Joyful Remembering

Joyful Remembering I am a father who lost his only child to breast cancer 10 years ago.

03/03/2024

THE IMPORTANCE OF KNOWING GOD AND NOT JUST ABOUT GOD.

When I became a Christian and was born again, I didn't realize just how long God had been waiting for me and just how important knowing Him would become.

I knew from my Catholic upbringing that I didn't want to just know what to do and not to do. That seemed shallow and didn't serve me when the you know what hit the fan. So my new found search was to get to know who God is, so I could maybe make sense out of my current life situations.

As I studied scripture, I looked at: who is the Author of these words. And little did I know this was God's preparation of me to withstand and eventually overcome the biggest setback of my life; the loss of Jess.

God knew exactly what I was going to need when He was ready to take her home. He knew that in order for me not to just give up on life I would need to be built up. He prepared me in a way that made me seek Him after she died as opposed to things of this world.

I can honestly say, when a person truly knows God: His heart, His thoughts, and His ways; they are prepared to overcome anything. And that's because knowing Him puts you right next the the One that has already overcome everything(John 16:33)making Him more than deserving and worthy of the number one spot in your life.

Have a blessed night and remember, obey the Word of God and let Him handle the consequences.
Jimi, Jess's dad.

02/29/2024

Solo vs Tandem

When I was 12 years old, I was part of the Boy Scouts. And I was really into it, especially when it came to learning survival skills. There is this process in scouts of mastering certain core elements and advancing in both knowledge and stature. In the course of being a scout I was fixated on attaining the rank of Eagle Scout. This meant earning what is know as “merit badges” for many different types of skills. There are 138 different badges from archery to cooking, and canoeing to first aid. It is pretty much an exhausting list.
Fifty-eight years later I still remember endeavoring for my swimming merit badge. And what I remember most was rowing out into the middle of a lake with an instructor, jumping into the lake with all my clothes on, and using certain skills to survive as if swimming to shore was really not an option. So, I was expected to tread water indefinitely and not drown. In order to earn my badge, I was going to have to push myself past my limits into unknown territory.

Has God ever required you to step into the unknown? If not yet, you might consider when. But I want to reassure you here and now, do not be afraid. Those 4 words; “do not be afraid,” are found multiple times in the Bible. Easy to say unless it’s you who are about to drown in some form or another.
For me as a scout, it was knowing and listening to the man in the boat as he encouraged me to “hang in there, to use my skills and make a floatation device out of my pants.” It is normal to not know how to navigate new situations, and to even make mistakes. But we must not let fear steal the opportunity to learn, and to keep moving forward.
The beauty of it all is we never have to go through life alone. We all have access to a coach, a mentor, a loving Father, who wants nothing more for us than success and joy in life. Do not be discouraged! Becoming discouraged is simply a symptom of letting fear take over, and letting our circumstances dictate how we both feel and respond.
Trust me when I say, “God wants to strengthen you and to coach you through life. Even at the lowest experience of my life so far; watching my only child take her final breath, I was not afraid, for I knew He was right beside me, feeling the anguish and disappointment I felt. Psalm 23 was my go-to on that day and has been at different times since. “Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.”
Whatever you might be going through right now, my simple suggestion is don’t go it solo! Find a coach, a mentor, and above all else trust God. You will not always understand His ways or His thoughts. Isaiah 55:8 ”For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
Life is a process not an event. An event meant to be shared and enjoyed despite our circumstances.

Blessings, Jimi, Jess’s dad. Remember, change your thoughts, and change your life.

02/26/2024

OVERCOMING PAIN
I believe if a person is to overcome pain they have to tear down partitions.
We are a familiar with how partitions are used to divide rooms and decrease both distractions and noise for those on either side. Many classrooms when I was in school utilized them to make better use space for the ever expanding course selection.
We too, with the help of an excited Satan create partitions in our minds. These partitions block the free flow of the knowledge of God from entering our thinking. Leaving us right where Satan wants us; in pain.
Life is full of emotionally-charged situations which have the potential to cripple us spiritually; addiction, job loss, divorce, loss of a loved one, and past trauma are but a few possibilities that can cause pain. And while these are large matters, smaller ones like negative friends, disrespectful treatment from friends or co-workers, the news; carry negativity and at times can even cause envy.
The spiritual truth of who God is and what He can do gets blocked, leaving us powerless to our circumstances. I don't know about you but many of these fore mentioned situations have been a part of my life. I tried just about everything the world has to offer to beat them without success.
It wasn't until I was reintroduced to God and shown my identity in Christ that I began the journey of breaking these strongholds in my life. Tearing down partitions. When I actually viewed things like worry, fear, doubt and hate as sin, I began to recognize the truth about God.
As a born again Christian I know now I have been co-crucified, co-buried, and co-resurrected with Christ. I doesn't matter that my conversion only happened in the last 20 years, I am part of Jesus's victory over sin and death.
For sure Satan is a master at planting doubt in my (our) minds, leading me (us) to believe these thoughts are our own. Thoughts like "I'll never get over losing her/him, I'll never measure up, I'll never be free of my addiction, a worrier is just who I am, and nothing can change me."
Believe me, these are all lies which can be overcome. Perhaps those kind of statements held some truth before I came to know Christ, but that Jimi died on the cross with Jesus and was raised a new creation. Of course despite this fact I remain human and like the entire race I can and do at times fall prey to the tricks of the enemy. He still puts partitions up in my mind to block out the light and the truth.
To say it, to write it is easy. To live it is hard. But like the AA slogan "1 day at a time" I can be an overcomer. And, after all I'm 70 years old and have some pretty deep negative roots that have yet to be dug out and that struggle is real. But the Word of God does not lie. Through Jesus we have been given the power to break every chain that binds us and can dig out every deep-seated root that afflicts us.
It's only by reading and meditating on Gods Word that the partitions in our minds will fall and, it's in that tearing down that true freedom exists. It's up to each of us to fight the battle. But we need not and do not fight alone when we are in Christ.
Have a blessed day and remember to obey the Word of God and let Him handle the consequences. When we change our thoughts, we change our lives.
Jimi, Jess's dad

02/15/2024

OUR GROWING LACK OF PATIENTS
Today you can jump on a plane and fly just about anywhere on the planet in a single day. Just 100 years ago this was forever out of reach for most and many months of journeying for those who could embark on such travels. The Internet provides unlimited access to information at the touch of a few key strokes. And in many areas you can order something online and have it delivered to your door-step in a few hours or at least by the end of the day.
There is no end to the things we have been conditioned to call "conveniences" that can happen with little effort on our part. But it all comes with a cost, and that cost is most of us have little patients when it comes to waiting for just about anything. Traffic lights, grocery store check-outs, slow Internet connections or computers without enough RAM, all challenge out patients.
Many of you who are still reading may be wondering if there is more to my point. Indulge me a bit more please. If you have ever planted a vegetable or flower garden you know there is a good deal of time between planting and harvest. And during that waiting period there can be a good deal of work and care required for a bountiful harvest.
Our lives are much like the garden. When we are up to something, things usually happen. But I also believe God is up to something in my life and in yours. Yet most of us don't have the patients we need, the patients required for God's plan, and our ability to carry it out. We want it yesterday. One of my favorite Bible scriptures is Jeremiah 29:11 :For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." A fruitful life, a comfortable life, a content life, and God's plan for our life all require patients. It's more like a slow-cooking crockpot then a microwave.
I have found anything of value is worth waiting for. A few examples are; children, your soul-mate/life partner, the perfect job, and attaining a college degree. These all happen at their appointed times, much like our garden. If we're lucky we learn that being patient produces an inner strength. It's this inner strength that sets up up for additional challenges life throws at us. I don't know about you but my life has been hard. Many of you know some of the details.
When I was young there was a popular expression: "keep the faith." It wasn't necessarily about spiritual faith as I remember it but more about hanging in there as you waited for your dreams to be realized. Little did I know at the time waiting is an action word. The action is doing what is necessary while patiently waiting for the desired results.
At this point in my life, as I am in my 71st year circling the planet, I realize my live in Christ has it's seasons too. There are seasons of planting, seasons of tending and seasons of harvest. All the while I need to make the best of whatever season I am in. Sure it is easier said then done. It wasn't easy to make the best of a season where I lost Jess, but it was essential if I was going to get to the next season. Being impatient for anything only creates anxiety and we all know anxiety is unhealthy and most often unproductive.
There is always something to enjoy, something to be grateful for and something to share with someone in need. Sure I still occasionally struggle with inpatients from time to time. That is when I remind myself that all good things come to those who wait. And take heart God is right there with you in the waiting.

02/01/2024

IT'S ONE THING TO SAY YOU ARE FREE
AND ANOTHER THING TO TOTALLY EXPERIENCE IT
Overcoming the loss of a loved one.
When someone near and dear to us dies we grieve. This is essential and one of the costs of love. But we also need to go on living. And to me "living" is not just surviving, but thriving!
And no, it's not easy. In fact no one can achieve this in their own strength. This world has absolutely nothing to offer that will change the situation, nor soften the hurt or heal a broken heart. However the provision to overcome does exist.
On September 24, 2013 we lost Jess. That day I experienced a very different definition of the word "pain" then I had ever experienced. Despite my faith and belief in God as well as my gratitude for all He had done for us up to that day, I was still devastated!
So like a normal human I grieved. In that grief, I also had some very interesting conversations with God. It was in those conversations that I was led to scripture that told of His promises. The fact that He would complete the work He began in me, and that He will use all things for good for those who love Him and are called to His purpose. I found the strength to move forward and a protocol to not just survive, but to thrive.
Along the way I have met many people who seem resigned to just live in perpetual defeat. Maybe that seems easier then any alternative. I don't know and don't judge. We all have our own journey to travel.
Our culture is fixated on being HAPPY. And happiness is totally dependent on what happens. Just think about it. We mostly live from circumstance to circumstance which determines our mindset. When a child takes their first steps we are happy, but when they break their leg in an accident we are either sad or angry. Possibly both.
So, what's the solution? I believe it is to SEEK JOY. Merriam-Webster defines joy as "an emotion evoked by well-being, success or good fortune, or by the possessing what one desires. Again by what happens. However, I believe joy is very much like love and is a choice. And like love, it is limitless, life-defining and transformative.
I found my joy in trusting God and my continued relationship with Him. Joy is one of the fruits of the Spirit. So are love, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Who wouldn't want such fruit?
If you are tired of feeling defeated. If you want to stop using words like, never, can't, forever, depressed etc, and open to learning something, I'm more than willing to share the details of my journey with you. Like a three strand cord, together we are stronger. Just in case you missed it, God is the third cord.
Change your thoughts and change your life.
Jimi, Jess's dad

01/29/2024

Gods Will Revisited
Over the past several months I have felt compelled to take stock in how I spend my time. In this time, I could see my 70th birthday on the horizon and this led me to also consider how God wants me to spend the time I have left in this fallen world.

The first conclusion I came to was: God is not always looking for us to “do more,” but for us to spend more time with Him. And this prompted me to assess my daily schedule and determine where I was spending time perhaps needlessly, or at the very least on things that were not serving God’s purpose for my life. This assessment time of course demanded right up front, more time with God since I try not to make any moves in life without first checking in with God for His “nod of approval” if you will.

So, what does this all mean? God’s will, His purpose is and has always been for me to use the many experiences in my life to help others navigate the rigors of life. From sexual abuse to addiction and the loss of my only child Jessica when she was just 35, God has redeemed it all. And what He has done for me He will do for others, if they believe, trust, and wait patiently while making Him the Lord of their life.

Lastly, I think I got off track in 2023. In my quest to help others I was trying to do too much in my own strength. Trapped by my own free will set off a chain reaction of disappointments. God is perfectly willing to let us run our own lives and create our own realities. He basically says; “go right ahead, but remember Who is actually in charge of this reality.”

Have a blessed day and remember to obey the Lord and let Him handle the consequences.
Jimi, Jess’s dad.

12/11/2023

CLOSING THE BOOKS

As December winds down many people look to put their year to bed, close the books on it and look to a fresh start in the coming year.

For me the truth is I can do that each and every day. I do not have to wait 365 days to make a new beginning. The calendar is not in charge of my life, I am ! In fact it really boils down to a mindset.

My moto is: "change your thoughts, change your life." For example; this will be the 11th New Year I will experience without Jessica my only child. And for the first 4-5 years I attended a weekly support group for parents who lost a child, as well as participated in the yearly candle lighting ceremony held world wide.

It brought me great comfort and a comradery that was essential for both survival and hope for recovery. On that fateful day September 24, 2013, I became a different person. Everything changed and nothing was ever like it use to be.

But, I wanted to do more than survive! I WANTED TO OVERCAOME. Fast forward to my 6th New Year since losing Jess. In my reflection time I realized: every year, every experience, good, bad, or ugly changes me. As I walk through life I am constantly evolving. Yet there is actually very little in life I truly have control over. Being a long-time mental health counselor, I began to investigate my own thoughts to see if I or they were controlling who I was becoming.

It was in that year of investigation that I decided to change my way of thinking about the loss of my daughter. I began to look at the entire situation as a temporary inconvenient separation. As a Christian, I am confident I will see Jess again, since I know she is in heaven and I will also be there in due time.

Today, I no longer see my life as something to get through each day. While being a dad was perhaps the most significant aspects of my life, I realize God's not done with me. I will always miss Jess, but I will also always be grateful for the 35 years we had. I have far more positive memories of her than negative, and that's my focus. When I want to take a walk down memory lane, I will walk down the good roads. And it's in those positive times remembered I see and view my present with joy. Never a joy because she's gone but a joy because SHE WAS and still is a part of my life, has a place in my heart and is waiting for the day she can again say, "hi daddy!"

Nothing we go through is wasted. And God can and will use all things for good, for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

Changing your thoughts requires intentionality and commitment. But it WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE. I'm here for you or anyone you know who is stuck in a rut of any kind. Message me and let me help you to rewire your brain and learn to find joy in remembering.

Blessings, Jimi, Jess's dad

12/08/2023

For some of us, this year was brutal.

Painful. Grief-filled. Heavy.

Not the best year, to say the least.

It can feel tempting to just want to jump ahead into the mentality of a new year, and new beginnings.

But I think it’s important to stop for a moment and recognize that even though this year could have wrecked you...

You’re still here.

You’re still alive, still fighting.

Although you might feel so eager for this year to end, it’s possible that someday you look back on this year and think, “that’s the year that grew me.”

This might be the year that you pleaded with God, day in and day out, for the strength to take just one more step.

It might be the year you cried more tears than ever, and begged God to take away your pain.

It might be the year that you learned how much you needed Him because only He could carry you.

I know it’s hard to see it now, but this awful year might be the one that shapes the rest of the years to come... in a beautiful way.

So, look into the next year with hope and expectancy.

But don’t dismiss what this year held.

It held strength and courage each time you got back up.

It held a fight of faith each time you fixed your eyes on Jesus.

You are still here.

And God will continue to fight on your behalf.

~Kelli Bachara, The Unraveling Blog

11/07/2023

What’s it mean to you,
to SURRENDER?

When we come to the end of our rope, when we just don’t see any way out or plausible explanation as to why our life is the way it is we often say; “I give up, I surrender.”
I’ll never forget the day I finally surrendered Jess to God. She had been gone from this world for several years, and during that time, I grieved and looked for answers. The proverbial search for WHY?
I was at a church worship service and while praising God for my life, I was crying on the inside for what wasn’t. Jess wasn’t with me in the natural any longer. I remember saying to God; “OK, I give up, I surrender. I gave You my most precious daughter, what more do You want from me?”
God responded, “I want your trust, your faith, your belief that I will use Jess’s life and yours for good.” In my tears, in my surrender, God showed me both His mercy and His compassion.
I began to feel arms around my neck as I danced in worship and in spirit. I knew those arms. They were Jess’s. In her final days we had developed what we affectionally called the “father daughter dance.” She would wrap her arms around my neck and I would dance her to the bathroom, since she could not walk there on her own. IT WAS PURE JOY IN THAT MOMENT! Standing in the presence of God and being gifted another moment with my beautiful daughter.
Surrender and trust enable us to accept the outcome, even if it looks different than we thought it would. So, today I ask you to join me and surrender whatever you need to back to God. After all, it is all His to begin with. Experience a joy that passes all understanding.
Trust that He is a God with your best interest in mind. And that impossible situations are His specialty.
Have a blessed day and remember; change your thoughts and change your life.
Jimi, Jess’s dad.

10/23/2023

Has Your Life Been Busy??

I haven't posted in a week. Tricia my wife and I have been focused on looking for a new home. It's incredible how all consuming that process can be.

In my morning prayer time today, I felt God's encouragement to reconnect with those who follow me and my thoughts here. And that encouragement was to remind us ALL that God wants us to live our best life as we wait our reuniting with Him.

Loss is a reality and a part of life. When we dwell in our loss, whatever it is, we lose! THE ONLY THING THAT CAN DEFEAT US IS US.

God has a will for our life, and it is not to tear it down with thoughtless words we often speak over ourselves. Words like; "I'll never get over this" and "this is just more than I can take!" These words set up a war inside of our minds, which in turn negatively impact our bodies.

Let's remember we have the power within us to transform our thinking. We CAN WIN the war over our negative thoughts and the words we speak over ourselves and into our life!
God gave us the power to be different than the world. Romans 12:2 tells us we have the power to transform our minds.

If you feel stuck in a negative loop, if you feel ready to fight a battle and defeat your negative, suck the life out of you thoughts, I invite you to link arms with me at joyfulremembering .com and learn how to rewire your brain.

Have a blessed day and remember: change your thinking and change your life! Jimi, Jess's dad

10/15/2023

What's Your Greatest Ability?

In my mind we all have different abilities, but our greatest has to be our avail ability. We all have the identical number of hours in a day, and how we decide to allocate those hours is where our impact comes from.

Often fear of failure, fear of disappointment, and fear of lack all come into play as we move through our day. But, "if God is for us who can be against us?"

Life is short. And for some shorter than others. Our daughter Jessica Aviva only lived till just past her 35th birthday. However, she made a tremendous impact in her short stay here on earth. There is impact and then there is Kingdom impact. Even though Jess didn't really know God or Jesus until just 4 days before she died, she knew enough to do things that would carry on far after she passed away.

Jess never thought, "this is too hard, this doesn't matter, or who really cares?" Somehow she understood it was not going to be about her ability, but her availability to be used by God to better the lives of other, and hence advancing God's Kingdom here on earth.

As her dad, I know I have big shoes to fill. But I also know I serve a BIG GOD! There is nothing too advanced or too overwhelming for Him, which means exactly the same thing for me so long as I remain in the Father's will for both my life and His plan for me.

Over the next few weeks I hope to make time to write here how God has taken experiences in both my life and Jess's and used them to make this world a better place.

Please ponder your own life and your experiences and then share how God has used you and your journey to advance His Kingdom and make the world a better place.
It doesn't have to be huge. I can be as simple as sitting with a friend who just got her heart broke or received a bad doctors report and listening to her lament. The world is made up of individuals and how we make ourselves available to others can make a BIG difference.

Have a blessed day and I look forward to reading your stories!

Remember; change your mind and change your life. Jimi, Jess's dad

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