Take Flight Coaching and Wellness

You can love someone and be no-contact with them.

You can know that no-contact is the best option for your emotional, mental, spiritual, and/or physical well-being.

And it can still hurt terribly.

What’s good for you doesn’t always feel good. 💔

And sometimes being no-contact provides the most beautiful liberating, weight of the world on your shoulders lifted kind of feeling. 🙌

Which one are you? 💔 or 🙌? Tell me below! 🦋

Flying Monkeys are the people sent on missions for the narcissist.

They are aware of the abuse, but remain supportive of the narcissist…

A prime example of this is when a narcissistic parent sends a co-dependent sibling to pressure an adult child back into submission and relationship with them.

This may look like:
✔️An invitation to a family/holiday gathering,
✔️Stating that everyone is talking negatively about you,
✔️Sharing rumors of you being written out of the will and,
✔️Smear campaigns on social media.

The flying monkey is fully bought into the lies and abuse of the narcissist. Even though they will try to manipulate you into thinking they have your best interests in mind. (They do NOT).

Strong boundaries, including no-contact, will protect you from this on-going abuse.

Drop a 🐒 below if you have flying monkeys in your life!

The first time I tried to set boundaries was during my first marriage, and I failed terribly.

I read a couple chapters in a book and thought I wouldn’t have to deal with the poor treatment anymore.

I was so wrong.

Now, setting boundaries is one of my super powers! There is so much freedom in being able to communicate my needs and have

If you’ve never set boundaries:

1️⃣ Start by figuring out exactly how you want to be spoken to, treated, spend your time/finances, etc. Write it all down.

2️⃣ Evaluate your relationships to see if they support the above.

3️⃣ Make a list of the relationships that need boundaries.

4️⃣ Tie consequences to your boundaries.

5️⃣ Have the tough conversation.

6️⃣ Be ready to hold your boundaries against resistance.

Send me a DM if you want me to walk you through the process of setting boundaries with the people in your life (toxic or not).

Relationships with narcissists & toxic people are like a slow death of your spirit.

Every passive aggressive jab,

Every cruel word,

Every criticism,

Every time they gaslight you,

Every time they lash out at you,

Every time they devalue you,

They chip away at who you are.

It changes you and how you see the world.

If you are ready to heal from these toxic relationships, you’re going to have to step away from them.

Because you cannot heal while being continually cut open by their abuse.

Allow me to guide you toward the life and relationships that you deserve and desire.

Questions on what coaching with me looks like?

Send me a DM with any questions you have.

It’s time to fly.🦋

Have you had enough yet?

Do you really want to continue the unhealthy and abusive cycle with the narcissist in your life?

You can gently step away, heal, and create a life you are not yet able to imagine.

I can’t promise you that it’s going to be rainbows and butterflies.

But I can promise that if you do the work, you can have a life filled with:

PEACE instead of tension,

LOVE instead of anguish,

JOY instead of mourning, and

INSPIRATION instead of discouragement.

What are you waiting for?

How many times have you wanted to access your inner Charlotte?💁🏻‍♀️

You may not be able to confront the narcissist…so how can you release these feelings?

1️⃣ Write down EVERYTHING that you aren’t able to say out loud. No judgment.

2️⃣ Go into your closet by yourself and “confront” the toxic person. What would you say if they would just listen to you?

3️⃣ Move your body to allow that energy flow out of you…what movement would feel good to you? Dance, walk, yoga, weight lifting…listen to your body.

How are you going to release the negative feelings toward the toxic people in your life or past? Tell me below. 👇

We (women) are conditioned to be pleasant at all times. Especially in toxic relationship!

We change our appearances so men will find us desirable.

We subdue our personalities to keep our friends satisfied.

We mute our voices to keep our families comfortable.

We spend so much energy pretending, so that we will be chosen by someone who doesn’t want us as we truly are.

Let’s decide now, that we are worthy of showing up unfiltered in every area of our life.

And the people that fall away are just lightening the load and making room for the right people!

Raise your hand 🙋‍♀️ in the comments below if:
1)you’ve been carrying the dead weight of toxic relationships around &
2)you’re ready to see their rejection as a gift!

I knew in my gut that I was going to regret rushing into my first marriage.

I listened to fear instead of my intuition.

I didn’t want to be alone.

It didn’t take long to realize being with the wrong person is much more lonely than actually being alone.

That was an incredibly painful lesson to learn the hard way.

Now, when I feel a nudge within me I know to stop, pay attention, and listen intently.

My intuition leads me.

It’s how God speaks to me and through me.

And He’s never wrong.

Drop a 🙋‍♀️ below if you need to start trusting your intuition.

Narcissists are notorious for over-the-top displays of affection aka love bombing.

Love bombing can be used in different ways and for either a positive or negative purpose.

This may be a significant other, ex, or even a family member who is trying to get your attention and gain emotional control.

Once they receive the reaction they desire, they often disappear/ghost you.

Here are some methods of love bombing:

Luxury Trips
Lavish Gifts
Physical Affection
Love Notes
Flowers Delivered to Your Home & Workplace
Excessive Texts

If you have ever been love bombed drop ❤️💣 in the comments below!

Not everyone is going to understand why you don’t have a relationship with your family.

Or why you left the guy who seemed perfect on the outside.

It won’t make sense to them.

Because their experience is different.

Or maybe they aren’t willing to make themselves a priority.

Know this…

It’s not your responsibility to make sure everyone understands your boundaries.

It’s not your job to make sure people are comfortable with your choices.

Your responsibility is to yourself.

To your future.

To your mental and emotional health.

If you were take inventory of ALL your relationships would there be more checks under healthy relationships or toxic relationships?

Are you willing to do what it takes to create the healthy relationships you deserve?

And set the boundaries that are needed? 🙋‍♀️

I know it feels threatening to ask open ended questions like this after having toxic relationships.

There is a huge difference between healthy feedback and destructive criticism.

It takes courageous vulnerability to expand, deepen, and strengthen your relationship.

If you don’t have a healthy romantic partner at this time, try asking some of these q’s (or a version of them) with a trusted friend.

Raise your hand below if you are willing to push through the discomfort and get vulnerable?🙋‍♀️

@ Kirkland, Washington

This list could go on and on!

What would you add? 💁‍♀️👇

Toxic relationships take a toll on your self-esteem.

It takes time to build yourself back up so you start trusting in yourself, again.

Look at yourself in the mirror.

Say these words to yourself every day until you believe them.

🌸 Save this and come back to it as often as you need!

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could gather all the narcissists together and put them all on an island?

I would watch that reality show. 👏

There is still a grieving process when a toxic relationship ends.

There is damage that needs to heal, even when you are the one who chooses to step away.

Expecting to move on without any pain from complicated family, toxic friends, unhealthy romantic partnerships, etc is unrealistic.

Healing and setting boundaries that protect you from toxic situations in the future should be at the top of your list!

Choosing to do so is the highest form of self-respect and self-care.

Leave a 🙋‍♀️ below if you’re committed to heal from toxic past relationships and set boundaries to ensure healthy future relationships.

The damage of toxic relationships doesn’t go away just because you have broken away.

Toxic romantic, family, friend, in-law (etc) relationships have long lasting devastation that needs to be addressed, worked through and healed.

It’s worth breaking down your walls and allowing yourself to go through the dark night of the soul.

Heal those wounds so you can have the healthy relationships that desire and deserve.

You’re not alone in this journey. When you’re ready I’ll be her for you.

Drop a 💗 in the comments below if you have hope that you will heal from your past and have the most amazing relationships.

What have you typed into your search engine while dealing with difficult relationships?

Tell me below.👇💗 @ Redmond, Washington

Apologies do not erase history…sincere or not.

🌸 Share this!

You are allowed to accept an apology without welcoming someone fully back into your life and/or your inner circle.

If this is a relationship that you value and desire to preserve, then provide time and boundaries so trust can be restored…

In other words, put the relationship on probation.

This will protect you from the cycle of apology ➡️ honeymoon phase ➡️ unhealthy behaviors ➡️ broken trust ➡️ apology (every toxic relationship cycle is different).

Do you have some relationships that need to be on probation? Raise your hand below! 🙋‍♀️

When was the last time you got really good news?

News that gave you hope?

News that was life-changing and life-giving?

There is something so wonderful and great that lies ahead of your problems and pain.

There is a future full of hope for you.

Even if you aren’t able to see it for yourself.

I see it for you.

Take my hand.

You are not alone.

What would your life look like if you made the changes that you need to make?

How would you feel if you only had positive relationships?

Would you be at peace?

Would you be able to relax your shoulders?

Would you stop walking on eggshells?

What change would make the biggest impact on your life? Tell me in the comments below. 💗👇

Let’s be honest , you wouldn’t be caught dead with extensions like that.

So why are you staying in relationship with people who are toxic as hell?

It’s really not worth it!

Is it time to cut some people out of your life? Leave a 💇‍♀️🙅‍♀️ in the comments below if you need to set yourself free!

Have you ever been jealous of someone’s relationship?
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Did you wonder if they were really happy or if it was all just a show?
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During my first marriage I didn’t think it was possible that anyone was actually happy in their relationships.
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I was trying so hard to be the perfect wife and mother, but I still couldn’t figure out how to have a happy marriage.
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I now have a marriage that I thought only existed in romantic comedies.
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We work hard to have a great marriage.
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We have the uncomfortable conversations.
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We make each other’s needs a priority.
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We spend time laughing together.
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We listen to each other’s concerns.
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We respect our differences.
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We love unconditionally.
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We’re happy, because we work at this. Hard.
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And it’s so worth it.
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Drop a 💗 below if you’re holding onto hope for your dream relationship!

This is your daily reminder to walk away from conversations that cross your personal boundaries.

With love,
Marissa 💗

If you are dreading spending Thanksgiving with your toxic family, I’ve got you.

Come join my private women only Facebook community.

We are providing extra support and advice away form “prying eyes”.

Here is the link to request to join.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/368194661093591

You need to set some emotional boundaries if you feel resentment, anxious, drained, or defensive.

💁‍♀️ If you found this helpful I would so appreciate it if you tagged a girlfriend that needs this in the comments! 🌸

Ignoring my intuition has caused me more pain than I had thought possible.

My toxic first marriage which ended in divorce

Having to share custody and not be with my boys all the time

6 years of high-conflict co-parenting

Extra pressure on my new marriage

All that may have been avoided had I listened to my intuition 20 years ago…

So, when something feels sketchy to you, take a pause.

Listen to what your intuition is saying.

Dissect what is causing that feeling and reaction in you.

Make a decision based on your gut, not on fear, shame, or outside pressure, etc.

What version of my Alexis meme have you experienced? Tell me below!

Let me be very clear.

Boundaries are not selfish.

No matter what the toxic people around you say.

Boundaries keep you safe from danger.

Boundaries protect your peace of mind.

Boundaries show respect for yourself and others.

Boundaries allow more time for what you want to do and who you want to be with.

If you need extra encouragement and guidance in setting boundaries you need to schedule a 90 minute session with me.

We will work through all the situations and relationships you need help navigating. You can book a session by going to the link below.

https://calendly.com/marissamize/90-minute-urgent-care?month=2020-11

Let’s do this work before the holidays!

Here are just a few examples of different types of healthy boundaries you need.

⌚️ Time

🔥 Sexual

🗣 Verbal

👥 Physical

💵 Financial

🎭 Emotional

I will be breaking down each of these this week so you are able to better understand why and how you need to set these healthy boundaries in your life.

Which one do you need to address first? Tell me below!

Is it really worth having the tough, sweaty, and uncomfortable conversation to set boundaries?

YES!

Boundaries are important even when a relationship is healthy…without boundaries good relationships can turn toxic because unmet expectations can cause resentment.

Keep in mind, if you want people to respect your boundaries, you also need to respect the boundaries of others!

True relationships go both ways!

What have your boundaries given back to you?

Share in the comments below…🦋👇

I used to let people walk all over me. (recovering co-dependent here! ) ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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When my 12 year toxic marriage ended, I took a stand.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I was never again going to allow anyone to be disrespectful, dismissive, or mean to me. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Kindness became my greatest rule.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I was ruthless about enforcing it. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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My circle became small and safe.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I am now unapologetic about how I expect to be treated.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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So, if you can’t be kind, you can’t be in my life. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I know it’s really hard to stand up for yourself. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Sometimes you need someone to stand with you, until you are strong enough to stand up on your own. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I will stand with you. DM me. You are not alone.