Brendan Kwiatkowski PhD

Sexist jokes Part 2. I think there was a really important conversation to be had from this comment and similar ones—I hope this makes things a bit clearer.

I’m always trying to find the “goldilocks” of nuance to put in or leave out in social media posts.

What are your thoughts?

Did you know about this fifth F? Flocking is not unique to guy culture, it’s also hyper relevant to the social development during the pre-teen and teenage years.

Discussing the discrepancy between individual values and group behaviours is one of my favourite things to discuss, address, and do role-plays about in my workshops.

I wrote most of this a few months ago—as a way to help me process (for my own sake) the atrocities going on in the world. And in light of the Epstein file documents and the Tumbler Ridge mass shooting, this poem feels extra pertinent. The last two lines are both a “prayer” of sorts as well as a reminder for myself.

Was I always this sensitive?

I used to love watching criminal minds late at night
—serial killers, blood, brutality—
Didn’t seem to bother me.

But now? Now I can’t even read news articles about children dying without tearing up or losing sleep.
And if there’s pictures? I find myself unable to hold their gaze.

Was I always this sensitive? Or did something happen to me?��Was it when I became a father?
Was it going to funerals of children?
I remember, after one of those, I went to comfort my friend,
And when she saw me, she wailed as we embraced,
Saying “Brendan, my daughter is dead.”

Maybe I’m sensitive because I’m haunted by that memory
but maybe we need to be haunted sometimes.
Maybe this hauntedness is sacred, an invitation to remember,

That Maybe I was always this sensitive, and I just forgot?

A famous poet once looked at the beauty of nature and remarked—for all of this, how are we not moved?

I have the same question when I look at how we respond to suffering.
A lethal combination of numbness, of justification or worse,
advocating for more violence and greater suffering in response.

Were we always this calloused?
Is this simply the evil human nature I was taught exists inside all of us?
�Maybe, but I don’t think so, because
I remember why callouses form.

We are calloused because we are sensitive.
And each of us, in our own ways, and to varying degrees,
learned to treat our sensitivity as a liability rather than as a guide. ��I don’t hate our callouses,
But I do hate the stories we make up about them—
When we valourize them and pretend that callouses are the real world
While ignoring the sensitive truth underneath.

That our callousness proves our sensitivity.

So may we remember that we were always this sensitive,
and that our world needs it. �May we be haunted by the inconvenience of humanizing others.

Remember Elvis Stojko anyone?

Is there anything you wanted to try but decided not to?

P.s. I’m open to suggestions and tips on how to spin better!

feminism

The digital landscaping is changing—and there’s significant consequences for all of us. I know parents probably don’t want to be thinking or talking to their teens about this, but it’s relevant and teens need guidance.

I’ve been appalled and unsettled (not shocked) by the normalization and the numbers of grown men using GROK and other AI to alter people’s images on these types of ways.

What I wouldn’t give for social media companies and politicians who cared about the ethics and impact of their content and policies above their pockets.

Please tag your favourite consent education accounts!

Did anyone else have a history teacher like this? For the record, I tried to be very intentionally of how to pull this off in a way that didn’t cause undue stress for students.

If you don’t watch to the end, the potential takeaways are: if you want to be a tyrant, get people to not take your tyranny similarly. If you don’t want authoritarianism, take tyranny seriously—perhaps especially if packaged in a non-serious manner.

What are your thoughts?

Little unknown fact is that I started a secret tiktok account during my PhD where it was just going to be LotR characters (action figures) discussing masculinity related topics. I think I only ever made 3 or 4 videos, that I’m sure you could find if you really wanted to

This video is too long for Instagram to show other people, so appreciate any shares

If you want to be more emotionally regulated…maybe start by asking yourself the same thing this teenage boy did.

I love using the window of tolerance to teach emotional regulation, and noticing where your nervous system is at in real time is a great first step.

But there’s so much more to dive into. Let me know if any of this resonates or if you have any questions about it so we can dive deeper.

I hesitated posting this because I’m aware of how much easier it is to deconstruct or critique someone’s ideas than it is to try and reconstruct something knowing it’s imperfect. And I’ve seen enough interviews of Scott to know that he is willing to acknowledges and sit with some of the critiques of what he proposes here.

Suffice to say, I have a lot of thoughts on code of masculinity. There’s a lot of good elements to what he is saying here that I agree with, yet—like a lot of things—there are some shortcomings that I think are significant enough to address.

I’d love to know what do you think—of his code and/or of my critique?

How much do these messages of “less human”, “smaller humans” or “subhuman” align with your experiences?

Let me know if you want me to unpack the research about the harms of internalizing and rigidly adhering to these messages, but before I do that, I think it’s worthwhile to first ask: How have I/we benefited from our own disconnection as well as from others’ disconnection?

In other words, how have we, as individuals and collectively, experienced benefits from “less human”, smaller humans” and “subhuman” narratives?