Truer Love

👩‍❤️‍👨Today marks 5 years of marriage for us and it’s funny how different our love feels than I always imagined.

Back when I was deep in fantasy thinking, I would have given anything to receive grand gestures of love.

💞I’d picture them throwing a rock at my window in the middle of the night after a disagreement to apologize and say they couldn’t sleep without me.

💞I’d imagine them showing up at the airport after a break up to tell me they couldn’t live without me.

💞I’d fantasize that they’d surprise me with a proposal in front of all my family and friends to declare their love for all to see.

But all of these fantasies were just my deep need for validation; to be seen and reassured that I was worthy of being loved.

True love—healthy attachment—isn’t about the grand gestures of validation, but rather, the smallest of gestures of appreciation, every single day.

💗It’s realizing how patient they are being when you’re on your period and crying over dropping your fork.

💗It’s them getting you your favorite snack at the grocery store without you even asking.

💗It’s their willingness to acknowledge when they were short tempered, giving you permission to do the same.

All of these little moments can so easily get missed, but they add up to a lifetime of love.

If I could go back and tell my single self anything, it would be to let go of the idea of my perfect person in my head and let myself be surprised by the perfect person FOR ME.

Someone who I don’t need grand gestures from because their little gestures fill my cup every day.

Someone who treats well even in the hard moments, who is just as quick to apologize as he sho make me laugh.

💫This is why I created my conscious dating membership, The Secure Love Members’ Circle—to help women just like me choose partners who will show up for them—until death do you part.

Receive a free month and pay just $22 a month after that when you sign up now 💗

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We had an amazing masterclass on Demystifying Feminine & Masculine Energy for Secure Dating on Monday night, where we busted disempowering myths about the role feminine energy plays in a healthy relationship, and showed the connection between being in feminine or “flow” energy (as opposed to masculine or “fixed” energy”) and dating from a secure place.

And we got asked a really important question.

“Can the woman lead emotionally?”

Most women do lead emotionally, and that’s understandable, given the lack of social support we give men around expressing and understanding their emotions. But some women do this to their own peril, waiting indefinitely for their partner to meet their emotional needs.

So where is the line? When is it ok to “teach” someone, and when is it a fruitless pursuit?

This is where an understanding of Attachment Theory is key.

The more we’re around secure people, the more secure we will feel, and the more we’re around insecure people, the more insecure we will feel, especially if we’re already moving through the world with an insecure style.

This is why I say that two things can happen in dating when you’re moving into secure attachment: 1) You attract more secure people who also want to be with someone secure 2)You inspire insecure people to meet you where you’re at (or move on more quickly from the ones who won’t).

So YES, women can lead emotionally, and YES, you can date people who are insecurely attached (no one is 100% secure anyway). If someone is highly dismissive-avoidant, chances are they aren’t going to be as willing to hear you and meet your needs as someone who is only somewhat dismissive-avoidant.

No matter what their attachment style is, the important thing to pay attention to is, how do they respond when you express your needs in a calm, kind, and secure way? Are they receptive? Understanding? Reassuring? Or do they dismiss you, blame you, judge you, or completely ignore what you’re saying?

At the end of the day, it’s the polarity between two people who are leading in equal but different ways that creates the secure connection, the attraction, and the balance that allows the relationship to thrive.

💗Meet Loretta Chak, one of our Secure Love Coaches and co-instructor of our Demystifying Feminine & Masculine Energy for Secure Dating masterclass, taking place on March 31st!

Why is so special?

To start, because she’s an ICF-accredited, certified coach with a decade of experience helping clients date with more confidence, ease, and enjoyment.

What’s more is that she specializes in helping women use their natural, feminine energy to feel more self-assured and less anxious while dating.

Having overcome her own relationship challenges, she’s taking what she’s learned on her own personal journey of meeting her sweet husband, Ernest, as well as her expert knowledge as a coach, to share tools for you to do the same in our upcoming, free masterclass, Demystifying Feminine & Masculine Energy for Secure Dating.

Join us as we bust common myths about the role feminine & masculine energy play in manifesting a lasting relationship, and provide you with tangible tools to attract a loving partner who is ready to SHOW UP and love you the way you deserve to be loved!

You’ll leave this masterclass with an understanding of:

💞 What feminine & masculine energy is (and isn’t)

💞 How these energies relate to attachment styles & secure dating

💞 How to infuse more feminine energy into your dating journey

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Do you ever see a woman who looks really happy with her partner and wonder, “what does she have that I don’t?”

I used to wonder this all the time when I was single, and it caused me a lot of pain and confusion.

It made me wonder if I was attractive enough, sexy enough, feminine enough, or worthy enough for someone to choose me.

Now that I am one of those women, I realize that I was already all of those things, I just didn’t understand how to access them when I was feeling insecure.

I KNOW I’m not the only women to have felt this before, which is why I’m hosting a free masterclass this coming Monday, 3/31 — to share all the things I wish I knew about it being my most confident, feminine self in the dating world.

Join me and for Demystifying Feminine & Masculine Energy for Secure Dating and leave knowing how to tap into your natural magnetism!

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Feeling grateful for everyone who shared space at our Intention Setting Circle this evening as we planted the seeds for love to blossom this spring! 🌺

In case you missed it, you can find the link in my bio!

Our circle included:

✨ A self-reflective journaling prompt to give you clarity on the next step you need to take to manifest a loving relationship

✨ A simple meditation to ground you in your intentions to invite love into your life

✨ An inspiring card pull to connect you to your intuition

Let me know what you took away from it in the comments below! 👇

In these challenging times, we can’t lose sight of what’s important.

Other humans.

Laughter. Love.

Connection.

These are the things we look back on when it’s all said and done.

These are the things that get us through, and that make everything else worth doing.

Join us live tonight at 5pm PT / 8pm ET for our monthly love manifestation circle to awaken your confidence that love is flowing towards you.

Our circle will include:

✨ A self-reflective journaling prompt to give you clarity on the next step you need to take to manifest a loving relationship

✨ A simple meditation to ground you in your intentions to invite love into your life

✨ An inspiring card pull to connect you to your intuition

Please bring your undivided attention and something to write with 💗

Join us in the Zoom room or in the Manifesting Secure Love facebook group!

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This may be an unpopular opinion, but I’m grateful to myself today.

Grateful to still be believing in myself even if all my dreams haven’t yet materialized.

Grateful for always trying to see the good in myself and others.

Grateful that I was brave enough to open my heart to another human being, that I trusted myself to choose someone who I would have passed up in my youth, but who brings me more peace and joy than I could have imagined in the years that matter.

I’m grateful for my passion, my voice, my bravery, and my dedication to helping others express this for themselves.

I’m grateful that I am always looking beyond the horizon to the next sunrise., the next possibility, the next adventure, because it keeps my life exciting and my spirit light.

We are often programmed and expected to look outside ourselves for gratitude, but I think true gratitude starts inside ourselves, and spreads like wildfire from there. It’s from this place that we inspire, achieve, create, and love.

With this in mind, what are you grateful to yourself for today?

2024