Kelly Carney

I was having coffee with a friend when she told me this story about her son and his teacher. It keeps coming back to me, as I’m working with clients who are trying to navigate tricky dynamics with their kids’ teachers and school teams.

This mom was trying to decide if, when, and how to tell her son's teacher about his recent Autism diagnosis. She knew she didn't *have to*. But things at school weren't going well, and she didn't know how to ask for more patience, more understanding, more grace — without giving more context. So she took a chance.

And it paid off! The conversation went well, the supports were adjusted, and the child earned his best report card in a long time. But beyond that, my friend walked away with something longer-lasting: real faith that her son’s school team could show up for him.

I know not every educator responds this well (though I wish they did!) I'm not trying to oversimplify, or say everything will be fixed by having one conversation. After all, not every parent-teacher relationship has the safety or trust that makes this kind of conversation possible. And of course, every Autistic person and family’s experience is different!! There is no one-size-fits-all here (there never is!)

BUT when there is enough trust built up? These honest (and ongoing!) conversations are how Autism acceptance actually happens.

You’ve done the research. You’ve joined the groups. You’ve shown up to every meeting with too much anxiety and not enough sleep. Each time hoping this time it will be different and things will start clicking into place.

And you still leave feeling like you’re the only one who actually knows your kid.

The problem isn’t that you’re not doing enough. It’s really not.

When IEP teams get stuck, having someone in the middle who speaks both “parent” and “school team,” can change everything. Not because the people change, but because the dynamic does.

Being able to attend IEP meetings about your kid without re-explaining your child for the fifth time. Reading the drafts with YOUR input already written, and sitting down to the table seeing YOUR emails already printed and read, completely changes a parent’s experience of attending an IEP meeting about their own child.

Let me help you find your voice and make it heard! 💛

Click the link to my calendar in bio to schedule your free call.

Over the years, I have sat at different seats at the IEP table. I have also been in different rooms before the meeting.

Sometimes it was the therapy room with other related service providers. Sometimes I was in the classroom, giving the new teacher a pep talk before a big meeting. Sometimes it was a conference room with the administrator and district attorney giving the whole team our “marching orders.”

Now, before an IEP meeting, I’m giving the *parents* a pep talk (on the phone or in the parking lot)!

What I’ve seen evidence of over and over, in my various roles, is that the school team often knows more than they’re saying out loud in the actual meeting.

Not because they WANT to hide things from parents, don’t care about your child, or aren’t trying to do the right thing. But because of the very real constraints – administrative directives, liability concerns, unspoken norms – that shape what gets put on the official record and what doesn’t.

I’m not saying this to criticize the whole system or all administrators. I’m being honest about how it works.

The parents (and their students) who get the most out of the IEP process are often those with the loudest voice and the most privilege.

But those things are not required! What IS required is understanding the “game” well enough to move strategically – who to ask, what to request, and how to do it in a way that keeps relationships intact.

That’s what this post is about. Four things your school team might wish they could tell you, what you can do with that information, and how to take it further by working together.

Save this info for yourself. Share it with a parent who needs it. And if you’re ready to stop navigating this mess alone, let’s talk.

Link in bio to schedule a free consultation.

I see that stack of forms on your counter.

The consent forms, the rating scales, the questionnaires… from the psychologist (probably?), from the developmental pediatrician… for you to fill out, for the teachers to complete, for grandparents to weigh in on.

You’ve been asking for extra help for months. Your daughter is falling further behind. You finally got a meeting and they asked you a bunch of questions. They said you’d meet again soon! But you’re not even sure what just happened or if it counts as an “official evaluation.”

And now the forms keep coming home, shoved in the backpack between homework papers you’re already having a hard time keeping track of.

Here’s the truth: You shouldn’t have to be a project manager just to get your child evaluated.

Yet somehow, that’s exactly what’s expected.

As the parent, you’re expected to know who you’re returning each form to, understand how they’re being used in the evaluation, provide answers without knowing the context, explain to your mother-in-law what this is even for and why it’s important, and keep it all straight WHILE working, parenting, and trying not to lose your mind.

What you actually need is someone to help you understand what all these forms are for, explain what happens after you turn them in, create a system so nothing falls through the cracks, and translate what the evaluation results actually mean for your child.

You need clarity, organization, and a plan—not another list of things you’re supposed to figure out on your own.

This is exactly what I help with. I help parents make sense of the paperwork avalanche, understand what’s happening at each stage, keep track of who needs what and when, and prepare for what comes next.

You don’t have to navigate this alone.

If you’re drowning in forms and have no idea what you’re supposed to do with them (or if you know someone who is), let’s talk.

Free 20-minute consult. Link in bio.

Hi! I’m Kelly Carney. I’m a Master IEP Coach® & Education Consultant. I work with clients who need help and guidance navigating special education.

I help parents who value collaboration over confrontation, want professional guidance without getting a reputation for being “difficult,” and who want emotional support alongside practical strategy.

If you or anyone you know might benefit from support with their child’s IEP or 504 plan, I’d be so grateful if you would please share my information with them!

Visit Kelly-carney.com or send me a DM to learn more.

Here’s what I believe: Your child does best when parents and schools work together as true partners—with open communication, honest questions, real feedback, and collaborative problem-solving.

But here’s the problem: Everyone thinks being a “team player” means playing nice and not rocking the boat.

So parents hold back questions, saving their energy for the “big asks.”

And teachers avoid difficult conversations while problems snowball.

Neither approach serves your child.

Real teamwork looks different. It means:
✔️ Framing concerns clearly and respectfully
✔️ Knowing when to give grace and when to escalate
✔️ Knowing when to push and when to wait
✔️ Keeping everyone focused on what actually matters: your child’s progress

This kind of teamwork—where everyone gives and takes, shares and receives, all in your child’s best interest? POINT This is what I help clients create! 🤝

If you’re trying to figure out how to be both a team player AND a strong advocate…
If you’re trying to get your learner’s educational team back on track after a rough first half of the school year…

LET’S TALK. Comment TEAMWORK on this post and I’ll send you a link to schedule a call. 🔗

I’ve worked with parents who felt frustrated that none of the accommodations from the giant list they fought so hard are actually happening in the classroom. 😩

AND I’ve worked with teachers who pulled me aside after the IEP meeting, to *thank* me for helping the team come up with an accommodation plan the teacher can actually DO in the context of their classroom. 🙏

This advocacy gap is too common — Parents are told to “fight for everything you can get.” And then teachers are left thinking (but afraid to say out loud in the meeting) “How am I supposed to consistently implement 15 different accommodations for one student??”

Both parents and teachers are trying their best. Both parents and teachers care about the child!

Here’s the shift that will change your IEP and 504 meetings:
❌ From: “Can you think of any more accommodations he might benefit from?”
✅ To: “Let’s identify the 3-5 strategies that will actually move the needle for MY child and their needs right NOW.”

❌ From: “I hope the teacher and paras actually read this and do it.”
✅ To: “I know we have a plan for tracking what’s working and what isn’t.”

❌ From: “I’m assuming everything’s working because I haven’t heard anything since the last IEP meeting.”
✅ To: “I was about to email the teacher asking for an update, but she reached out to me first! I’m so glad we set up that communication plan as part of the IEP.”

⭐️ A shorter list of targeted strategies that teachers and paras can actually use
⭐️ A plan to track data
⭐️ Collaboration throughout the year.

☝️ These are some of the strategies that will keep your child’s IEP from being just another stack of papers gathering dust on your teacher’s desk.

👉 Swipe through this post to see why quality > quantity when it comes to IEP and 504 accommodations.

Special education happens EVERYWHERE, not just in one designated room! As an experienced school-based SLP and AAC Specialist, I provided IEP services in all these settings and more - because special education is a SERVICE, not a PLACE.

Parents: If your gut is telling you your child’s services could be provided in more inclusive settings, you’re probably right. Your child deserves to learn alongside peers while still receiving the support they need.

DM me or click the link in my profile to chat about how we can work together with your child’s team to think outside the box. Together, we can explore creative solutions that maintain support while maximizing inclusion opportunities!