Ashley Toliver-Williams

There is a lot going on and evolving in life right now.

I spent last night consumed by raw emotion, feelings of failure and attempting to rationalize some personal challenges that are beyond my control, and yet still my responsibility.

Reflection, writing and eventually sleep provided some necessary clarity, and I was reminded of this this morning.

I’m finishing reading Man’s Search for Meaning, and in my research of Logotherapy, which is detailed in the book, one question resonated deeply…

“Given that this is happening, who am I called to be?”

Nothing is framed as bad or good.

It simply is.

So…

An example to my children.
A protector.
A provider.
Emotionally settled and responsive.
A guide and provider of clarity, when possible.
A support for when clarity isn’t possible.
Healthy and grounded.
Focused.

Connecting back to who I am without this emotion is challenging, but it is also extremely settling.

If it feels like it is holding you back, it may actually be the exact thing that is propelling you forward.

There has never been a more honest and true post shared.

Add that you will contribute to more good than anyone will ever see, and the majority you will hear said about you (outside of public wins) are how horrible you are.

The perception will be the opposite of reality, and if you ever choose to operate even a nth different, you will be told that you’ve lost vision, heart, passion, etc.

If you ever struggle, you cannot show it. Although people will tell you you don’t have to be “perfect”, they will not accept human failure or mistakes.

Before ever deciding to be a business owner or entrepreneur (completely different!) ask yourself one question…

What do you most want to be your priority?

Feeding other’s families or your own?

Paying other’s bills or your own?

Mundane, painful, or repetitive tasks or cleaning up messes when people resign/get released and taking the blame for their work or being responsible for your own?

What do you want your life to look like and who do you want to be responsible for the problems?

On the other side…for some, being responsible for others, problems you can affect the outcome of and/or having the choice in how tough things get handled dos have its upside.

But the pressure isn’t for most.

The outcome/success is less than 1% of the journey. If you’re cool with that, do it.

If you’re not, don’t.

Too many people aren’t the right balance of selfish and self-sacrificing to build.

Selfish toward the purpose…unwavering.

Self-sacrificing toward the humans your responsible for.

Choose the truth and the work. Not the promise or possibility from a great quote someone shares on their story that inspires you. ❤️

this is probably an unexpected opinion coming from me... entrepreneurship is over-sold and self-awareness is under-sold 👇🏾

The not so popular truth is, most people would be happier with a good salary than a successful startup.

But social media continues to push a generation to optimise for lives they don't actually want.

Entrepreneurs like me get a lot of likes and followers when we tell people to quit their jobs and chase their dreams.

But here is the context that we nearly always miss👇🏾

Entrepreneurship can be really really boring - you will have to do things you do not enjoy.

You will deal with big, hard, stressful problems, every day - including bank holidays, christmas and any other time off - for years.

If you're lucky enough to be successful, the problems will get bigger, not smaller.

You will not have one boss. You will have hundreds - every customer, every investor, every employee. You will answer to them 24/7.

You will probably work 3x the hours you do now, have 10x the stress and a tiny probability of significant success.

A recent survey found 87.7% of founders deal with at least mental health issues. That's not a bug. It's a feature of entrepreneurship.

You'll see your kids less. You'll probably earn less (for years, maybe forever).

You will probably pay yourself last and as little as possible.

You'll struggle to switch off. Forever. Your phone will probably become a prison.

And here's the punchline: If you succeed, it all gets harder.

More money = more complexity. More growth = more anxiety. More success = more people depending on you.

In life, when you find yourself following someone else's playbook, you are at risk of winning someone else's prizes. All I'm saying is be intentional.

I'm not AGAINST entrepreneurship, I'm FOR self-awareness.

Truth "wealth" is probably👇🏾

✅ Knowing what game you want to play and why
✅ Having the courage not to play other people's games
✅ Understanding your real strengths and weaknesses
✅ Designing within them, not against them

Happiness is not about the structure, the social media post or the story.

Happiness is about alignment. Building a life that's aligned to whoever you are!

This does the beg the question, why do I do it?

If I'm honest, the answer is probably....I don't know.

It's probably some blend of lower t trauma, my inability to fit inside normal structures like school and conventional work-places (I was fired a few times), my adhd brain that makes working on something for 14 straight hours feel like 7 minutes and some childhood self-esteem issues.

Whatever the reason, this is who I am and what works for me.

This is the weird way I make myself happy and fulfilled.

To someone that is not me, it would probably feel like torture.

And to me, their life would probably feel like torture.

And that’s the thing… when you create a life that feels like home to you, it will probably look like hell to tourists.

Please know what you are not!