it of deeds and sayings. I seek refuge in You from Hell-Fire and what brings me near to it of deeds and sayings. And that you make it good whatever you decreed for me.
Finally we folded the prayer mats and the floor incharge Olivia stood at the door ready to take us behind, We didn't want to ask any questions.. not even how is Azyan doing.. We just wanted to race down to see You.. and Alhamdulillah.. Sum Alhamdulillah there you were dear all hooked up but breathing and sleeping peacefully. Sujood e Shukr. This was the moment when I can say the word Alhamdulillah came out from deep within... with all the correct Makharij ... and ettiquetes.. Ya Allah سبحانه و تعالى Indeed you are Near and Indeed you hear and How could I thank you enough for returning this gift to us 🤲🏻 Silent prayers came out Allahuma Jaalhu Radiya.. Allah be pleased with Him.. Allah so many have prayed for You , Allah choose Him for Your work.
زادك الله علما وإيمانا ونفع بك خلقه 💐💚💐
Allah increase Him in beneficial ILM and Amal and make him beneficial and at service to the mankind
Olivia seemed a bit puzzled and felt at ease when we explained our situation. Steve the attending Nurse and her answered all questions with utmost diligence and helped make us comfortable.
New Shift started and we had our assigned nurse for the night. Emily walk in. With You in our arms and the caring team it was just tears of thankfulness from that point on. Alhamdulillah we shared the update and shared hugs with your Chachu jaan and Chachi Jaan who came to see You.
Alhamdulillah you woke up, cried a bit and found comfort in the cuddle and dozed back to sleep. Nothing like hearing your cry and seeing you respond to beep beep sound on your loved video.
Alhamdulillah we hard hearty conversations and after all left the nurses explained the line of action for the night. Alhamdulillah you enjoyed your Apple juice and asked for more. No more milk tonight Mamma Janni , treat me to royalty even if I am dozing in and out with juice, fish with herbs, pasta and fries with ketchup. You tried various crackers and enjoyed playing peek a boo with Abu Janni.
You seemed to enjoy the Hospital broadcast the most watching kids explain surgery procedures etc. Around 11ish you woke up really upset with all the wires on you and wanted to take them all off.. You squeezed your teeth in anger as to why are we not understanding to help you take the oxygen pipe, the head band, the oxygen finger wire, the hand canola etc and all the heart wires away
Had to press the call for help and alhamdulillah your oxygen wire was moved to your feet that you didnt like either, blood pressure cuff was taken off and finally you found comfort held to the chest in the recliner. You slept in that comfort position for 30 minutes and then tossed over. It was hard to make sure your ear incision wasnt hurting and we are not tugging any wires etc but your PICU nurse went above and beyond to make you comfortable in your snuggle over Mamma Janni Alhamdulillah
After 30 more minutes we put you on the bed, checked all your vitals and gave you pain medication
As I sit here beside your hospital bed, my heart aches with worry, but it also swells with love and hope. I want you to know, my sweet angel, that you are the bravest little soul I have known. Despite the tubes and monitors surrounding you, your spirit shines through, illuminating this room with your boundless energy and light.
I know you may not understand everything that's happening right now, but please know that Allah سبحانه و تعالى loves you and Abu Janni and Mamma Janni are right here with you, holding your tiny hand, and sending all the love and positive energy in the world your way.
You've always been a Rising Star 🌟, and I have no doubt that you'll overcome whatever challenges lie ahead. You have a strength within you that is truly remarkable, my darling. Every day, you inspire me with your resilience and determination to learn despite any limitations.
The doctors and nurses are working tirelessly to make you feel better, and they are amazed by your courage just like I am. You are surrounded by so many people who love you dearly and who are rooting for you every step of the way from around the globe Alhamdulillah .
I want you to know that it's okay to feel scared or unsure, but always remember that you are never alone. Allah SWT is always there with you and He knows what you go through.
Even though you may be feeling the pain, I am writing this to let you know when you grow up to be a smart young man that there is no gain without pain and never forget how loved and cherished you are. You are the light of our life, special in every way and one of our greatest blessing Alhamdulillah.
رَبِّ أَوْزِعْنِي أَنْ أَشْكُرَ نِعْمَتَكَ الَّتِي أَنْعَمْتَ عَلَيَّ وَعَلَىٰ وَالِدَيَّ وَأَنْ أَعْمَلَ صَالِحًا تَرْضَاهُ وَأَدْخِلْنِي بِرَحْمَتِكَ فِي عِبَادِكَ الصَّالِحِينَ
We look forward to the day ahead when we can leave the hospital being grateful for all the care and return home, where we can play together without any wires around just like we used to. But until then, let's take things one moment at a time, appreciating every breath and appreciating all the loved ones and thoughful ways along in this journey.
Stay strong, our precious little one. Azyan Musa Ghazanfar you are amazing, truly cherished, and you will emerge from this stronger than ever before In Sha Allah .
With all our love and endless kisses and duas from all loved ones and your Mamma Janni
اَسْاَلُ اللهَ الْعَظِیْمَ رَبَّ الْعَرْشِ الْعَظِیْمِ اَنْ یَّشْفِیَکَ۔x7
أَذْهِبِ الْبَأْسَ رَبَّ النَّاسِ وَاشْفِ أَنْتَ الشَّافِي لَا شِفَاءَ إِلَّا شِفَاؤُكَ شِفَاءٌ لَا يُغَادِرُ سَقَمَاً "O Lord of the people, remove this pain and cure it, You are the one who cures and there is no one besides You who can cure, grant such a cure that no illness remains".
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