07/08/2025
Itās definitely a thingā¦š
So the soiling of the nest is a real thing. Whereby your newly minted graduate takes a scorched earth approach at home, thereby making it easier for them to leave and assert some independence.
Does this sound familiar?
Itās indeed a weird summer for them ā an even weirder one for us parents.
I simultaneously want to hold them tighter but occasionally crave dropping them off in a field and driving away.
And I knew this was coming to some extent with child number two.
But Iām like an old football knee injury. I can sense the storm is coming long before it hits, but I still canāt do anything to stop it.
The storm has arrived. And there are some universal truths regarding kids about to leave the nest in our house.
When teens soil the nest before they leave for college
1. They already know everything
I canāt tell you how relaxing it is to live with someone (or two or three) who already knows EVERYTHING about the universe.
And yet is suffering from some acute amnesia and is unable to remember how to address an envelope, set the alarm, call to make an appointment, replace a roll of toilet paper or pick up a wet towel.
2. They are critical
The way we do things around here apparently sucks. I thought we were doing a decent job.
Roof over our heads. Refrigerator full of food. Itās like a hotel over here.
Not a luxury hotel. No pool. But a solid extended-stay hotel with a Keurig. The things you need are here.
However, these teenagers assure me that when they leave they will live better, faster, bigger, cleaner, and more organized. To achieve these goals I highly recommend they donāt have children of their own.
3. They are emotional tornadoes
One foot in their old life and one foot in their new one.
I thought we were done with the reminders when the high school grad cap flew in the air. But Iāve replaced it with the college reminders.
Itās chaos as they navigate this stage of being in between. So I try some reminders.
They have a lot of on their plates working, seeing friends and family, saying goodbyes, preparing for fall. My reminders? Futile. All met with, āI already know.ā *Please see #1
4. They have romanticized getting out into the world
Everything will be perfect in college.
The grass is already greener even though they havenāt yet seen the grass. Yikes. I donāt want to crush their dream but I do want to temper their enthusiasm with reality from time to time.
They are about to move in with a stranger. Learn a new system. Take classes in subjects they never imagined. Navigate a new city. Make mistakes, plenty of them.
I guess my husband and I have made adulthood look SO FUN, they cannot wait.
For those of you who are living Instagrammable summers with cheerful, helpful children who take long walks with you holding your hand, please scroll on by. You wonāt understand this content, and it may make you fearful or, worse yet, smug. This is for the rest of us.
5. I know it gets better
It gets better. I know it does because I have a 21-year-old daughter who has a psychology internship this summer working with children. The other day she came home and lamented that,
āThe kids complain even though we plan all these special things for them and take them amazing places. They spend so much energy just complaining about everything. You canāt imagine how annoying it is.ā
Oh.but.I.can.sweet.girl.I.really.can.
She is on her way to getting it.
by Jen LarsenFortner
