Boer Ma

You can’t hate yourself into a smaller body. I had to start cheering myself on instead of beating myself up.

🥣 Just a few bites of beef and noodles left.
It wasn’t bad — just… eating alone never really tastes good. The kids aren’t home, and the house is so quiet I can hear the fridge humming.
I thought about frying something comforting, but then I remembered what the doctor said: “You’re not as young as you used to be.”
So I stuck with lean beef and veggies — keeping it in check.
Losing weight isn’t the hardest part.
Feeling alone is.

🐴 Happy 5th Birthday, my sweet Jaxson. Watching you ride today — so brave, so focused — made me prouder than words can say.
🎂 Time really has flown. Seems like just yesterday you were learning to walk. And now here you are, riding tall on that big chestnut horse like a little champion.
But behind my smile today, there’s something I haven’t said out loud…
💔 I wish I could’ve run beside you, helped you brush the horse, maybe even climbed up to ride with you — but my knees can’t handle it anymore. My weight, the blood pressure meds, the shortness of breath… it all keeps me on the sidelines.
🏡 I stayed home this morning, resting on the porch, while the trailer pulled away. I waved and smiled, but inside I felt the ache of missing another moment I should’ve been part of.
This isn’t self-pity. It’s just truth.
Jaxson, if you ever read this one day: know that Grandma loves you more than anything. And I’m trying, baby. I really am — because I don’t want to keep missing these moments.
Love you always,
💚 Grandma

🚙 This morning, I stood at the kitchen window and watched them load up the trailer and head off for a beach trip. The kids were laughing, my husband checked the tires, set the GPS — everything looked so normal… except I wasn’t in the car.
🧍‍♀️A few years ago, I’d be right there with them — walking the trails, stopping at roadside farms, eating ice cream with the grandkids.
But now, the weight, high blood pressure, and a few heart scares later… I can barely get into the car, let alone keep up. Just walking to the mailbox leaves me winded. My legs are swollen, my boots don’t fit, and the doctor says I need to move more — but even small steps feel overwhelming.
🏠 The house is so quiet. I turn on the TV just to fill the silence. I don’t cook much anymore — what’s the point when you’re eating alone?
I’m not jealous of them… I just feel sad for myself.
How did I get to this point, where even sitting in the sun feels out of reach?
🥺 If you’ve ever felt “left behind”… I see you.
It’s not about giving up. It’s about not wanting to miss out anymore.
I don’t know where I’ll be a year from now — but I know this:
I don’t want to lose any more of the life I still have left.

🥄 It’s not that I don’t love the old comfort food… I just don’t dare anymore.
Tonight I forced myself to eat a stir-fry with shrimp, egg, and cabbage — barely any oil.
It might look good, but for me, every bite was a goodbye to late-night fried food and ice cream.
👩‍❤️‍👨 My husband’s already doing so much.I want to stay his partner — not become his patient.
🧍‍♀️ These days I need to rest halfway through Costco. I’ve failed so many times… but tonight, I didn’t give in.

🏍️ Jasper.
Feels like a lifetime ago.
That was me — leather jacket, wind in my face, chasing the highway like I had no limits.
Now? Just walking to the mailbox feels like a workout. The weight, the joints, the heart meds… they’ve slowed me down more than I’d like to admit.
Still wild at heart. Just… with a few more miles on the clock. ❤️