05/27/2025
START SMALL & GAIN BIG--
**How to start gaining self-efficacy in your life**
Hey friends, you might be interested... This is the email I sent out today for my "Habit Rules Digest,"--which is where I share about my experiences, the principles I've been learning, and the research I've done. You can subscribe here: https://propelled-living.kit.com/8119e5b259
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START SMALL & GAIN BIG--
**How to start gaining self-efficacy in your life**
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Habit Rule #2: Make your bed, take out the trash, or pick up the dog p**p!
How do you really get started on developing good habits? The answer is simple: start small.
When I first came up with the idea of habit rules I experimented with one of the most basic rules--making my bed. I analyzed this rule in my habit journal. This is a reminder that keeping a habit journal is key to creating new habits. My habit journal is in my personal organizer in Microsoft OneNote (my fave) on my computer. There I asked myself a few questions--when do I want to make my bed each day? What is the cue to get started? My first idea was to have the rule be to make my bed first thing when I roll out of bed.
I experimented with this idea and honestly I just didn't like it. If I'm going to discipline myself right when I wake up, I want it to be something I feel strongly about, something that is more important to me. So, instead I shifted my cue to be when I get dressed. That worked better for me and over time it evolved into my hard rule becoming: "I can't leave the house without making my bed." Since then, this rule has worked beautifully for me. I make my bed every day and have been since setting the rule up.
Why do small things produce big results?
I'm not just saying this, I really mean it: when you create a rule in your life that you have designed--it's aligned with what's important to you and can be a process that is tailored to you. When you execute the rule, it makes you feel empowered. Here's why... Who made the decision to create the habit rule? You did. Who was the one who enforced the habit rule? You did. Who produced the results in this one small but important area in your life? You did. This creates in you what is called "self-efficacy." Self-efficacy is a researched theory and idea (closely related to "self-determination") that means "I believe in my ability to successfully accomplish a task or goal."
I'm speaking passionately here... if you could hear my voice right now, I say this emphatically: it feels so good to have a high feeling of self-efficacy. You feel like you can conquer the world. Starting with something simple is where self-efficacy begins. Self-efficacy is motivating and builds hope that you can succeed in developing other, bigger habits. When you begin to see the possibilities of what you're capable of, this becomes a thrill.
Story about my twin brother: His "candy goal"
For several years my twin brother, Stefan, had what he called his "candy goal." It was funny how much we heard about it. He decided he wouldn't have any treats except for once a week on a cheat day and he'd do this goal for an entire year. He was determined to prove to himself he could sustain a goal for a year. And he did! After doing it for a year, he adapted it. Then he adapted it again the third year. Looking back on it now it occurred to me the reason why he talked about this goal so often was because it created a sense of self-efficacy in him. He felt more control and a bigger say in his life. He was being disciplined and wanted us all to know how good that felt.
The same goes for people who want to tell us about their vegan diet, their exercise program, their nutrition and meal prepping, weight loss program, or whatever. It all comes down to the fact that they feel self-efficacy and want to share how exciting it is for them. They created rules for themselves that they followed through on and saw their efforts producing results for them. As they see and feel the results they subconsciously tell themselves, "Now the world must know of these great secrets!"
Me, starting small... Taking out the trash at 2 AM
Even though I couldn't articulate why I was feeling the way I did at the time, following through with habit rules like taking out the trash and picking up my dog's p**p created a significant feeling of self-efficacy in me. I remember an experience where I had worked all evening into the night fixing a house problem for one of my tenants. I was up way later than I would like to admit. As I finished eating a middle-of-the-night dinner I went into the kitchen around 2 AM to put my dirty dishes away. I was determined to be in bed in the next 3.5 minutes. As I walked out of the kitchen towards the stairs to my bedroom, I grabbed a torn box from the counter and a used paper towel and dropped them in a garbage can just off the dining room. It was then I noticed something big... the torn box was laying on top of other trash and was just barely peeking over the brim of the garbage can. What came to mind in that moment was what I had decided on only two days earlier. Two days before I had created a new habit rule that if a piece of trash in the garbage can sits just above the brim of the can, I have to take that trash out right then. In my weary and grumpy state, I stared at the can for a moment longer feeling complete horror. Any and all justifications for not doing it came to mind. Who knew that I could feel such turmoil just about seeing a full trash can. In my mind there was nothing going to stop me from my sleep. I wrestled internally for a moment longer and firmly said to myself, "Just do it. It will only take a minute." I angrily grabbed the can, walked out the front door and opened the big can outside and dumped the trash out. I then went back into my house and set the can back in its spot. It literally took 15 seconds.
As I made my way up the stairs I wish I could fully convey the flush of positive feelings that overcame me. As I walked into my bedroom I pounded my chest and let out a hearty cheer because I felt like a man! Silly, I know. All I had done was empty one puny garbage can. But, in dumping out that can of trash I had conquered the world... my internal world.
The experience is incredibly real and immediately motivated me to stay the course with other habit rules I want to develop. The beauty of it is amazing.
Now it's your turn! Start simple and begin to feel the change in you too.
Ready, set, go! 🙂
