Nikas Speaks of Recovery

FINDING MY WAY HOME VOL 5

DO YOU LIVE IN THE TRUTH OF DEATH - OR ARE YOU LIVING IN DENIAL OF DEATH ???

Honest discussions of death, require a natural ability to accept death as the normal consequence of having lived life in the first place.

Dishonest discussions of death simply require an inability to accept death as the truth of reality. Basically, to live in fear of death and reject all the many gifts that death has to offer.

FINDING MY WAY HOME VOL 3 DISCUSSIONS OF DEATH

SPIRITUAL AWAKENING IN THE CONTEXT OF RECOVERY

I’m sure there will be a few more… but just in case 😘

FINDING MY WAY HOME

“My religion is to live—and die—without regret.” ~ Milarepa

My video teachings are always Divinely inspired, and usually direct reflections of things or events that are currently unfolding in my life.

I have "aha moments" and then the Universe finds a way for me to share these events in a way that is often quite relatable to others. As it would seem, the human experience, is by and large, a very similar experience 🙏🏼

THE ART OF LISTENING Nikas shares his direct, and personal experiences, regarding finding individuals who are well-versed in the art of listening."Listening," when practiced with...

MY BLESSING OF A CANCER DIAGNOSIS

I must say, I'm genuinely astonished at how surrendered I've been through this entire Cancer process. Mind you, my life has already given me over the years some pretty unique educational situations to discover how to let go of 'what was' - and to be comfortable with 'what is.'

But still, you're never quite sure just how you'll react at the moment when the rubber hits the road. When push comes to shove, and you find yourself faced with an entirely new life-altering challenge.

It was beautiful to watch myself letting go of 'what was' no longer to be, yet QUICKLY get comfortable with the new reality of 'what is' life becoming.

I've come to see life as a beautiful institution for teaching me the lesson of relinquishing things. The things I've come to regard as my life, the stuff, and the pieces I've perceived to define me as "my life."

Don't get me wrong, it's a heck of a lot of fun acquiring, collecting, having, and enjoying my body, health, relationships, and things.

But as The Buddha says: all things are impermanent. And at some point in life — life begins to take these things away from us item by item. And in our transitional death process - our youth, our health, mobility, and eventually, everything gets ripped away all at once.

So life, it turns out, is our primary school, our introductory course, preparing us to learn how to let go of things with Grace. I've learned to appreciate that I came into this world with nothing, and I will leave this world with nothing.

Nothing except for a FEARLESS HEART for whatever comes next, and a life filled with Grace, Gratitude, and a Wisdom, that I never imagined possible.

Life can also be a higher learning academy of sorts, and the more I apply myself and study, the easier my life becomes on a day-to-day basis.

My humble advice; PAY ATTENTION!! You are not a victim; you are a lucky student that can benefit greatly - "IF" - you pay attention.

~ Blessings

“Sponsoring” - occasionally includes discussion with a sponsee’s family, spouses, and even sometimes a sponsee’s work.

And sponsoring the family, does not end even if a sponsee ends up dying in the process. Offering Spiritual Support may be warranted for years to come, depending upon the needs of the family relationship.

~ Blessings

POWERLESSNESS REIMAGINED

When Drinking Is No Longer Your First Problem

So you've racked up some recovery time, and yet you're noticing that you still don't have the freedom from the bo***ge of self that you instinctively know is available. You've discovered the problem was never really your drinking. But, instead, the real problem you've found has always been your thinking. Which, by the way, was the primary cause of your drinking. Life has gotten good again, but deep down inside, somehow, you know there's more to your recovery.

My humble offering here; is the proposition that "powerlessness" just might be revealing itself in entirely new and unexpected ways. And this possibility just might be the biggest challenge that you now face in your recovery.

Here we go - try this little exercise:

DO NOT PICTURE A YELLOW SCHOOL BUS IN YOUR MIND?

How'd that go for ya? I assume not very well. It's a simple exercise to show how our immediate first thoughts are not within the realm of our control. Can we agree that we are powerless over random thoughts just popping up in our heads? Not necessarily powerless over what happens next, but can we just agree that most initial unique thoughts just randomly appear by chance?

Now, some of you might say, "Nikas, these are just random thoughts, and who cares if I'm powerless against my first thought? I have thoughts and ideas all the time that I don't go out and act upon. In fact, this is a prime example of having my will restored as promised in Step 10. I am again a responsible adult, and I'm fully accountable for all my life's choices and actions."

Next question: Are you? Really?

Let's gets honest here for a moment; when's the last time you showed some anger, frustration, or hurt feelings towards another person? Or, for that matter, spontaneously laughed at a silly joke someone told you? Were these all "conscious choices" that you made resulting in showing some outward demeanor? And by conscious choices of outward demeanor, I mean a physical or emotional reaction that others can see and react to. Not just the internal private thoughts that roll around in your head, unacted upon that don't affect others.

My point is - every day, our inner-thought-world collides with our external-reality-world. And our external-reality-world is where the rubber hits the road. This is where our raw self shows itself and creates the landscapes of how our lives really look and feel.

They are the little moments that show others the content and character and who we actually are. Even our slightest reactions give glimpses into our internal motives, fears, resentments, or regrets.

The process goes like this:

Our firmly held beliefs > determine our thoughts. > Our thoughts then > determine our actions, and then> our actions (or inactions) = determine the outcomes and situations of our lives.

So - if you're currently not happy with a particular outcome or situation in your life, just follow the process backward.

Ask yourself, "What was the action I took" that got me to where I am now? Once you see, "I had a part in taking that action," then the next question to ask yourself is this, "What was the specific thought I was thinking that led me to take that action I took?"

Then, see if you can determine what belief, believed storyline, or narrative made you think whatever you were thinking was a right or relevant way of thinking? This part, for me, is one of the trickier parts. It means seeing through my mind's ongoing thought puzzles and not just trusting or reacting to my first initial beliefs. And if I can't immediately see any underlying belief, I pray it to be shown to me.

As most of you know who've been around here for a while, we don't have drinking problems; we have thinking problems. Everything always comes down to what "I think" or if "I believe my thoughts to be true."

THIS IS MY PROBLEM, and it certainly isn't limited to my sobriety, my recovery, or putting the plug in the jug. My believed thinking has been, and still can be, an incredibly pervasive force in my life. The powerlessness of believing our thinking is found throughout A.A. and outside the rooms as well. It's a human condition that does not discriminate against alcoholics alone.

Maybe, as alcoholics, we've been so blessed to no longer believe our false thoughts of alcohol or how we can safely drink again? However, stone-cold sober, our believed thoughts still drive our daily waves of anger, our deep resentments, our hidden fears, and our regrets. Believing our thoughts - is what causes all our resistances and oppositions in life. They are the precise things that don't allow us to be in harmony with God's world and rob us of our innate sense of serenity. Believing in our thoughts causes every single dang problem we ever have in our lives. .

So, what the heck do we do about this mess of thinking? Well, the solution I've found is two-fold, and thankfully, it's directly rooted in the Program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

FIRST, Awareness is the key. BUT THEN, and just as important, is to recognize whether the thoughts I'm thinking are true or not. Am I perceiving reality as reality is? Or am I misperceiving reality - and instead, thinking reality should be - what it is not?

Silly as it may sound, being aware of your mind's thoughts 'in real-time' is the easiest way to catch yourself before you do or say something that you might regret. And undoubtedly, before you find yourself needing to make an amends.

However, it is also imperative to recognize if your thoughts are actually true; or just mere fabrications of your mind. This takes some internal investigation on your part, which means asking some challenging and uncomfortable questions about your current lines of thinking.

The first obvious question is to ask yourself Is, "Is this thought I'm thinking the complete truth?" Or is this thought just my opinion, my wish, or my desire for what I want? Is this thought void of personal motivations, or am I just thinking I'm right because I want - what I want? Everything comes down to a line on Pg. 62 in the B.B. of A.A. "Selfishness, self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles."

Once I've determined if my thinking is untrue, fictional, or coming from a place of selfish motivation, I then have an opportunity to take the next wise step with Awareness. A move that might result in me doing or saying nothing. Possibly, it's about taking a deep surrender breath and then saying something different than I would have said before. There are infinite possibilities when I just let go of "my thoughts" as being "the only source of truth there is."

But here's the catch:

"Self" is a sneaky thing; again, from page 62 from the B.B. of A.A., "Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God's help."

Okay, follow me here - A thinking mind that is thinking and believing what it is thinking; is entirely uninterested in helping you catch its "self" in thinking! Got that? (If not reread)

If you understand this, then you'll know there's probably some action required on your part. Well, actually, by action, what I really mean is in-action. The action you're going to take is to "Let God's Grace" keep you in a state of Awareness by praying for that Awareness every single morning.

Remember - God can do everything you can't do for yourself or are currently having difficulties doing. But the action required on your part is you must ask. Meaning; you have to pray for the Awareness you seek. The daily prayer I use for this is simple:

"God, please give me moment-to-moment consciousness throughout this day. A real-time sense of Awareness that I might immediately recognize my mind's insane thinking. And then, God, please give me the courage and the strength to not follow, nor carry those crazy thoughts into any situations or relationships throughout my day. Please Intuitively guide me with Your alternative and Divine path forward. Amen."

I must say, ever since I've used this prayer and "Allowed God" to remind me of my crazy thinking and give me another way forward, IT HAS WORKED!?!

There is a saying: "You can't think your way out of the problem; BECAUSE THINKING IS THE PROBLEM."

So, to wrap this up:

I'm still powerless over my initial first thoughts, and I'm sometimes powerless over my outward demeanor and transgressions due to my unreliable thinking. I hardly ever check to see if my thoughts are true, and even if I do, I still may decide not to alter my reactions or actions.

This often causes me suffering, pain, and even regret in my life. And as a stone-cold sober member of A.A. with a reasonable amount of time, I'm still not living the "Happy, Joyous, and Free" life that has been Promised. I frequently get stuck in my head, wrapped up in storylines that always revolve around me and what I want or don't want.

Realizing this is a self-imposed mess, I ask God for Awareness in my life. God grants me Awareness, and I accept it and practice it. I regularly start to see the absurdity of my mind's selfish ways. I stop taking actions born out of ridiculous self-centered falsehoods. Day by day, I start seeing the results of Awareness and how God is directly working in my life.

My faith in my Intuition fortifies into TRUST. My Gratitude now has a new and profound sense of meaning. I can relax into knowing that God's got me and that I no longer need to struggle and rely on the powerlessness of my own thinking. I can now exhale and breathe deeply and simply rely upon, and follow, my Inherent Inner Divine Guidance. I've found a new Freedom and a New Happiness.

Any dissatisfaction in my life, I clearly see, is of my own making. The "calls of crisis" are always coming from the absurd thoughts inside my head. But the answer now is to just STOP TRUSTING MY THOUGHTS and let go absolutely.

Once I let go absolutely, I'm able to go big - I can go GOD BIG - and get out of that teeny-weenie-tiny-limited-space called my head.

Or, as Bill W. calls it, "Being relieved of the bo***ge of self."

Blessings, Nikas.

“The Next Frontier: Emotional Sobriety” by Bill Wilson

I think that many oldsters who have put our AA "booze cure" to severe but successful tests still find they often lack emotional sobriety. Perhaps they will be the spearhead for the next major development in AA -- the development of much more real maturity and balance (which is to say, humility) in our relations with ourselves, with our fellows, and with God.

Those adolescent urges that so many of us have for top approval, perfect security, and perfect romance -- urges quite appropriate to age seventeen -- prove to be an impossible way of life when we are at age forty- seven or fifty-seven.

Since AA began, I've taken immense wallops in all these areas because of my failure to grow up, emotionally and spiritually. My God, how painful it is to keep demanding the impossible, and how very painful to discover finally, that all along we have had the cart before the horse! Then comes the final agony of seeing how awfully wrong we have been, but still finding ourselves unable to get off the emotional merry-go-round.

How to translate a right mental conviction into a right emotional result, and so into easy, happy, and good living -- well, that's not only the neurotic's problem, it's the problem of life itself for all of us who have got to the point of real willingness to hew to right principles in all our affairs.

Even then, as we hew away, peace and joy may still elude us. That's the place so many of us AA oldsters have come to. And it's a hell of a spot, literally. How shall our unconscious -- from which so many of our fears, compulsions and phony aspirations still stream -- be brought into line with what we actually believe, know and want! How to convince our dumb, raging and hidden "Mr. Hyde" becomes our main task.

I've recently come to believe that this can be achieved. I believe so because I begin to see many benighted ones -- folks like you and me -- commencing to get results. Last autumn [several years back -- ed.] depression, having no really rational cause at all, almost took me to the cleaners. I began to be scared that I was in for another long chronic spell. Considering the grief I've had with depressions, it wasn't a bright prospect.

I kept asking myself, "Why can't the Twelve Steps work to release depression?" By the hour, I stared at the St. Francis Prayer..."It's better to comfort than to be the comforted." Here was the formula, all right. But why didn't it work?

Suddenly I realized what the matter was. My basic flaw had always been dependence -- almost absolute dependence – on people or circumstances to supply me with prestige, security, and the like. Failing to get these things according to my perfectionist dreams and specifications, I had fought for them. And when defeat came, so did my depression.

There wasn't a chance of making the outgoing love of St. Francis a workable and joyous way of life until these fatal and almost absolute dependencies were cut away.

Because I had over the years undergone a little spiritual development, the absolute quality of these frightful dependencies had never before been so starkly revealed. Reinforced by what Grace I could secure in prayer, I found I had to exert every ounce of will and action to cut off these faulty emotional dependencies upon people, upon AA, indeed, upon any set of circumstances whatsoever.

Then only could I be free to love as Francis had. Emotional and instinctual satisfactions, I saw, were really the extra dividends of having love, offering love, and expressing a love appropriate to each relation of life.

Plainly, I could not avail myself of God's love until I was able to offer it back to Him by loving others as He would have me. And I couldn't possibly do that so long as I was victimized by false dependencies.

For my dependency meant demand -- a demand for the possession and control of the people and the conditions surrounding me.

While those words "absolute demand" may look like a gimmick, they were the ones that helped to trigger my release into my present degree of stability and quietness of mind, qualities which I am now trying to consolidate by offering love to others regardless of the return to me.

This seems to be the primary healing circuit: an outgoing love of God's creation and His people, by means of which we avail ourselves of His love for us. It is most clear that the current can't flow until our paralyzing dependencies are broken, and broken at depth. Only then can we possibly have a glimmer of what adult love really is.

Spiritual calculus, you say? Not a bit of it. Watch any AA of six months working with a new Twelfth Step case. If the case says "To the devil with you," the Twelfth Stepper only smiles and turns to another case. He doesn't feel frustrated or rejected. If his next case responds, and in turn starts to give love and attention to other alcoholics, yet gives none back to him, the sponsor is happy about it anyway. He still doesn't feel rejected; instead he rejoices that his one-time prospect is sober and happy. And if his next following case turns out in later time to be his best friend (or romance) then the sponsor is most joyful. But he well knows that his happiness is a by-product -- the extra dividend of giving without any demand for a return.

The really stabilizing thing for him was having and offering love to that strange drunk on his doorstep. That was Francis at work, powerful and practical, minus dependency and minus demand.
In the first six months of my own sobriety, I worked hard with many alcoholics. Not a one responded. Yet this work kept me sober. It wasn't a question of those alcoholics giving me anything. My stability came out of trying to give, not out of demanding that I receive.

Thus I think it can work out with emotional sobriety. If we examine every disturbance we have, great or small, we will find at the root of it some unhealthy dependency and its consequent unhealthy demand. Let us, with God's help, continually surrender these hobbling demands. Then we can be set free to live and love; we may then be able to Twelfth Step ourselves and others into emotional sobriety.

Of course I haven't offered you a really new idea -- only a gimmick that has started to unhook several of my own "hexes" at depth. Nowadays my brain no longer races compulsively in either elation, grandiosity or depression. I have been given a quiet place in bright sunshine.

~ Bill Wilson

© Copyright, AA Grapevine, January 1958