01/14/2022
I want to share a story about ๐ฆ๐๐๐ ๐ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐ฝ๐ผ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐ผ๐ณ ๐ฉ๐จ๐๐ก๐๐ฅ๐๐๐๐๐๐ฌ.
โฆ the shame and guilt I carried with me for most of my life because of an ๐ฎ๐ฏ๐ผ๐ฟ๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป.
At the age of 40, I experienced my first plant medicine ceremony. 4 nights with Mother Ayahuasca. Before embarking on the journey, I had a pretty clear knowing that the work would be very deep for me. As it is for most people. To be honest, I didnโt even know what would come up. Unlike some people I know, my childhood was pretty great and life had itโs normal challenges.
When I dove into this ceremony, while I was still getting my bearings for the powerful medicine, the first thing I saw was an image in my mind flash quickly. That image came and went so fast I could have ignored it. But I remembered that I was here to face all things and that this could be my way of resisting something that my subconscious was trying to show me. So I took some deep breaths and said, โshow me, Iโm ready to see whatever this isโ.
In a flash I was brought back to when I was about 20 years oldโฆ When I chose to have an abortion. In a matter of minutes, I was shown how the guilt and shame associated with the decision had impacted every area of my life.
You see, I had never uttered a word of this to anyone close to me. Other than my boyfriend at the time and another boyfriend, nobody knew I had this experience. I spent most of my life pushing it aside as if it wasnโt a big deal. Telling myself that I was young and doing the best I could at the time. But DEEP DOWN, I felt shame, guilt and deep sadness.
During my ayahuasca journey, I was shown how holding onto and not releasing these deep feelings had directly impacted my personality, my identity, my relationships, my physical health, and in some cases the direction in my life. And with this realization, I cried and mourned the years of pain I'd been holding onto. Deep within my womb, in every cell of my body.
Following this powerful experience of realization and releasing, I began to heal more deeply. It even pushed me to get trained in Pranic Energy Healing to help others remove energetic blocks in the body from trauma.
The day I came back from my trip, I ran into my boyfriend from back then. I hadnโt seen him in probably 5 years. Coincidence, I think not! After seeing him, i was reminded of the deep work I had done related to the abortion we experienced together. I courageously reached out to him to share what I'd been moving through. And in that moment, healing began for him as well. We were able to talk about the experience and share the many ways it had shaped us as individuals.
As I started to challenge myself to utter the words of what had happened to others, I began to heal. I began to forgive myself more deeply. I began to release the shame that had held me captive from being ALL of me. AND through the process of sharing with others, I realized I wasnโt alone in my experience. So many women and men had held deep pain for their part in an abortion in the past.
I believe as we share our truth, others feel comfortable to share theirs. And as we share our stories, we begin to heal automatically. It doesnโt have to be hard, it just needs to be released and in some cases seen and heard by another person.
It is when trauma is left hidden, we suffer the most.
You are not alone in your trauma.
As I talk to and work with people on their journey to become more whole, I hear deep truths that some have never uttered to another soul. I hear things like, โIโm scared to even say this outloud.โ Iโve heard people talk about abuse, sexual trauma, molestation, hateful feelings, anger they hold for others and themselves. The list goes on and on.
No matter what has happened or how awful you feel about things, you are LOVED!
Like Mr Rogers said โ๐ฎ๐ป๐๐๐ต๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐บ๐ฒ๐ป๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป๐ฎ๐ฏ๐น๐ฒ ๐ถ๐ ๐บ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฎ๐ด๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฏ๐น๐ฒโ But if you hold it in, you are doing yourself more harm than good.
๐
๐ช๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐๐ผ๐๐น๐ฑ ๐ถ๐ ๐ณ๐ฒ๐ฒ๐น ๐น๐ถ๐ธ๐ฒ ๐๐ผ ๐ณ๐ถ๐ป๐ฎ๐น๐น๐ ๐๐ฎ๐ ๐๐ต๐ฎ๐โ๐ ๐ต๐ฒ๐ฎ๐๐ ๐ผ๐ป ๐๐ผ๐๐ฟ ๐ต๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐? Without judgment. To be that vulnerable and have somebody see you in an unconditionally loving way and then support you as you process through it?๐
If youโre ready to finally speak whatโs heavy on your heart in a safe space, my ๐ญ:๐ญ ๐๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ ๐๐ผ ๐๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ ๐๐ผ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ต๐ถ๐ป๐ด sessions may be the perfect place for you.
Iโm just a DM away if you would like to talk more about what that could look like.
I believe in you! I love you!
Ash
