Amber Graham Coaching

Drop a ❤️‍🔥 if you want this too.

I see you. I hear you. I love you.

Have you ever told yourself that?

And yet you find yourself with the same kind of unavailable partner over and over and over again.

You tell yourself “Something is better than nothing” or “It’s not that bad.”

And yet, it feels like a piece of you is slowly dying inside because you’re a shell of the person you really are.

You hide parts of yourself away that you think are too hard to love.

You don’t speak up and you feel like you’re walking on eggshells.

You tell yourself that you’d rather be alone than with someone who doesn’t fully love you for you and yet…. you stay and you don’t try to change the pattern.

It’s not because you’re not strong.

It’s not because you’re broken.

It’s not because you don’t deserve better.

It’s because your nervous system is telling you that that is what love is.

(Pssst…. it’s our nervous systems that determine our attachment styles and relationship patterns).

Ready for the good news?

Our nervous systems can be stretched beyond our current comfort zones. They can be re-wired and they can change.

You can find a new definition of what love is.

Join us inside the BREAK THE PATTERN Masterclass (happening on THURSDAY) because it’ll be an easy next step in your nervous system rewiring journey.

And you’ll even get some time to ask questions, get individualized support and guidance from me.

I see you. I hear you. I love you.

Ps. l i n k is in my b i o. So go click it! ❤️‍🔥💋🫶

💕🦋

Had to be said, because I love you.

❤️‍🔥💋🫶

Questions? Just DM me because I’ll always answer them. Xoxox

Run with me towards the things you really want (but are also secretly afraid of having).

You got this.

I see you. I hear you. I love you.
❤️‍🔥💋🫶

ps. BREAK THE PATTERN Masterclass is 50% off til tomorrow. You know what to do.

What do you feel when you hear “you shouldn’t be afraid of being yourself?”

Encouraged? Enraged? or both? Tell me below.

I see you. I hear you. I love you. xoxo

I’d write out my thoughts in my notes app, edit it, edit it some more, try and read it from every angle to make sure it couldn’t be perceived negatively, rehearse what I was gonna say like I was giving a speech in front of hundreds and *then* I would send that text or have the conversation.

I didn’t trust my inner guidance or intuition.

I felt like every request I made was “too much” or made me “too needy.”

When we first started dating he went on a long backpacking trip and was gone for 2 months. (This is not outside the norm for him, but it was a first for me in our new relationship).

I could feel myself getting anxious as the time for him to leave drew near (Hello to my anxious attachment style. I see you 👀).

So, I did what I did. I wrote it down, rehearsed what I needed to say & then had a conversation before he left.

I honestly don’t remember exactly how the initial conversation went but it was obvious that I felt like I needed to further explain myself after he had been gone for a few days…. I found this in my notes app today. (Swipe to see the screenshot)

Listen my friend, most of us just aren’t taught how to do relationship. We observe, we experience, we guess, we repeat Patterns that we saw growing up and a lot of it is just plain messy.

Part of having a healthy and thriving relationship is….

🫶 Self-awareness (understanding why you do the things you do)

❤️‍🔥 Making conscious decisions & taking aligned action to create change when needed (Break your Patterns)

💋 Making agreements (working together to help each other feel safe and secure).

Since that first trip we have had many chances to be apart. And guess what…. I feel connected to him no matter where we are or how long we are apart because I asked for what I need while we are apart (and so has he), we have agreements that support us, and we work together as a team.

But it started with understanding myself and what I wanted and needed (and why) first and foremost.

I’m teaching one of the most influential things I’ve ever learned on my relationship journey next month.

Save the date for Monday 13th - Imma share all the details with you.

I see you. I hear you. I love you.

I mean….. what’s there to be sorry about here?

(Nothing. The answer is nothing. Own it!)

Who’s with me?

🩵 I see you. I hear you. I love you.

Unconditional Love vs Conditional Love ⤵️

Conditional love is when affection, care and attention are given based on certain conditions being met.

It’s “I need you to behave in these specific ways and THEN I’ll give you love.”

It’s “if you do (or don’t do) _____ then I’ll withhold my love and attention”.

That’s just not how healthy relationships are built. We are imperfect human beings, in relationship with other imperfect human beings.

UNconditional love is giving affection, support and caring that is NOT dependent on specific conditions or expectations.

It is loving someone for who they are, without placing requirements or limitations on that love.

It is filled with moments of giving (and receiving) compassion, grace and understanding.

Moments of making requests, learning more about how to best love (and be loved) by your partner.

Moments of learning, growing, acceptance and compromise.

Ultimately, healthy relationships are where we feel seen, heard and understood.

It’s a place where we feel supported and safe to be fully ourselves.

And if that is *not* what you are currently experiencing there’s some patterns that need to be shifted.

Remember, we are not circus monkeys that do things on demand in exchange for treats and love.

You deserve so much more than that, my friend.

I see you. I hear you. I love you.

Ps. You can take my freeeee DISCOVER YOUR RELATIONSHIP PATTERN Quiz to see where your relational patterns lie. Start creating some shifts. Link is in the comments. Xoxo

When I was looking to improve my relationships, the first thing I found was attachment theory/ styles. Once I learned about it EVERYTHING finally made sense.

- The way I showed up in relationship.
- The challenges we faced.
- The patterns that continually played out regardless of who I was in relationship with.

There are 3 main attachment styles: Anxious, Avoidant and Secure. (Want more info on each? Check out my last 3 videos 😘)

Let’s just say that I was NOT creating a securely attached relationship because my Anxious Attachment Style was running the show.

I’m talking…

- Major insecurities and fears of abandonment
- Walking on eggshells
- Avoiding conflict (and thus repair) like the plague
- Continually morphing myself into being who I thought THEY wanted me to be instead of actually being myself….

It was exhausting (and not conducive to feeling safe and supported in my relationship).

So, my pattern needed to change. With some awareness, some tools and support, shifts started to happen. I felt more comfortable being myself, no longer walking on eggshells or trying to be someone I wasn't.

The beautiful thing about patterns, is that we can change them.

You are fully capable to feeling safe, secure and loved in your relationship without ever having to sacrifice yourself or be someone you’re not.

You are fully capable of being close and connected to your partner without feeling like you’re going to suffocate or that you need to run away.

You are capable. And it starts with creating some awareness.

Take my “DISCOVER YOUR RELATIONSHIP PATTERN” Quiz today and take that first step towards creating a new relationship reality.

I see you. I hear you. I love you.

Ps. You know where to look for the link, but you can always DM me “PATTERN” and I’ll send it directly to you. xoxo

PS. The truth (whatever/ whoever that may be) will never make you feel like s**t about yourself. So if your mind is offering you “truth” that feels like hot garbage ask yourself “who’s truth is this and where did I pick it up?” I promise you, it’s not yours. xoxoxo

PPS. I DO have something valuable to say and it’s all inside The Relationship Remix. Come check it out. It’s a fun place to learn about all things mind, relationships and the always evolving human experience.