08/28/2020
The image below is of my then 4 year old experiencing the joy and wonder of his first sea plane ride over the Tofino coast in British Columbia a few years ago. Travel and adventure are in our DNA as a family. I started scuba diving at 12, backpacking and rock climbing by 13 and spent over a decade as a professional backpacking, rock climbing and whitewater raft guide.
I share that love of travel and adventure with my family so we go, a lot. Covid has forced us to stay, a lot. It has been very hard on my family. My kids have turned off our digital frame because seeing the pictures of our trips, days with friends and visits to family make them sad. At 7 and 3 they know that the life we are living now is very different than the life we lived before and they are grieving. As Jamie Anderson says in the quote above “grief is just love with no place to go”.
I know a little something about grief. My Mom died suddenly and unexpectedly 41 days before my first child was born. I spent two years deep in grief and depression after that. I spent another two years learning the science and habits of happiness to recover and writing my upcoming book about that journey to help others recover and get back to happiness quicker. Some of you have already lived with grief as I have and for some of you, the grief brought on by this pandemic is new to you. On my own journey I discovered that grief is a demon you have to make a home for, you can’t exorcise it, outrun it or outlast it. If you are willing to accept right now that the grief you feel for the life you had before covid is real and is yours forever you can start to heal from it. But you have to be willing to make a home for it. Grief without a home will bring you to your knees, suddenly and unexpectedly and wreak havoc in your life. But with acceptance, time and work you can make a home for it inside you. You can give it a place to live where you can access it when you need it but it no longer has the power to bring you to your knees without permission.
We have to be willing to take the time to grieve for the things we have lost. For my family that is travel, time with friends and family and a sense of freedom to go anywhere we want and do anything we want. It’s school in person, nights out with my wife and wilderness trips with my friends. The love we all have for that lifestyle has, for many months, had no where to go. We kept talking about what we will do “after covid” or “when the pandemic is over” ignoring our grief and prolonging it. Now 6 months in, it is time to accept that the pandemic is here to stay. It is time to stop talking about our lives “after covid” and start planning our lives “during covid”.
So I have made a home for my covid greif, I accept that it is here to stay, that this pandemic will be a part of my life for the days to come and I for one will write a story that creates a life worth living during the pandemic. In addition to giving my grief a home I am giving my love of our old life a place to go, straight into our current life.
I love that we have spent so much more time exploring the Sierras in our own back yard this summer, I love that we have put effort into our home to make it an efficient home, full time restaurant, play center, bike park, gym and movie theatre all wrapped into one small, mid century modern package. I love that we as a family are a pack that cares for each other, protects each other and pushes each other to be better. I can mourn for the life I had while loving the life I have now. I can’t outrun, outlast our out happy my grief, it’s mine forever but I can give that love some place to go.
What are you grieving for from your pre-covid life?
What new places have you found to send the love you had for your old life?
Let me know in the comments.
Thanks for reading and stay in the fight!
