I'm a life coach helping women ages 25-45, heal from relational trauma, betrayal and sexual trauma,
06/13/2023
This is a nice idea in thought but from someone who’s been there I can’t imagine women in these situations wanting the authorities called. However, I can offer an ear if you need to vent, want support, someone to cry with or advice. Xo 😘
11/17/2022
Boys Will Be Men
The title of today's post comes from a bumper sticker I saw.
It is a response to the often-used phrase "boys will be boys," which gets used as an excuse to do nothing about their selfish, overly aggressive, or irresponsible behavior.
The bumper sticker is telling us that the attitudes and behaviors that boys are developing now will determine the kind of men they will become.
What kind of boys do we want to raise?
* Boys who are sensitive and caring.
* Boys who can speak up for their needs but also take into account the needs of others.
* Boys who take pride in contributing to their family and community.
* Boys who are prepared to fight for what is right.
* Boys who honor females and treat them with respect.
These are not radical goals.
But we can't expect to suddenly instill these values and capabilities in them when they reach age eighteen. We need to bring out rearing of boys into line with our values.
What could we do differently?
* Stop telling boys that they can't cry and have feelings. If we don't allow them to be sensitive now, we can't expect them to become sensitive, caring men.
* Increase the physical affection we give to boys-- more hugs, more cuddling, more companionship at bedtime.
* Firmly-- but not meanly-- stop tolerating it when boys disrespect girls, when they order their mothers around, when they hoard food and toys without considering the needs of other kids, when they make messes and leave them for others to clean up, and when they minimize each other's accomplishments instead of celebrating them.
It's not true that boys "just are that way."
The behavior and outlook of boys varies from nation to nation, and from generation to generation, depending on the leadership that adults take.
We need to give boys more love, more exercise, and firmer limits.
Watch how quickly we'll see positive results.
Say to yourself, "Each day is another step toward manhood for my boy."
Looking for guidance, support, validation, and plan for healing and finding yourself worthy again?
DM me - let's chat.
Xo,
Kelly
07/20/2022
It only takes 5 minutes 🙏❤️
A 5-Minute Yoga Practice for When You're Overwhelmed and There's Just No Time You don't need an hour to practice yoga. Sometimes, if that's all the time you have, five minutes will suffice.
What’s next for you?
I’m Looking For Three Women Who Want A Better Life!
If you’re tired of…
· The confusion
· The lies
· The trauma bond
· The pain, the hurt
· The struggle
And, if you’re ready for a new life, free from the chains you feel your toxic partner still has you held down by, then you’re ready for my 12-week transformational journey to a:
· A better YOU
· A mentally healthy YOU
· An emotionally stable YOU
· A new YOU
The narcissist, your toxic partner will never change. Let me say that again… Your toxic partner will not change. Why?
Because they don’t think there’s anything wrong with them. They expect YOU to do all the changing for THEM.
So, don’t hold out on what they “say.” It’s all words. There are no actions. They will NEVER get better or change enough to make a difference.
I’m sorry, but once again, YOU have to do the work for YOURSELF.
YOU have to be the bigger person and make the changes and decisions in YOUR life to make an impact on your future.
However, the good news is that once you decide to INVEST in YOURSELF and make the necessary changes to move forward – guess what?
YOU reap ALL the benefits of the work you do for YOURSELF.
No one else can take advantage of the work YOU do for YOU.
So, if you’re ready to stop the pain, stop the lies, stop the hurt, stop the confusion and want BETTER –
DM me now and let’s get YOU on YOUR way to a better life.
Xo,
Kelly
07/04/2022
5 Boundary Setting Ideas For The Holidays. Because It’s Not All Fun Or Enjoyable.
July 4th used to be a fun holiday but too many bad memories when I was with my ex narcissist have clouded my kids and my good memories.
So today let’s just focus on taking care of ourselves and what we need. What our kids need.
Let’s do our best to give ourselves new, good memories ❤️
Emotional abuse victims find that it is particularly difficult to endure the pain of trauma during the holidays.
Memories associated with their abuser during the holidays can lead to painful physical and emotional reactions.
Harmful interactions with their abuser can lead to severe trauma responses.
Some women berate themselves for feeling blue, depressed, or anxious during the holidays. Don’t.
Abusive men, because of their narcissistic traits, tend to commit more abusive acts against their partners during the holidays, partially because they can’t handle it when their partners focus their attention on anything besides them.
While we cannot control the actions of others, we can protect ourselves and our children from their abusive behaviors.
Many women find that as they set and maintain appropriate boundaries, they are able to protect themselves.
Some helpful boundaries to victims of emotional abuse during the holiday season may be:
* When my body goes into a trauma response, I will honor that feeling and call a trusted friend to share my feelings and experiences.
* I deserve to be treated with respect at all times and seasons of the year: no matter what is happening or what day or night of the year, if someone is yelling at me, I will leave the room/house.
* My children and I must live in a home free of po*******hy; because my partner is using po*******hy, I am asking him to move out.
I love myself. I surround myself by others who love me.
* If someone who is supposed to love me is abusing me, I choose to not associate with that person any longer.
(In the case of a divorced victim)
* Even though I may not have my children with me this holiday, I will honor myself and my motherhood by _____.
Be safe and take care of you!
Xo,
Kelly
Learn To Tell The Truth About Who You Are!
Today I have a little journaling exercise for you and it involves …telling the truth about who you are!
So, get out your journal or notepad and if it’s hard to get privacy – lock yourself in the bathroom.
Ok, so back to the task… I want you to think of the most common ways in which your toxic partner has put you down or how he currently puts you down, but do not write those comments.
Instead, think carefully about the truth of who you are – the opposite of what he tells you. That is what should be written.
If he says, “You’re stupid.”
You write: I am a really smart women.
If he says, “You don’t know what you’re doing, you’re messing everything up.”
You write: I know how to live my life way better than he does.
If he says, “You don’t care about me, all you think about is yourself.”
You write: I have been very giving and loving with him, and I deserve a lot better than this in return.
If he says, “Why are you spending so much? You can’t handle money. What’s wrong with you?”
You write: I am confident with money and I know how to let it go and how to let it grow.
I think you get the idea by now – so think about all your toxic partners typical phrases and only write YOUR TRUTH. Do not write his words.
The lies and delusions he tells you about yourself can start to seem real over time, because he repeats them so many times and sounds so sure of himself. It’s important for you to state forcefully to yourself the opposite of what he says.
After you write these accurate statements about yourself (and hide them if you need too), practice saying them aloud to yourself.
Don’t believe what he’s saying about you. Write down what the “real you” is like, and fight to hold on to that.
06/23/2022
It Doesn't Matter If It's the 2nd, 8th, or 12th Time. Nothing Will Change Until YOU Do
Take a few minutes to answer the following question:
How many times has your partner promised you that things are going to get better?
Count them up carefully. Include all the times...
- He has promised not to yell insults
- All the times he said he would make you a higher priority
- All the times he said he would stop having "things" going on with other women
- All the times he said he wouldn't hit you or scare you again.
In other words, take inventory of every time he said his treatment of you was going to improve.
Once you're done adding things up, reflect on this question:
What is the longest time that any of those improvements lasted?
- A week?
- A month?
- A year?
Have any of them actually been held to permanently?
And lastly, think about this question:
Given your answers to the first two questions, does it really make sense to believe that his promises matter anymore?
I'm not saying your partner is being insincere; he may believe what he says at the time. But hasn't experience taught you that, no matter how much he means those promises, he doesn't keep them?
You are headed for more and more heartbreak if you keep taking his promises seriously. Start the process today of accepting the sad fact that they don't go anywhere.
Stop telling yourself,
"I can't leave."
"I can't do it, I don't even have.a job"
"I don't make enough money"
"I need to stay for the kids."
You are only prolonging your heartache. You are only prolonging the damage done to yourself and your children.
Make a promise to yourself today that you will get help, make a plan and get out.
If you need help with a plan - DM me! I've been there and I can help you navigate your way out successfully!
Nothing will change until YOU decide to stand up for YOU.
Xo,
Kelly
I’m looking for 3 women who have left a toxic relationship and want more 🙌
Want more love,
want more healing,
want more security,
want more peace of mind.
So, you might be thinking, why me? Why this girl from Lancaster Pennsylvania? Why should I listen, why should I believe this woman here in Instagram?
Well, let me tell you why…
I know what it feels like to feel broken but I also know how to put yourself back together.
I know what it feels like to feel like nothing but I also know how to fix it and how to help you feel like you are something.
I know what it feels like to walk on eggshells but I also know how help you find your voice and how to create boundaries to help you heal.
I know what it feels like to feel like you lost everything but I also know how to help you discover that really - you’ve gained so much.
I know what it feels like to feel so alone but I also know how to fix it so you realize you’re the most cared for person in the world.
I know what it feels like to feel so unloved and unworthy but I know how to help you learn how to know you are loved for who you are, and that you are so truly worthy of it all.
So, if you can relate to any of those feelings I just mentioned and looking for help. Looking for healing. Looking for connection. Looking for support – DM me right now.
DM me right now and let’s get you back home. Let’s get you back to you!
Xo,
Kelly
So last week, I gave you some questions to ask yourself as a guide to finding your purpose now that you’re no longer in your toxic relationship.
This week, is part 2 of that advice.
This week I’m asking you review your answers with a trusted friend or mentor. After your conversation with that friend or mentor, ask yourself these questions…
What conclusions about your life’s purpose can you draw?
* Where have you been in life?
* What have you learned?
* Where do you want to go?
* What are the core values you hold dear to your heart?
You’re answers to the 9 questions from last weeks post should give you a pretty clear picture of what you can contribute to the world (your community, you friends, family and work).
Keep your eyes open for unique situations you’ve gone through, how you reacted to them, how they shaped you and how you can use them in your future experiences.
By reviewing your answers with a friend or mentor, and then by processing these last few questions, will begin to shed light on your new direction, your new purpose.
xo,
Kelly
9 Questions To Finding Your Purpose!
If you've recently left a toxic relationship and are now wondering, what's next?
* Who am I and how do I find myself again?
* What do I really want?
* What's my purpose?
Watch the video and then take a few minutes today and ask yourself these questions and write them down.
For some of you, the first answer that comes to mind will be the answer from your soul.
For others, the questions might require thought, journaling, or meditation. Do what works best for you.
Question One: In three words, describe your personality.
Question Two: List five of your most dominant interests.
Question Three: Describe your character, including your virtues, vices, strengths, and weaknesses.
Question Four: List the past four opportunities that opened doors for you. Who faciliated those opportunities?
Question Five: In the coming year, what opportunities would you like to have open to you?
Question Six: Who are the people who you most often deal with? List the greatest joy(s) and the greatest challenge(s) in dealing with them.
Question Seven: If you have a mentor, describe what you admire about your mentor. If you do not yet have a mentor, describe what qualities you’d like your mentor to have — qualities which you would like to emulate.
Question Eight: List the places where you have lived. What possibilities did each place offer you?
Question Nine: List the places where you have traveled to. You can list just the ones that had a clear effect on you, or all of them. In each place, what changed in you as a result of your visit? What did visiting each place teach you?
You should now have at least a little glimpse or direction of what you want to be in this life.
Stay tuned for step 2 this week.
Xo,
Kelly