Suburban Intimacy

I was not angry. I was last on the list and I had not said anything about it yet.

When he asked about Friday nights I did not even realize why it bothered me so much until I actually sat with it. And what I found was that we had slowly stopped being a priority to each other without even noticing.

We were not fighting. We were not unhappy. We were just quietly drifting.

➜ Ships passing in the same room is still distance.
➜ Anger is usually just unmet needs in disguise.
➜ Sitting with it before reacting changes everything.
➜ Coming from curiosity instead of blame is what actually moves things forward.

We talked. We figured it out. And it started with me saying “this brought something up for me” instead of making it a fight.

That is the work. And it is worth it.

If you are in a season where you and your partner feel more like roommates than lovers, start there. The conversation is the intimacy.

Come and check out my shop and make sure to grab your freebies at: https://www.suburbanintimacy.com/gift

SuburbanIntimacy

My husband asked to play tennis on Friday nights and I wanted to flip a table. 🎾

I said “yeah totally fine!” like a normal person and then spent the rest of the night getting progressively more unhinged over absolutely nothing — or so I thought.

Here’s what nobody tells you about being the woman who “has it together”:
→ The rage doesn’t show up labeled. It just shows up.
→ You can KNOW all the psychology and still be completely blindsided by your own feelings
→ Sometimes “I’m fine” is just anger in a trench coat
→ Friday nights mean something. Free time means something.

And when it feels threatened, your nervous system doesn’t care how evolved you are.

I went to bed annoyed. Woke up still annoyed. And then had to sit with the embarrassing question — is this perimenopause or do I actually have an unmet need I’ve been ignoring?

Plot twist: it was both.

I’m a s*xologist. I study intimacy. I write about this stuff for a living. And I still had to drag my own feelings out of the corner and interrogate them like a suspect.

This is what real marriages look like. Even the good ones.

Link in bio if you’ve ever been irrationally mad and had to reverse-engineer why 🔗

The v@gina and the have very different opinions on giving things back.

Your body is not a lost and found. Let’s talk about what actually stays put. Condoms are a must with , and they are great…..until they’re not where you left them.

Here’s the thing:

The va**na is an enclosed cavity. Nothing is getting truly lost in there. Worst case, a little fishing trip and you’re done.
The a**s? Completely different story.

The sphincter can actually pull things inward. What goes in does not always come back out on its own.

That’s not a fun discovery mid-situation. So if you’re using a condom during a**l play, one rule matters above everything else:

That outer ring stays outside. Always.

No exceptions. No “just this once.” If you’re going deep enough that the ring disappears, you’ve gone too far.

Pleasure is great. An ER trip is not. Know the difference before you start, not after.

If you’ve been meaning to do something about this… this is the sign → [www.suburbanintimacy.com/gift](http://www.suburbanintimacy.com/gift)

*xualwellness *xeducation *x

The audacity of numbing cream to call itself a**l prep.

If your plan for a**l involves numbing cream, your plan is wrong.

Full stop.

I know why you’re thinking it. Less pain, more ease, everyone’s happy. Sounds logical.

It’s not.

Pain is your body’s way of saying something is wrong. It’s not an obstacle. It’s information.

And when you numb it, you don’t make the problem go away. You just stop being able to hear it.

That’s not preparation. That’s a liability.

The women who came to my parties, nurses included, and trust me they had stories, weren’t raving about numbing cream. They were telling me about the aftermath of not being able to feel what was happening to their own body.

Your body needs to communicate with you in real time.

Especially here.
Especially when you’re new to it.

The goal isn’t to feel nothing. The goal is to feel safe, relaxed, and ready. And that takes communication and actual preparation, not a cream that mutes your body’s only warning system.

You can keep struggling… or try something that actually helps → Www.suburbanintimacyshop.com — TOUCHME saves you 15%.

*xualwellness *xeducation

The way you learned to ma******te at 14 is still running the show. And that’s the problem.

Most men were never taught, they just figured it out.

Fast, hidden, get it over with. And without realising it, spent years training their body to finish as quickly as possible.

That pattern doesn’t disappear when you’re with a partner.
Here’s what’s actually happening:
→ Your body learned one speed and one goal — finish fast
→ That wiring doesn’t reset on its own
→ Rushing through solo s*x means rushing through partnered s*x too

The fix is edging, getting as close as possible, recognising that point of no return, and backing off just before you hit it.

Repeatedly. Until your body learns a different rhythm.
What changes when you slow down:
→ You last longer without forcing it
→ Pleasure builds instead of disappearing
→ S*x becomes something you’re fully present for instead of just getting through

Nobody taught you this. But it’s not too late to learn it.

You can keep struggling… or try something that actually helps → Www.suburbanintimacyshop.com — TOUCHME saves you 15%.

*xualwellness *xeducation