Integrative caregiving

10/10/2026

09/24/2026

There were so many times while Nina, my eldest, was growing up that I consciously looked for activities to keep her occupied so that she wouldn’t feel my absence.

I tried to keep it all feeling natural, but there were clearly times when Nina felt she had to put her needs aside to accommodate her sister.

Nobody wants this for their children but from everything I have experienced, I’m not sure we can completely protect siblings from the reality of growing up in a family where one child needs significantly more care.

We can try to make things fair but the truth is, sometimes one person’s needs are going to take up more space.

I think perhaps the question isn’t only: How do I make sure my other children aren’t affected?

Maybe the more useful question is: How do I make sure they don’t disappear inside the accommodation?

How do we give them permission to need things too?
To be angry sometimes.
To not always understand.
To want our attention.
To have feelings about their sibling that aren’t neat or generous or easy to admit.

Perhaps most importantly, how do we make sure they know that being the child who needs less does not mean they should learn to need nothing?

I couldn’t give Nina a childhood untouched by caregiving but I could keep trying to see her inside it.

09/24/2026

We cannot always change the demands placed upon us. But we can begin creating experiences that show the brain and body that those demands are not the entirety of our existence.

That doesn’t mean thinking positively.

It doesn’t mean telling yourself you’re safe when you’re not.

It doesn’t mean meditating your way out of structural caregiving problems.

It just means what we notice becomes our world.

09/08/2026

We are so lucky to have Nina, our 22 year old eldest, who was willing to hold down the fort while Dov and I went away for 6 days. I am also grateful for the insights she received from being in this role. Not only that her sister might behave differently when mum isn’t around but also for me the biggest insight… all those thoughts she had. Are they true? Is Leia really miserable or was she just creating her own misery. To me this is one of the greatest invitations of the caregiver role. To become aware not only of our physical centrality but also the fact that our misery, in most cases, is self induced. This is truly a practice and also a path that starts to have an enormous ripple effect. Don’t be afraid to let others help you. They benefit too. Thank you so much NINA 🧚🏼‍♀️ We ❤️ you.

09/07/2026

TOMORROW, TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 8TH @ 10 AM PST
FREE WEBINAR - BEYOND SURVIVAL: LIVING AS A CAREGIVER

I’m doing something tomorrow that feels very close to the heart of the work I’m doing right now.

After years of caregiving, I’ve realized that there are times when nobody actually needs anything from me, and yet some part of me is constantly switched on, waiting for what’s next.

That distinction has become fascinating to me:

What is my life actually asking of me right now, and what has my brain simply learned to keep doing?

Tomorrow, somatic practitioner Katie Kittle and I will explore this together in Beyond Survival: Living as a Caregiver. We’ll explore survival, regulation, communication, authenticity, our evolving relationships with our loved ones, and how we can begin to move beyond simply surviving while continuing to care.

It’s free, it’s live, and if you recognize yourself in this, I’d really love you to join us.

09/06/2026

Isn’t this what we dream about? Our children feeling a part of what is going on around them? A sense that we all belong? Autism has been changing for me over the last year since Leia started on a spelling path. Now we have signed her up for a prep academy that is entirely dedicated to autism, apraxia and actually doing a school curriculum. Several times a week she will meet with others online. Wow! We are also running a spelling camp for families in Costa Rica this November, things I never imagined were even possible. Whatever you think is happening with your child, don’t ever think you have the whole picture. Things change.

08/30/2026

Parenting a nonspeaking or unreliably speaking child can keep us in a state of searching, advocating, anticipating, and holding enormous responsibility, often for years.

Then spelling can begin to change what we understand about our children, communication, intelligence, and the relationships we thought we knew.

Somatic practitioner Katie Kittle and speller mom and caregiver relationship-and-emotions coach Tanya Yarkoni invite you to a free webinar exploring what long-term caregiving does to our nervous systems, our identities, and our inner worlds and what becomes possible when we begin to widen the lens.

We’ll explore survival, regulation, communication, authenticity, our evolving relationships with our spellers, and how we can begin to move beyond simply surviving while continuing to care.

The registration link is in the comments and in my bio.

With love, Tanya
Parenting a nonspeaking or unreliably speaking child can keep us in a state of searching, advocating, anticipating, and holding enormous responsibility, often for years.

And then spelling can begin to change what we understand about our children, communication, intelligence, and the relationships we thought we knew.

Somatic practitioner Katie Kittle and speller mom and caregiver relationship-and-emotions coach Tanya Yarkoni invite you to a free webinar exploring what long-term caregiving does to our nervous systems, our identities, and our inner worlds—and what becomes possible when we begin to widen the lens.

We’ll explore survival, regulation, communication, authenticity, our evolving relationships with our spellers, and how we can begin to move beyond simply surviving while continuing to care.

The registration link is in the comments.

With love, Tanya

08/28/2026

It seems so simple. Sitting cross legged and yet if you can believe it for 19 years I have never thought about helping her to sit in this way. It just took a bit of an explanation and she was willing to try. Breaking everything down and overcoming my loops that there are things she cannot do new are some of the central ways I can support my child with apraxia.

08/28/2026

I challenge myself in this role beyond the external challenges happening around me because I need to know that I am in control in other ways. This isn’t just about making my identity feel seen, it’s also about moving out of victim mode and the many limiting thoughts I carry when I only operate in that way. Understanding that we have adapted to our environment often to the extent that our selves no longer matter, is central to bringing joy and purpose back into our lives.

08/25/2026

Over the next three months, somatic practitioner Katie Kittle and I are hosting three free webinars exploring questions about survival, our inner world, communication and what becomes possible when we begin to look at our relationships through a wider lens.

TUES SEPTEMBER 8 @ 10 AM PST— BEYOND SURVIVAL: Living as a Caregiver
An exploration of what long-term caregiving does to our nervous system, our identity and the way we experience our lives and how we can begin to move beyond simply surviving.

TUES OCTOBER 20 @ 10 AM PST— WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? When Your Loved One May Be Reading Your Mind
If our nonspeaking loved ones are more aware of our thoughts and inner states than we previously imagined, what does that ask us to notice about the thoughts we bring into the relationship?

TUES NOVEMBER 10 @ 10AM PST — MULTIDIMENSIONAL COMMUNICATION: The Art of Tuning In
What changes when we become less focused on outcomes and more engaged in connection, in whichever form it may arise? We’ll explore different forms of communication and practical ways to tune in without the constant pressure to get it right.

These conversations are about our loved ones, but increasingly, we’re discovering they’re also about us, how we live, what we believe, what we notice, and what is becoming possible when we make room for new ways connecting we may not yet understand.

The link to register is in my bio and comments.