Single Parenting Solutions

Today was our first day back to school. As single parents, we know those mornings trying to get out the door, juggling everything on your own can be extra stressful.

I have to admit I was not at the Pinterest level of preparedness like others I see on social media…No back-to-school breakfast or fancy signs. Yet, it was a surprisingly smooth morning until I prompted Little Dude to put on his shoes.

From the bottom of the stairs, I heard the words that co-parenting parents dread… “I don’t have my sneakers, they’re at Daddy’s.”

I was getting those last “grownup of the house” things done…turning off lights, throwing dishes in the dishwasher, and found myself going down a spiral of blame, which looks like a “you should know better” conversation in my head with Dad.

As I was about to give my zinger, I heard, “It’s okay, I can just wear my golf shoes!”

Damn.

What a humbling, yet proud experience being schooled by an 8-year-old in problem-solving.

Reflecting back, I asked myself if I would have gone down that spiral if the shoes were at anyone else’s house…
Or, if these were my shoes, would I have had a whole conversation stomping around the house shaming myself?

Nope.

What this tells me is that my frustration about the shoes wasn't really about the shoes. It was my own crap creeping up with Dad. My own crap that could have prevented me from connecting with my son on our way to his first day of school.

Thanks to him, he showed me what was really going on…
Not some war between parents,
But simply…

The shoes aren't here, so how can we solve this problem?

The moral of this story is that it's easy to let your grown-up crap interfere with your relationship with your children. It takes work and even when you think you’ve done a lot of it… there is still more to be done. But this is the good kind of work😉 The work that everyone reaps the benefits from.

Think about how many “somethings” happen between the moment you wake up and the moment your head hits the pillow at night?

I guarantee you a lot, like…

a 🪣 of somethings… 👖-loads of somethings… more than a 🛥 load of somethings *for all those🐉 ❤️🌮 fans 😜

Declaring your day ruined by a what may have been a moment of defeat, leaves no space for moments of fulfillment.

And just like there are a lot of somethings that happen in a day, there are a 🛥 load of moments in one too.

Life’s too short to miss out on the fulfilling ones.

If you’re having a rough day, and you’re reading this… your day is not yet over 🧡 Jen

Grief is wild… a closing note of a comment I received from a beautiful soul in the ig community here on instagram.

To me, if I could put a name to describe my grief experience as a single parent, along with bereaving a loved one’s passing and many other losses in life… 🎯that is it.

I am so grateful for this community and all the beautiful single parents that want to support their little ones, while seeking support themselves.

It’s tough stuff… and that’s putting it lightly.

Sending my love to you on your journey whether you’re currently riding a 🌊 or your sea is calm and your skies are clear.
🧡Jen

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✨For 1:1 coaching for single parents with babies, toddlers & tykes (0-8) schedule a consultation through the link in bio

I’m just going to get right down to it…

Co-parenting a small human(s) with a former partner can be ridiculously challenging at times.

My question to you is

👉Are you looking to vent and list characteristics of your co-parent?

or,

👉Are you looking to personally grow, connect with your child(ren)on a deeper level and have more clarity & confidence stepping into your co-parenting relationship?

Don’t get me wrong… I’m here for the vent (with emphasis how you feel of course) because as humans we are social creatures wired for connection…

but is that where change lives? Nope…

Talking, sharing, venting… that’s where healing begins, but not yet growing until you reach the willingness to take steps forward.

But once you take those steps, my wish for you is not to settle.

Not to settle in the land of “Im fine”

And my wish for your young child(ren) is to have their special person, which is you, refusing to settle with the blanket idea that “they will be fine”

I want you to know that both you and your family are worthy of being more than “just fine”

And what makes everything harder is trying to make these shifts, initiate growth, see past all the yuck on you’re own.

If you’re looking for support and a teammate that will help you uncover the solutions that you already possess book a call with me by clicking the link in bio
Time slots have been extended. If what you’re looking for isn’t available DM and I’d be more than happy to find a time that fits your needs.
Looking forward to chatting with you soon!
🧡Jen

The ego can be a tricky little bugger😒…

Yet, we all have one.

Self awareness brings clarity to make conscious decisions that align with our values.

For this week, allow yourself to step out of the focus to bring more clarity to the bigger picture.

This doesn’t mean abandoning your needs, but rather taking a step back to see what your needs and wants really are.

This isn’t a strive towards perfection… this is about a journey of growth.
🧡Jen

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Feel free to comment ⬇️ for I know that last one can be quite controversial😉

Have you ever been in a situation where you find out that your child’s other parent switched up a routine or started something new? Like they started it a while ago and you never got the memo.

You had a plan. You did all the research. You’re now pi**ed.

you’re now left with a couple of options. Stay the course of how you choose to parent or try the new approach for the sake of consistency… a decision only you can make.

For me, many times I have chosen to stay the course considering specific factors for whatever the situation may be.

In my own journey I have exhausted myself trying to provide research, reasoning, strong arming… Many going against my own personal values. Did some of these tactics work? Yes, however, the aggressive ones… well they always came with a price.

Yet, that is why I am here. Because I found a different way through my own healing journey and focusing on connecting with my young child verses fighting life. Today the price is too high to not continue this path and my goal is to share, inspire and provide education so you can have a the resource that I desperately wanted after separating.

👉PS: Of course our feelings are valid, but the cool thing is as adults we have endless amounts of resources to learn new coping skills and we have a higher level of cognitive functioning to regulate our emotions than our kids.

👉PPS: Sometimes it’s not so simple and there can be major health and safety implications at play. And yet again, the cool part is that we have a higher level of cognitive functioning to thoughtfully evaluate if there is a true risk or we’re acting on anger impulses against our co-parent.

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to add Single Parenting Solutions to your co-parenting resources

✨If you’re interested in working 1:1 schedule a chat through the link in my bio.
And if that’s not your style, drop your email in the box on my bio to be notified when you can sign up for a one of a kind membership community just for parents like you.

🧡Jen

Because sometimes you just need to laugh🧡

Meant for a chuckle because sometimes we just need to laugh 🧡

Social connection is like a necessity, not a luxury- quoted by Matthew Lieberman, a research scientist & author of “Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect.”

This quote from an article in ,Scientific America, made me think about our human need to seen and heard.

This basic acknowledgment is something I seek in all my relationships.

If you think about it, the lack of acknowledgment is one of the reasons why us parents tend to get so frustrated when we feel our children are not listening to us.

And for my former romantic relationship, much of our friction, like many other relationships, our communication or lack there of was a contributing factor to it’s demise.

So, at the end of the day…

I know I want to be acknowledged

I know my child wants to be acknowledged

And I know my co-parent wants to be acknowledged.

And by giving this respect to them, for my co-parent taping on a text box, or saying the three words, “I hear you,” …

Even if I’m not receiving the acknowledgment back…

I walk away with integrity and self-love, because I was acting in-line with my values…

And that’s a damn good feeling 😊

I hope this finds you well
🧡Jen

Our children pick up and carry out learned behaviors everywhere they go.

They’re like little sponges, absorbing new information and highly influenced by their surroundings.

What happens is our go to is seeing the challenging behaviors, the behaviors we don’t want them to have…

Maybe from their other home, peers at school, new step siblings, and tv programs.

This is normal because they learn from their environment, and also normal that we do this because our minds are wired to see the “bad” according to the research of positive psychology.

But, just think about it… if they’re doing this, they are also picking up and carrying out the positive tools and skills you can be modeling and teaching them in your home.

This is the goal and the rewards of respectful parenting.

The rewards of modeling your own self regulation

The rewards of teaching them about emotions and mindfulness practices.

Honestly, you may never get these calls

You may never get recognition for your hard work

You may also find others, maybe your coparent, claiming ownership of this or bragging about specifics that you have clearly taught them.

When we focus on this, we loose sight of what WE CAN DO…

And IMO the true purpose of parenting…

✨being confident leaders
✨teachers of life
✨nurturers & protectors
✨and the most instrumental figures in our young children’s lives

Hope this finds you well… and don’t stop parenting in a way that feels good to you!
🧡Jen

Double tap if you agree and please share with another single parent who needs to hear this today😊