Andrea Abelbey Panic & Anxiety Coach

Don’t wait for the perfect moment to tell someone how much they mean to you. I’ve been blessed to marry into such a wonderful family. Gay is my sister-in-law but she’s far more than that. When I was raising my kids she was there for me a number of times. It was hard being far away from my mom. Gay was there so Ben and I could go on date nights. She was there when I had given birth to Brody. She brought me food and sat with me to keep me company. She also was there for me when I was suffering from massive anxiety and depression. She sat with me for hours just so I wasn’t alone. She never once made me feel like it was a bother. She’s been there for my boys. She takes care of Coolidge just like she does her own son. I look up to her as a mother, daughter and sister. Thank you for all that you do. I hope I give back what you give me.

I never knew the love my mom had for me until I had my kids. You truly never understand unconditional love until you have a child. And you never know how much you love your mom until she’s gone. My mom struggled with dying and talked about it daily with me. She knew she was very sick and knew each day could be her last. She didn’t struggle with dying because I think she was tired of fighting the disease. She struggled with leaving me. As a mom I completely get this because you never feel like you’ve taught them everything they need to know. And you worry that they will need you. So now I talk to her and let her know I’m good and to keep teaching me from heaven. I love you mom ❤️

I’m dedicating this month to love ❤️ posts. It’s important to love those in your life. Love those who support you and even those who don’t. Everyone needs love. So spread it around as much as possible. My first post is to my husband, my ride or die. I met him 28 years ago and he’s been through everything with me. I’m truly blessed to have him in my life. I asked God to bring me a good man and every night I go to sleep thanking God for him. He shows me love everyday. I’m not great at showing it back but I truly love you cutie more than you possibly know 😘 ❤️

I had dinner with an old friend and he apologized to me. He admitted to me that he didn’t take me seriously when I told him I was dealing with anxiety and depression. He felt I just wasn’t being strong enough. He now has someone close to him going through something similar and understands what I was going through. He said, “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.” I can’t tell you how wonderful it was to hear him say that. It is extremely difficult to tell your friends and family, the feelings of anxiety and depression you are having. It makes you very vulnerable and takes immense strength. I tell my story to anyone who is in my life because I know that someone may need to hear it to help them get through it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen the look of disappointment and discomfort in strangers, friends and families faces when I talk about my anxiety journey. I will continue to experience that because I know it will help someone out there who needs it. They may not need it in that moment but they may in the future. I hope anyone taking the time to read this post will also tell their story because you are not alone. ❤️

I remember the endless cycle of anxiety. Everyday I would wake up at 6am with my heart racing and dreading the day. I knew my family was depending on me but, all I wanted to do was stay in bed where I was safe. I knew I would have several panic attacks and that it would take all my energy to get through it. I wanted to rush through the day because I knew at 4pm my anxiety would subside. Only then could I finally relax. I dreaded bedtime because I knew that came morning it would start all over again. What kind of life is this? Every night I would pray to god for it to stop. But the problem with anxiety is that no one can make it stop but you. Once I understood this, and I put in the work, I was no longer suffering from anxiety— I was surviving anxiety. It’s important for you to know that anxiety never goes away, it’s how you respond to it that changes your life.

This is my first solo flight in 10 years. I told myself after my panic attack while boarding a flight home from Las Vegas that I would never do it again alone. Well here I am flying alone from nyc and I’m not gonna lie I had some anxiety. I’m posting this because I want those who have anxiety to know that don’t let fear and anxiety stop you. When the opportunity arose for me to fly my first instinct was to say no. But I remembered that anxiety no longer controls me. The more you tell your brain it is safe the more your brain stops trying to protect you from things that shouldn’t be scary.

Most people when they get a gift of a free hotel in Hawaii would be super excited. Not me! Not when you have anxiety and your fear is flying. I was mad because I had to do it. Nobody would understand my fear because I don’t even understand it. My fear…is fear. I fear…fear!

So I did it. Because I had to. I had massive anxiety up until the fight and especially driving to the airport! And then when I got there I had the best time. It was one of the best vacations I’ve ever been on. I didn’t let fear stop me. Don’t get me wrong it was very hard and sometimes ridiculously uncomfortable but I did it. And taught my brain I was safe even when I felt I wasn’t. I didn’t pass out! I didn’t throw up! I didn’t have a hard attack! I didn’t crap my pants! I now look at these photos of our Hawaii trip and am reminded of how much fun we had and it’s a reminder of another step towards freeing myself from fear.

We spend years creating bad habits and protecting them but once we realize they are a problem and want to change. We expect them fixed in a couple days.

Changing something you’ve done for years takes a lot of hard work and time. Think if it like a garden. You have to water it and nurture it and most importantly be patient because it takes time. All your work will be worth it.

The hardest part is that you bad habit gave you comfort and changing it makes you uncomfortable. Don’t let that stop you.

The first time I felt out of control and massive anxiety is when I brought my son home. It is also the first time I started to avoid what I would normally do naturally. I had no idea that what I was doing was creating fears and making them harder to deal with. Up until the birth of my son I lived life with no plan and no what if. The day he came home, the what if was front and center. “What if I leave the house and I can’t get him to stop crying?” “What if I can’t breast feed?” “What will people think of me?” None of which I could control and if I stay home I stay in control of my feelings. I had no idea that avoiding those fears were going to be the root of my anxiety and panic attacks.