Creating Presence

Perpetrators were once victims of the same ab*se of power they now wield over others.

If we want to end the cycles of v!olence that rule our world, we have to spend time helping perpetrators overcome the helplessness they were once subjected to.

This doesn’t mean we tolerate ab*sive behavior or dismiss its impact on others, but we do make an effort to understand where it’s coming from – from a systemic perspective. This is what makes prevention possible.

We’re all human. We all have a story. Some of the most troubled among us used to be the most helpless.

Perpetration is not a symbol of power – it’s a cry for help.

Therapeutic conditions should not be special, they should be the norm – in our homes, schools, hospitals, workplaces, prisons – ESPECIALLY any environment within the caring professions.

This does not mean that we turn all environments into “therapy” – we’re not asking managers to hold office hours to listen to their staff’s childhood struggles. This is far from a comprehensive representation of “therapy” anyways.

It’s recognizing that the basic conditions that make therapy successful are achievable anywhere – needed anywhere – and definitely shouldn’t be designated to the therapist’s office alone.

“Labels” can be tricky.

On the one hand, it’s important and helpful - from a clinical and personal perspective - to name what you are experiencing. For many, it is a relief.

On the other, without necessarily realizing it, that label can become an identity. It’s just “what you have” or “who you are” or “how you are”.

It can place you in a box and close the lid – you forget that you are not the box, and the box is not the whole world.

Sometimes labels influence how others treat us, and end up perpetuating a cycle in which we behave in the ways that align with our label, even if we are trying to do things differently. This is what a self-fulfilling prophecy looks like.

The response is not to forgo labels or reject all constructs that might explain what you’re going through.

Rather, it is to put labels in THEIR appropriate box as a piece of information about a person, rather than a description of the person.

It is to recognize the significant influence that our perspectives have on how we live our lives and impact each other.

Labels cannot do justice to the depth of every person. We owe it to ourselves and each other to honor our complexity and believe that we are more than what has happened to us.

This perspective shift is at the heart of trauma-informed care.